Friday, my co-worker IMed something along the lines of Yay, it’s Friday! and it really did nothing for me. I knew the weekend wasn’t going to be a good one. The visitation for Jim’s cousin was Friday, the funeral was Saturday, leaving Sunday for nothing but chores, errands, and obligations.
I thought I would at least be going to the visitation or the funeral. I assumed I would try to get my overtime in on Saturday around the funeral. But things came up, plans kept getting rearranged, and it just didn’t happen. I did end up babysitting on Friday (oddly, watching two 2-years-olds wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be), but I didn’t on Saturday, when I expected I would. But somehow, with the all the rearrangements and things we needed to get done, I just didn’t really have time for overtime.
It’s been very hectic lately, and it seems like I’m not doing much overtime as a consequence. Oh, yeah, and no, they haven’t taken it away yet. It was supposed to be gone by now, but the inventory is still too high, so they extended overtime through May.
Anyway, I feel bad that I didn’t make it to either the visitation or funeral, but babysitting the other toddler–Vincent’s 2nd cousin Sam, who is the first cousin of the boy who died–meant that his parents could be at the visitation and focus on grieving and helping out. I did wish I could have said goodbye, even though I didn’t know him well. I appreciated how good he was with Vincent. I’m sorry he felt like ending his own life was the only answer. Had I known, I would have tried to help. But I think if any of us had known, we all would have. We all feel that way, I’m sure.
That, and helpless.
Moving on before I get more depressed…
Following that was Jim’s Deadlands game. Ben and Kristie had to bow out. Jim’s not terribly happy because Ben has already mentioned having concert tickets for a night that falls on game night and is already planning another cancellation. Jim has stated that Ben has now cancelled as many games as he has attended. (He also missed the last one, but we ended up having to cancel game because we couldn’t find a sitter.) We had our game Saturday night, but Jim, Nick, and Phil stayed up afterwards to discuss a game that Nick plans on running should Deadlands fold, which it’s already starting to look like it will.
This morning, I admitted to him that I think Deadlands will be my last campaign that I do. Don’t get me wrong, the story is cool and the game is kind of fun, and Jim’s friends are really nice, but at the end of the day, they are huge roleplayers and I. Hate. It. HATE it. I like watching them do it, but I don’t want to do it. The few characters that I’ve made, I always pick someone non-descript and plain who doesn’t like to talk, so I don’t stick out and none of the NPCs will want to really deal with me, etc, but roleplaying still creeps in, and it just stresses me out.
Jim isn’t happy about it, but he’s pretty accepting and is toying with the idea of replacing me. I’m not jumping out, like, RIGHT NOW, though. I figured I will wrap up the game with everyone, but at this point, I’m not really interested in playing anymore. I told Jim that maybe I could take notes on his games so others wouldn’t have to, so I could still hear the stories and the roleplaying without having to participate.
To be honest, though, I just wish gaming would go away. I wish Jim would just outgrow it. But with Phil going through his divorce and now gaming all the time, it feels like Jim is getting swept back into it hardcore again. I don’t know. I know it’s just a hobby and I don’t think it’s better or worse than other hobbies; it’s just another thing we don’t have in common.