springading.com

The depression is mostly gone.  Mostly.  There’s still that “unsettled” feeling in my chest, the one that feels like a bird trying to beat its wings in a too-small space.  I’m anxious, happy, and still a little…something else.  I don’t know what.

It’s weird how nothing in particular will bring it on.  Well, I know what doesn’t help:  Sometimes, I’ll read blogs of these girls I like to follow (hello to my Twitter friends!) and then I think I’m not geeky enough for Jim.  Oh, I know I’ve always erred on the side of geeky, but I would never in a million years put myself in, say, the Category That is Jim.  Or maybe I should call it the Category That was Jim.  Jim himself seems like his old gaming interests aren’t doing for him what they once did.

But sometimes I forget that, and I’ll start reading some other girl’s blog and she’s WAY more into gaming than I’ll ever be–let’s be honest, I enjoy it, but I could drop it in a heartbeat; it’s mostly a cheap thing to do with my man–and then I worry that I’m wasting Jim’s time.  There’s someone out there better suited for him.  I don’t know why I constantly worry about this, but let’s take a stab in the dark this is the case, shall we?

I was once married twelve years to the wrong man.

You understand why I wouldn’t want to make that mistake again, right?  As much as I dislike my ex now, though, I have to admit that I feel guilty from time to time that I constantly tried to make myself “fit” in with who he was rather than admit we weren’t right for each other.  (Admittedly, he didn’t give me much of an option on this, but still.)  I feel guilty because I didn’t only waste my time–I wasted his time as well.  I love Jim like crazy, and I don’t want to do the same thing to him.

And while I do love Jim, I’m not going to change myself for anyone.  Besides, why should I?  Jim told me when we first started dating that he thought I was way out of his league and was shocked I said yes when he asked me out–something he never thought of the type of girls he knew before.  So I’ve decided that those girls should be more like ME.  MUHAHAHA.

In a nutshell, I need to quit trying to mentally set my boyfriend up with other women, heh.  They’re not good enough for him.  I know.  I’m mean.  Don’t believe me?  Seriously, we once had the following conversation:

Me:  Wait–what was that one girl’s last name?  [It was a girl Jim used to like.]

Jim:  [Tells me the last name.]

Me:  Holy shit, I saw her on Facebook.  You know how our computer will start screwing through pages when you click too fast?  It did that, I saw her, but I didn’t think it could be the same girl because I was like, That can’t be her because–Well, she’s kinda ugly.

Jim:  Yeah…I didn’t think so at the time, but now…

Me: …

Jim:  What?

Me:  Would it be really wrong to say that I’m WAY prettier than some of the girls you used to like?

Jim:  Only if it would be wrong for me to completely agree.

I love when we’re assholes together.  And that is why I’m the girl for Jim.

Oh, by the way, being mean isn’t what made me happy.  (Although, sometimes, I’ll get into my Snobby Mode to cheer me up.  It works wonders.  Try it sometime.)  Today started off bad:  My stomach was still hurting and I forced myself to do overtime.  I felt sick enough to cancel D&D, which brings us to week #3 with no game.  I worry about disappointing Jim–and Phil. 

But it picked up because 1) I tried another type of medicine that, so far, seems to be working (!) and 2) I bought Jim’s birthday present early, per his request.  His present?  An XBox 360, which he played ALL DAY.  My man is happy.

I’m very good at that, by the way–making Jim happy.  I’m thinking that might be also why I’m the right girl for the job.

Co-worker:  Spring, I have a question.

Me:  Yeah?

Co-worker:  We received records over here.  The rep sent a letter out saying we needed more info.  Well, they sent the info in, and I have it open over here, but the previous rep never closed their stuff out.

Me:  They probably just forgot to close it.  I would close theirs out with a note that it’s a dup to mine.

Co-worker:  Okay.

Me:  But I would foward the records for review, but I would keep mine open and keep tabs on it myself because IIIIIIIIIII’M SELFISH.

What?  That’s not a good enough reason?

Just because my man says some funny shit sometimes.  Also, these are all relationship/marriage themed.  Just a forewarning for those with weak stomachs for sweet stuff.

Scene 1:

Jim:  I can’t wait to get married.  I can’t wait to say “I’m married.”  I can’t wait to say, “Spring’s my wife.  I’m her husband.  Here are our rings.   FUCK YOU.”

Don’t ask me what got him so defensive in that little imaginary conversation he was having in his head, but it sure as hell was funny when he said it.

Scene 2:

Jim on wedding rings, after I joked that lots of guys take off their rings when they go bar-hopping to pick up girls.

Jim:  What?  I’m not gonna take off my wedding ring!  I’m gonna ROCK that shit.

Scene 3:

I actually already posted this one on Twitter, but I love it so much, I have to put it in here, too.  This one came after Jim was complaining about a married man he knows checking out every halfway decent-looking woman who passes him.

Jim:  …So he was like, “Dude, did you see that girl?”  And I was like, “No.”  And he said, “She was SUPER hot,” and I said, “Dude, I don’t care.”  He just doesn’t get it.  I’m not like him.  I like being in a commited relationship.  I don’t feel tied down–I feel tucked in!

Me:  I had another dream that you cheated on me last night.  Why do I keep having dreams that you’re cheating on me?

Jim:  I’m not cheating on you, Spring.

Me:  I know that.  When would you have time? 

Jim:  Remember how you said you I’d be scared before the wedding?  Well, don’t you think that works both ways?

Me:  You mean that my brain is trying to scare me with the worst possible scenario and force me to prepare for it, just in case it happens?

Jim:  Or putting up roadblocks.

Me:  OR it could be because you’re actually doing something that you know I wouldn’t like, and my subconscious is blowing it out of proportion in order to make me pay attention.  So, Jim…did you do anything you know I wouldn’t like?  Might as well tell me–can’t be as bad as cheating.

Jim:  Well…I did leave my socks on the floor yesterday.  Deliberately.

Me:  …

Jim:  Yeah, I was like “I’m over here and the closet’s over there.  Fuck it!”

Me:  That’s not exactly what I had in mind…

Last night, Jim bought me season 4 of Dexter, “just because.”  He says this is because I’m always buying him DVDs, and he wanted to return the favor.  Works out well, since we both love the show.  Except I always end up getting frustrated by the close calls Dexter gets into because of his “hobby”:

Me:  Arrgh!  Dexter, if you’d just stop killing people, you wouldn’t keep getting in this mess!  JUST STOP.  It’s easy!  I don’t kill people all the time!

Jim:  I don’t know, Spring.  I think it’s a little like Pringles:  Once you pop, you can’t stop.

Jim’s so funny.  Speaking of Jim being funny, he posted on his blog pictures of the cthulhu we got from Ruth “meeting” the Hearthstone soap we got from Emma.  Unfortunately, he didn’t give it a title, so I can’t link to the entry directly.   You’d just have to go to his site and look at the August 19th post.  Right now, it’s the first one listed.

Grr boo hiss…I’ve got to get dressed for work.  But at least it’s Friday, right?

[Edit:  Jim went back and added a title to that entry I mentioned, which is here.]

After leaving the apartment this morning, I was greeted by a woman sitting next to the stairwell right next to my door, while she was talking to someone on her cell phone and smoking.

Woman:  Hi.

Me:  Hello.

Woman:  Excuse me, but are you one of the students that goes to the college?

Me [looking at my Blue Cross Blue Shield lunchbox, my Blue Cross Blue Shield T-shirt, and my Blue Cross Blue Shield name badge]:  No.

Spring exits stage left.

All kidding aside, wasn’t it kinda obvious?

The funniest thing I’ve heard all day, straight from the mouth of Jim:

Jim:  The animal kingdom lost some of my sympathy the day that stingray killed Steve Irwin.  It doesn’t matter how much you love nature.  They don’t care.  From now on, I’m gonna shoot first and conservate later.

God, I laughed so hard when he said this.

Last night, while Jim was flipping through one of his old copies of Dragon:

Me:  Geez, Jim.  Look at that horrible magazine with its awful portrayal of women on the cover.

Jim:  That’s not a woman.  That’s a demon.

Me:  Geez, Jim.  Look at that horrible magazine with its awful portrayal of female-demons on the cover.

Jim:  What are you talking about?

Me:  She’s all big-boobed and scantily-clad…

Jim:  She does not have big boobs.

Me:  Yes, she does, Jim.  She’s got huge boobs!

Jim:  [holds magazine up next to me, looking back at forth between me and the magazine, comparing us]  Nope.  She doesn’t.

Me:  WELL, YOU CAN’T COMPARE HER TO ME. 

Another odd conversation had within the last 24 hours.  This time, between me and a Moe’s employee:

Moe’s Guy:  [peeking at my order]  No meat?

Me:  Yeah, it’s the Ruprict–the vegetarian nachos.

Moe’s Guy:  [muttering] I can give you some meat.

Me:  Wait–what did you say?

Moe’s Guy:  Uh, nothing, nothing.  But you should eat meat.  It’s good.  I’m not gonna charge you for the sour cream.

Me:  Um…thanks?

What I should have said:  I have all the meat I can handle with my man!  Better luck next time, small fry!  BWAHAHAHAHA.

Because, yeah, I’m evil like that.

Today, while walking off with two co-workers to go to break:

Co-worker #1:  Did they take you off the phones because of all the system problems, too?

Co-worker #2:  Yeah, they’re having us doing that diversity training thing instead.

Me:  WHAT?  Oh, my god, I thought you said PERVERSITY training.

Sometimes, it would be better if weekends with Jim weren’t so amazing.  Then Mondays wouldn’t be so awful in comparison.

This weekend wasn’t particularly eventful or anything.  We cancelled our game on Friday and had Phil over instead; Saturday, Jim had his game and I enjoyed some much needed “me” time while working on the latch hook and watching Avatar again; and then Sunday, Jim and I drove around, and I finished the pirate ship latch hook!  Well, mostly.  I got the latch hooking done, but I still need to finish off the edges and get a dowel to hang it up. 

This is the part where it gets tricky because, uh, I’ve never done this part of latch hooking before.  The other latch hooks I’ve made in the past were grabbed up by other people and finished by them.  So I was hunting on the internet last night for how to finish one off, but most everything I found was for if you wanted to turn your latch hook into a rug.  Damn it, I don’t want a rug; I want a wall hanging.  All I know is that you have to baste the edges.  And I was like Baste?  That’s what you do to turkeys.

Of course, I’m a vegetarian and have been for thirteen years, so I’m a little fuzzy on that kind of basting, too.

(Okay, I’m kidding.  I do know that basting is a sewing thing.  But I’m not kidding when I say I had to Google how to baste because…well, what kind of sewing is it?)

At any rate, I need to get it figured out and up because Jim is excited.  I never thought he’d get so excited about a latch hook wall hanging, but…well, I guess he really likes pirate ships.

But, really, who doesn’t?

Jim and I are both already eyeing the pattern that came with the latch hook kit and debating what other things we could do with it.  Jim had suggested a pillow, but honestly, I think latch hook pillows are more for show than actual use.  He also suggested a big latch hook blanket, but yeah…not a good idea.  And then I was like, “Wait–why can’t I just sort ‘blow’ up the pattern and crochet a blanket with that pattern?”

Jim LOVES the idea, but we’ll see.  I’ve never taken a pattern and “blown” it up before.  I don’t even know if I can do that, but I don’t see where I can’t.

But whatever.  Since this project is almost done, I’m debating what I’m going to do for the next one.  Because my apartment’s floor is just ugly tile, I’ve been debating making a rug.  But I don’t want to latch hook one; it’s not the style I want.  So I’ve been reading up on something called locker hooking and rug hooking.  The problem is that I don’t know how to do either.  Do I really want to learn something new?

The answer is yes.  Yes, I do.  I will keep finding things and keep bugging Jim about it.  Like last night:

Me:  Jim!  Look at this!  [I turn the laptop toward him, showing him locker hooked rugs.]  What do you think?  I’ve never seen this before!  I want to do this.

Jim:  That looks really nice–

Me:  How about this one?  This one isn’t locker hooked.  It’s done by something called “rug hooking.”

Jim:  That one is good, too.

Me:  OH MY GOD.  Look at THIS RUG.  This one is done by a LOOM.

Jim:  Wow, now that one is really nice.  How much does a loom cost?

Me:  Er…nevermind.  I just read that one for the size I’d want would be over $500.

Jim:  WHAT?

Me:  But you can BUILD one!  Oh–wait…It’d be, like, 9 feet tall.  There’s really no place to put that in a one-bedroom apartment.  I want to learn how to do all this stuff, though.  HEY.  What about BASKETWEAVING?  Would you learn how to basketweave with me?

Jim:  I’d TOTALLY learn how to basketweave with you!

Any man who says they’d learn basketweaving with you is the best man ever.  They also make every weekend the best one ever.  But, damn, do they make you hate Mondays.