springading.com

SIGH. I’m bored. So bored. I’m watching Angel and thinking that all these people who die on this show have exciting, interesting deaths, at least, whereas I am probably going to die of a tooth infection. Which, even that, with its death and stuff–boring.

My tooth really has been bugging me.

Not much has been going on. Jim has started school. This is the first time he’s ever gone full time, and while he’s reduced his hours at work, he’s still working three days a week. So far, he’s doing well, but the semester’s still early, and five classes with that much work is…well, it’s a lot.

It’s a lot of hours to put in while going to school; it’s not enough hours for two people trying to pay bills. Jim’s the food-and-gas guy, whereas I’m the “everything else” girl. I’ve come to terms that I will probably have to start picking up on the tab on groceries, which wouldn’t be such a big deal if I didn’t want to get rid of our credit card bill so bad. I’ve been paying for that thing since, like 2008. I was doing a great job last year of getting it knocked out, then had a couple of rough months where I only paid the minimum and BAM. It was right back where it was.

Credit card companies are evil.

So Jim and I are trying to cut back, when there’s really not a lot to cut back on, since we never were big spenders in the first place. We figure we can save some money by eating in and not driving around so much. I’m proud that I didn’t hit Jim up for one of our drives at all this week. (I asked about it one night, but that’s because I was verifying that he didn’t want to. Honestly, I was too damned tired to go anywhere, anyway.) I’ve also been working overtime. Yet, after looking at today’s paycheck and mentally subtracting all the bills, there’s just so–so little of it left. And I feel like that damned credit card will be hanging over my head forever.

But, alas, I’ve been broke before. Very broke. And I’ve also gone from that to not living from paycheck to paycheck before now, so I know I can do it again. And you know what helps immensely with not living from paycheck to paycheck? Not having a car payment. Which, just doing what we’re doing now, it’ll be paid off in a little under three years. Way too long to be making a car payment, sure, but it’s at least a definite light at the end of a very dark tunnel.

A very long tunnel, but hey–as long as I can see that light.

Back to cutting back on money: that means trying to have cheaper hobbies. I’ve got my crocheting, but Jim has video games that he seems to just burn through. And XBox games are not cheap. And remember D&D? If anyone remembers way back when we started our “Homebrewed” game–can you believe it’s almost been a year?–then you would remember that initially, it wasn’t just a way for Jim and I to do something together, it was also a way to save money. Except lately, we haven’t been playing. First, it started off with me. After, you know, things happened (I really don’t want to talk about it anymore), I couldn’t get myself back into it. Then the holidays, then it seemed like Jim couldn’t get himself back into it, and last week and this week, it won’t happen because Jim’s been scheduled to work on Saturday.

Truth be told, I barely remember where we left off. I kind of miss it.

But even if we don’t do our D&D game again, I have a plan. Just work more overtime, even more than I’m already working. Because then when I get home, I’m dead tired, and all I want to do is sleep. As far as hobbies go, they don’t come any cheaper than that.

Speaking of…I think I’ll head to bed. I plan on doing more overtime in the morning. Night, y’all.

I suppose I should pop in here and say hi once in a while, especially while I can.  As I’ve mentioned before, November is National Novel Writing Month–or NaNoWriMo–and I’ve managed to convince Jim to participate.  With only the one laptop, though, it means I’ll have less time on it.  And, no, I’m not complaining.  This will tear me away from the computer to try to finally hammer out Jim’s Lego Pirate Ship Blanket–especially since I think after I’m done with it, I’m going to dust off my knitting needles and make a blanket for my dad.

Although Jim just requested a new crocheted dice bag.

Jim has gotten excited about the contest.  He’s been throwing around ideas and ran two of them past me last night.  I like both and hope that he writes about both eventually.  Unfortunately, the conversation about what he plans on writing turned into a conversation about what I’m not writing. 

Not long ago, I had told Jim that I wanted to write some sort of fantasy story.  I even asked him for short stories or novels so I could get a better feel for the genre.  (It might come as a surprise to you, but I’ve read way more sci-fi books than I ever have fantasy, so I wouldn’t say I’m very knowledgable in it.)  Jim happily recommended books.  And then last night, I announced I didn’t want to do it anymore.

Jim was disappointed.  And then I got defensive.  And then I got psychoanalyzed about how I don’t do things that are easy for me, which, incidentally, includes drawing, which Jim (I can tell) gets a little bugged that I’m not more into, yadda, yadda, yadda, and I don’t think Jim gets it.  Writing literary fiction is easy for me.  That’s just what’s in me.  I don’t think I have what it takes to write a fantasy story.  So if the argument is that I only want to do things that are a challenge for me–bzzzt!  WRONG.

I think writing a fantasy story would be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write.  And keep in mind that I used to have independent study poetry classes with Judy Jordan.  (Hint:  She’s made people cry in her class before.  I was not one of them.  I was lucky–she named me as the best writer in both the undergrad and grad departments.  Huzzah!)  So my point?  I don’t wanna write a fantasy story because I work all week, I need to do more overtime, and I don’t think I’m gonna have time to do something that I think it going to be very difficult for me.  I cannot tell a lie:  I don’t think I’d be good at it at all.

In all honesty, though…if I ever do write something in the fantasy genre, I think I’m going to set it in Jim’s world of Valt.  I’ve asked Jim, and he seems happy with this.  He actually thinks because I haven’t read a plethora of fantasy books or participated in a bunch of D&D games, I could put a fresh perspective on it.  We’ll see.

Okay, seriously?  Let’s quit talking about writing.

So, I thought about posting earlier this week, but honestly, I don’t have a lot to say.  My life is fucking awesome.  Oh, there are a couple problems.  The student loan people are trying to tell me I make too much money to defer my loan any longer and want me to pay over $400 a month.  Which, HA.  HA.  HA.  Yeah, that’s not going to happen.  I sent them more current payment info that clearly shows that, no, I do not make enough.  We’ll see how that turns out.

Also, in not-so-cool news:  Something is up with my cats.  Not one, not two, but three accidents in a week.  And I think it’s Emmy, which is weird because Emmy just doesn’t have accidents.  She acts fine, but I’m starting to worry if it’s because she’s so old and she just can’t hold it like she used to.  Poor girl.

Work has been great.  I seriously like my job now.  Before, I wanted to try to get rid of bills and find a way to get my master’s degree ASAP.  Despite how much I love southern Illinois, I wanted to find a way out of here.  Now?  Now, I want to pay off my bills, get married, have kids (er, maybe, I don’t know about that one), buy a house, and stay here because I don’t see a point in quitting a job I like that pays well. 

And things with Jim, of course, are awesome.  The other day, he sneaked a little love note in my purse; the other night, he suggested I light a candle when I went to take my bath, and I found that he had carved “I love Spring” in it.  I laughed so hard, but honestly, it was the sweetest thing EVER.

If I could just figure out why I’ve had nearly constant stomach problems for the last week and a half and get bills squared away, I’d say I have a perfect life.

Anyway, I’m going to run.  Hopefully, there will be another “Homebrewed” post up sometime next Friday.  So far, we’ve missed three weeks in a row, and I’m hoping we don’t miss tomorrow’s game, too.  I’m actually looking forward to it–it’s been too long, and I feel bad that we just left Natalia, Iema, Corin, and Sunshine hanging in the Underdark.  Right after Iema had died and been resurrected, no less…

Until then!

Ugh.  The ER bill came in.  I just love how I get one bill from the hospital, telling me I don’t owe anything, that my insurance covered all of it, and then another one rolls in, telling me I owe almost $300.  However, seeing that the bill was originally over $5,000 and my insurance covered almost all of that, I can’t really complain, can I?

Now comes the debate as to how much overtime I should do.  We’ve been “requested” (read: very strongly recommended) to put in 30 hours of overtime in February, but we can do more if we get it approved.  There are two divisional Saturdays on February, so I have to go in for those.  I’m considering going in for every Saturday.  The money would be good, but my god, I don’t know if my sanity could take it.

But, damn, I really liked that I could put $700 toward the credit card bill last month.

Okay, let me try thinking about something other than bills for a change.  What else?  I’ve discovered if you have blood sugar issues (and, therefore, very shaky hands) and a slight blur in one eye, plus a just plain out-of-date contact prescription, it doesn’t make cross-stitch very easy.  In fact, I don’t think I like cross-stitch anymore.  Too bad–I remember it being easy, but being bent and squinting over fabric just isn’t my idea of fun these days. 

So I tossed that project on the table and tried to teach myself the double crochet stitch.  Except it seems like everyone says to do it slightly differently.  In fact, when I tried even looking up what a swatch should look like, I’ve seen varying results.  Guess that’s the downside of teaching yourself everything.

You know another downside to being me?  The fact that I need to get ready to go work.  Overtime.  Ugh.

I don’t know what to say, meaning whether things are good or things are bad.  I guess I’ll start with the bad, which, of course, seems to always involve my ex-husband:  Someone came by my sister’s place, where I used to live quite a while ago, with court papers, looking for either me or my ex-husband.  Which, incidentally, is laughable because after the stunts he pulled during our separation, my sister went from loving him like a brother to hating him as her worst enemy.  In a nutshell, he would not be welcome there.  Also, some giggles are in order as I have not lived with my sister in, like,  a year, and I don’t exactly hide where I’m at.

Yeah, that hiding from people BS is so over.  I refuse to not go to places I want to or into town just because I might run into someone I know there–and they’ll tell someone I don’t want to know that I’m in the vincinity.  I’m right here.  Everyone knows.  And, thankfully, nobody cares.  I do like to be left alone.

So at any rate, my sister texted me that someone was looking for me and the ex.  I did a little research and found out that the bank that my ex has his mortgage through is looking for both of us.  Looks like the house is in foreclosure–again.  Here’s the thing: I was supposed to have been taken off the loan.  In fact, the last time we went to court regarding my ex not giving me my things or paying me back as he was ordered to do in the first place, my lawyer made a comment to the judge that we were going on the assumption that he removed my name from everything, as he had been court-ordered to do per the divorce decree, because I hadn’t heard anything from anyone else.  (Before that, I had the credit card company, electric company, and the cable company come after me, all for debt that wasn’t mine.)

Here I was thinking that I was rebuilding my credit, rebuilding my life.  Sometimes, paranoia sinks in and I wonder if he’s trying to keep ties between us.  I mean, hell, he comes to my apartment every freakin’ month to make his payments when the post office is much closer to his house.  Speaking of, when he stopped by on Halloween to pay me, I told him apparently the bank was looking for us.  He feigned ignorance.  He had to be faking–how could he be surprised if he’s not paying his mortgage?  I asked him why my name was even on it.  He claims he can’t get it off.  My sister later wondered if he might be right, if he can’t refinance the house and get my name off because the house has gone into foreclosure before.  Maybe nobody will refinance it.

Switching men, now, from the ex to the present–the man I much rather talk about anyway.  Jim.  Jim, I think, is possibly more furious than I am.  “If he fucks up our future because he can’t pay his mortgage or afford that busted up bitch he’s got,” he grumbled.   (I, by the way, find it amusing, his calling her “busted up.”)  But he and I made a couple of plans, weighing our options for every way we think things can go.   And for some reason, while I find it annoying, I know it’s not going to ruin my life.  Oh, I suspect my financial health is about to take a swan dive in the shallow end of the pool, and that will suck, but it won’t be the end of the world.  I have an appointment with my lawyer today.  I’ll find out what she says.

I question sometimes why I’m so calm about this.  Honestly, I think because other than this, I’m the happiest I can remember ever being.  I try to keep the mooning over Jim to a minimum, but he is the best boyfriend in the world.  We both see an awesome future for us, credit be damned.  I’m not saying things are perfect or that we don’t get annoyed with each other.  We do.  But we’re also completely smitten.  Still.  And things are just things.  So, go ahead, Bank, try to take everything away from me, take my car, even, for a debt that’s not even mine.  Because the truth is you can’t take what actually matters to me.  You never will.