So, here’s a new post to prove I’m still around. Nothing much going on. Still working a lot, still getting put on the phones most days, although it is finally slowing down, and Fridays are pretty much the days we don’t get put on at all. (Last week, we were only on for 20 minutes. THAT, I can handle.) Next week, we’re not supposed to sign in at all–they claim they’re going to try to keep us off the hotline. I’m not delusional; we’ll probably be put on. But I see this as progress. Calls are slowing down again.

And thank god. Being on the hotline so much has made me start disliking work, which has been pushing me toward depression. I don’t mind calls here and there, but for 6-8 hours a day? It just wears me out.

That, honestly, has been why I haven’t been around. Also, when Jim’s in school, I don’t have access to the laptop as much. Oh, and he’s also been working on his novel again. Not that I’m arguing. My vision has really been acting up, and squinting at a computer screen some more at home when I’ve been doing it all day just isn’t my idea of fun.

Honestly, I’m too tired to say much more, and I have Lexx waiting for me on my big screen TV. (Which, admittedly, is still kind of blurry. I’m going to make an appointment for new glasses this week.) So I’ll end this post with pictures, showing what 2012 is like so far:

Weird, the bread from my new bread machine is pretty much the same color as my cutting board.

I crocheted a dice bag for Jim. It has since been completed. He seems happy with it.

I made a "cat mat" for Piper, but at first, she wouldn't stay in it until I put it next to Emmy. Awww. She LOVES Emmy.

I found this in my lunch box on Monday. It's some sort of scroll thing. When I opened it up, I found that Jim had put a love poem in it. Sweetest thing ever.

Things I also did this week but don’t have pictures of: I got an award of appreciation for the massive amounts of overtime I did the last 6 months of 2011, along with a keychain. (Sounds lame, but I’ve actually been wanting a new keychain, so it works out. ) I also went to a visitation for Angela’s mom, who passed away last Sunday, and I went to an art exhibition where another friend was–is, actually, as it’s still going–a featured artist. I did both of these things on Friday night. I know. I’ve never done the “partying on Friday night” thing right. Oh, well. One day I’ll learn.

No, honey, really, it’s Amy Lee’s voice that’s doing it for me!

Actually, I don’t know if that explanation would get me in any less trouble, heh.

Anyway. For someone who likes her life to be uneventful, there have been a lot of “events” around here. As promised, Tuesday was hellish. We were on the phones all day; queue times were crazy. Our work served pizza for lunch to help make the day more bearable. That would have been awesome, if I were not on a diet. While I do allow myself a “cheat day” once a week, Tuesday was not that day, and I was not wasting my cheat day for pizza at work. So I had to grit my teeth, take phone calls, and smell pizza I couldn’t have.

To make the day worse, it ended a text from Jim while I was rebooting my computer for something like the third time that day. I glanced at my phone. You’ll need to get a ride home. I’ve been in an accident. I’m okay.

Sigh. I got a ride home from Angela, which was fun, as I haven’t gotten to talk to her in a while. We pulled up in the parking lot and checked out the damage of my car.

My poor car. My cute, little car. Yeah. It’s not so cute right now. The passenger front below the headlight and along the right side over the tire are gone. Now the windshield wiper fluid tank and a tangle of wires around it and the headlight show for all the world to see. You know those sci-fi shows where there’s an android, all nice and human-looking, and the android inevitably gets injured so pieces of flesh go missing, so you see part human face, part scary robot face underneath? Yeah, my car reminds me of that. It’s kinda creepy, if I think about it too much.

Luckily, though, everyone’s okay. Most the damage was taken by our car. The other guy only got a broken finger, and Jim wasn’t hurt at all. With the exception of having to pay my deductible, insurance is paying for everything else. Jim, of course, feels terrible about the whole thing, but hey, when you drive around as much as he does, it’s bound to happen.

Also? This is what insurance is for. I’ve had my own car since I was 18 years old and have never filed a claim. As far as I’m concerned, this is kind of like the pay off for paying through the nose all these years. Kind of a crappy pay off, admittedly.   But still.

Oddly enough, while you would think I would be freaking out about money, I’ve decided that Jim and I should go out to dinner and a movie tonight. There’s nothing like a good, old-fashioned car accident to make you realize that life is short and that you spend too many days doing nothing, saving money for “someday,” when that elusive “someday” may never come. And it’s true: Jim and I rarely go out. Oh, we talk about it. We’ll be like, “Let’s go crazy! Let’s go out! Let’s cut loose and party!” And then we’ll go to Walmart and sulk around the aisles, knowing full well that we’re not going to buy a damned thing.

Tonight, though, it’s gonna be Mexican food and a movie! And it’s gonna be awesome. I’m glad I didn’t give my cheat day up on Tuesday for that stupid pizza. Even now, I’m pretty much skipping lunch to make sure I have plenty of calories to work with for dinner. And let me tell you, I am starving. The fact that I’m daydreaming about what I’ll order tonight is probably not helping.

I just gotta hang in there for three more hours. In just a little under three hours, Jim and I will be celebrating life with a plate of nachos.

Okay, for real? I’m going to find something else to do. Something that will keep my mind off food. Ugh, dieting. Wish me luck!

I did, however, finish crocheting Piper’s cat mat, polish off season 1 of Buffy with Jim (we’ve agreed that it’s high time we had another Buffy/Angel marathon), and we started watching season 2 of Justified. By the way, Jim has given me the heads up that season three of Justified starts tomorrow. I don’t know how many people watch the show, but if you’re not familiar with it, check it out here. It’s awesome.

I’m really glad it’s starting tomorrow, too. Tomorrow promises to be a hellish day as it is predicted be the busiest phone day of the year at my company. My thought? I’m going to need some cute guys in cowboy hats by the end of the day.  Thank god Jim will be there watching it with me. It just makes everything better.

Things have changed. My theories have changed. Being nice is usually just not saying stuff you’re thinking. Now, if I’m good friends with someone, they’re getting what I think. And it’s not always nice. But, still, the people I choose to say stuff around are people I know who won’t go repeating it.

I may not be as nice as I used to be, but I still don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

Which brings me to last night. If you told me five years ago, this would be the scene in my living room, this would be my reaction, I would have been surprised at my future self.

Here’s what happened: Jim and I went on a drive, which means he started talking about gaming, which means we always start talking about relationships with gamers, and, of course, the stereotype that most gamers hook up with other gamers because nobody outside of the gaming community would ever date them.

No, it’s not true in all cases. But it does have truth in others.

Anyway, Jim talked about one such girl where the stereotype did hold true. He couldn’t figure out why anyone would date her, as she was neither attractive nor nice. Apparently, she must have been really unattractive because Jim suddenly really wanted me to see a picture of her, just to show me what he had meant.

We broke out Google. Didn’t help much, as Jim couldn’t remember the girl’s real name, so he tried searching for her character’s name. Unfortunately, she doesn’t appear to be playing that character anymore, so we just kept pulling up pictures of some female wrestler instead.

One thing led to another. And, because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings–this blog is public, and you never know who is going to stumble upon it–I’ll leave out names and try to be kinda vague. But what Googling that one girl did was lead us into trying to Google for pictures of Jim’s old gaming group, just because he wanted me to see pictures of some of his old friends–and even enemies, in some cases.

In the end, we ended up at the Flickr page of one of the girls of his old group, a girl Jim thought might have had pictures of the old gaming crew, who, incidentally, is a girl that Jim used to like when he was younger. “I thought she was so hot,” he had told me before. It sounded like he had it pretty bad for her–for a short time, at least.

We pulled up her Flickr page, looking to see if she had old gaming pictures, but I caught sight of more recent pictures. “Wait. Is that the girl?”

Jim glanced at the profile picture, which appeared to be an older picture. I couldn’t really tell much from that picture because it was so small. “That’s her, up there,” he said. Then he glanced down at the more recent picture I had found. He stared. “Oh, my gooood…Oh my god. Yeah. That’s her.”

And then my reaction, the one that would have surprised the old me, the reaction that isn’t nice, but it is honest:

I pointed at the laptop.

I started laughing.

I started laughing so hard that I almost cried.

Jim just stared at the screen. “Wow. She’s gained weight. She is not aging well.”

“She looks like a sausage stuffed in a doily!” I gasped. “That’s the girl you thought was so hot?” To be fair, while Jim seemed to think she had gotten chubby, I didn’t think she was particularly overweight. She just didn’t look like she had a shape, and she was wearing this clingy dress that wasn’t flattering. Could just be the dress, though.

Also, if I wore that dress, I would look like a sausage in a doily too. The difference is that I know better than to wear a dress like that.

Then I started feeling bad about my reaction. I didn’t mean to have that reaction, though. It’s just you expect someone to look one way and when they look the complete opposite…Well, it just came out. And poor Jim was still staring at the computer, looking almost scared–which just made the whole scene funnier to me. “She aged horribly,” he kept saying. “Oh, my god. It’s like she gained a bunch of weight just under her CHIN. She looks BAD.”

And then I started howling with laughter. “You wanted to hit that!”

Jim, of course, got defensive, claiming she didn’t always look like that. We did find older pictures from when he knew her, where she looked less frightening, but still–she was never what anyone would call pretty. Jim looked kind of embarrassed when he realized that she was never exactly what he remembered her to be. “In my defense, I was, like, 18. I would have made a go at a table leg, if I thought I had a chance.”

It just goes to show that both love and lust are blind.

Afterward, I felt a little bad about it. At first, I thought it was because because the girl could be nice, for all I know, and  she could be someone that I might have liked. (Then I remembered stories Jim told about her. Nevermind. She certainly didn’t sound nice. At all.) I think I feel more bad about the look of horror on Jim’s face when he saw the pictures. I didn’t mean to embarrass him. But let’s be honest–not nice, mind you, but honest: Don’t most of us look at people we’ve been with or liked in the past and cringe? Don’t most of us look back and say to ourselves What the hell was I thinking?

I’ve offered to show Jim some of the guys I’ve been with before him. One of them is downright ugly. Unlike Jim, though, I never deluded myself into thinking he was good-looking. But the dark can make anyone look better, right? And I had a thought:

Somewhere out there, someone has probably thought the same thing about me.

And you know what? I’m okay with that. As long as I don’t have to hear about it, I hope they’re having a good laugh! Life’s too damn short to be nice all the time.

At any rate, I do have a three day weekend and an agenda to match:

• Bread machine! I love my bread machine. So far, I’ve only made the one, plain, white bread recipe in it several times, but it’s just so good. I might try one of the other recipes this weekend, though. Just because.
• Craft stores! I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned the giant Warhammer 40K army that Jim was commissioned to paint a while back that he’s still working on. Anyway, Jim told Phil and me last night that he was going to Hobby Lobby today to get something to make one guy glow-in-the-dark. Of course, you know I’ll be going with him…and that I’ll drag him over to Joann Fabrics while we’re out because I still have money on my giftcard, which brings me to…
• Knitting and crocheting! I’m thinking of using aforementioned giftcard to get the needles for this cthulhu dice bag pattern. Phil asked me last night if I thought I could make that, and I said no way, it’s above my skills, but then I started looking at the pattern, and you know what? I think I might be selling myself short. Sure, I’ve never done the magic loop on knitting needles and I’ve never worked on circular needles period, but I think I could do it. Of course, I wouldn’t be able to get to this right away, as I’m still in the middle of crocheting Piper’s cat mat. I ended up having to rip out just about everything I got done on New Year’s.
• Sewing! Ha! Okay, yeah, I’m not about to sew just yet. But my other plan is to take my sewing machine out of the box, dust it off, and just figure out how to put the thing together. Even if I had time to try a project, I don’t have the stuff. One thing at a time.

Now, as to how much of this list I’ll actually attempt is anyone’s guess. For now, I’m gonna watch some season 6 of Supernatural.

Work. On the phones every single day. Every. Single. Freakin’. Day.

Checked e-mail box for group I work. Note I’m the only person who works this email box. Find an e-mail asking me to “respond as quickly as possible” as the provider is irate. Email is from a week ago. Sorry, but haven’t had time to check, been on phones. Every. Freakin’. Day.

Diet good. Seven pounds lost. Only took two weeks.

Jim bought cream soda. Pretty sure it’ll only take me two days to gain that back.

Got my invite to Pinterest. It’s addictive.

Too tired to write more. Going to bed, going to work at 6 AM. I have to be on the hotline at 8 and stay for the rest of my shift.

Keep praying for snow, so I can take a snow day…keep getting this stupid 50 degree weather.

Ugh. Done now.

(Although Jim very much was.)

Here’s hoping this is a little blip and not a sign of things to come.

Incidentally, my bread machine makes wonderful bread. It went along great with the wonderful soup that my wonderful husband made.

Except, of course, that it doesn’t, no matter how hard I try to make it so.

Remembering that today is New Year’s Eve reminds me that if I need to go to the store, I’d better do it soon, since I don’t know what time they’re closing tonight. And going to the store is definitely on my agenda. I have full intentions of using my new bread machine today, so I need ingredients. I also  plan on making use of that Jo-Ann giftcard Jim’s brother Dan gave me for Christmas.

Despite my subconscious effort to lengthen December, I’m glad 2011 is coming to an end. I started it off by trying to overcome one miscarriage, only to lose a nephew that I was close to and suffer a second miscarriage. I know there were a lot of good things about 2011, but those three things have haunted me.

But there were good things about 2011, too. The big one: Jim and I got married! Then we had a wonderful honeymoon, and we managed to pay off the huge credit card bill that had been looming over our heads for over two years. Jim quit smoking, quit his job, and went to school full-time. I’m doing well in a job I like and got a couple of pay raises.

I can’t help but wonder what 2012 will be like. Normally, I’m not too huge on resolutions, but this year, I’ve decided that I need to. Here’s my list:

1. Lose weight.
   I know. Not exactly original. But the recent health problems have made me concerned, so I think it’s time I got serious about it. I’ve almost completed my first week of my diet, and it’s been going very well. I even managed not to go crazy on my “cheat day.” (Which I’ve decided is Fridays, by the way. Having a cheat day worked really well for me when I lost a ton of weight last time; I see no reason why I shouldn’t do it again.)
2. Stop biting my nails.
   Yes, I know it’s gross. Why do you think I’m trying to stop? However, this isn’t going nearly as well as my diet. Half of the time, I don’t even realize when I’m biting them. And since this time of the year is the most stressful time at work–my chances of getting stuck working the hotline, which I hate, skyrockets in January/February–I’ve noticed that my nails seem to be getting shorter and shorter. I don’t even know when that happened.
3. Learn to sew.
   And here we start the fun goals. Notice that I’m not saying “learn to sew WELL.” But I’ve had this sewing machine my mother gave me shoved in the back of my closet for a year and a half. I’d at least like to drag it out and learn how to set it up, ya know?
4. Buy a new computer.
   Screw you. It’s a legitimate goal.
5. Crochet/knit more.
   Okay, I was on my way with this one, anyway. But it’s still a challenge, since I’ve been working more and more 10-11 hour days since August.

Seeing that I do work long days most of the time, I’m going to end the goal list here. I also have to be realistic. There are many things I’d like to do, but until I get us caught up to where I want us to be financially, I don’t have much time for anything else but work, work, work.

And on that note, I’m off to get stuff done. Until then, have a wonderful New Year!

Cute?

Jim put this picture on our desktop. I feel like it’s his round about way of hitting on me…and I think I’m okay with it?