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Why, yes, it IS another “Homebrewed,” and yes, so soon.  The day after our game, in fact.  Gotta pick my brain while the pickins are good.  Right now, Iema and Natalia are still at the mage fair, enjoying their friend Raelan’s presentation and searching for more clues on Chenestes.  However, every time we’re moseying along, minding our own business, something gets in the way.  Most recently: Some suspicious-looking guy standing over our new, disintegrated friend, Althris.  Lost?  Catch up with part 15, located here.      

Briezen the 4^th      

This game is brought to you by…CTHULHU!  Seriously.  Look:      

A big shout-out and thank you goes to Ruth, from whom I ordered this crocheted awesomeness.  I was opening the package right when we were getting ready for our next “Homebrewed” game.  And I have to say, we were all very impressed with it.  It’s even cuter in real life than in the pictures.  Initially, when I told Jim that I was ordering a crocheted cthulhu, he was doubtful.  But when I handed it to him, he was like, “WOW.  That IS cute.”  Good thing he loves it, since I really bought it for him, heh.  Phil also took a look at it, said he’d like one for his desk.  I’m half-tempted to order another one later on.  For anyone else who is interested, Ruth’s Etsy store is here.  Help fund a fellow geek!  I highly recommend it.       

But, alas, as bad ass as Cthulhu is, I doubt he can take on Gremlin.  I’ve seen what that kitten has done to my crochet swatches.  And Gremlin was already circling the scene, so Cthulhu didn’t stick around for the game–he went up on the bookshelf, where he would be safe.      

So, onto the game:  Iema and Natalia wake up in the PORTABLE MASION.  Sorry, but you cannot say PORTABLE MANSION without caps.  Or shouting at the top of your lungs.  It’s just too awesome.  So we wake up and go downstairs.  There, we find the kids already up.  The little girl is playing with Beta, while Corin is fiddling with a multi-colored disk that looks like the one The Thing tried to use during our encounter with him.      

Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that part, didn’t I?  The Thing had a disk that he was trying to use to Plane Shift out of there when he realized that being mauled by a dire lion and a druid-gone-wild wasn’t exactly what he wanted out of life.  Well, Thing, sorry, but if I cannot Plane Shift my ass out of my cubicle during the week, you don’t get to Plane Shift your ass out of your untimely demise.  Only fair.      

Anyway, that is another clue that, perhaps, you D&D veterans out there can use to identify The Thing.  I, however, am the noob that I am.  I’ve absolutely no idea what it was.      

Iema asks Corin if he can look at the disk and examines it.  It’s about 6″ in diameter and 1/2″ thick.  He tries to do a spellcraft check on it, but it doesn’t go so well.  He decides to show Uliver once he wakes up.      

We don’t have to wait long.  Uliver finally comes downstairs, ready for his morning coffee.  You’d think that with all the spells wizards can learn, they’d find a better way to wake up than caffeine.  Then again, why mess with what already works–and is already good?      

Uliver carefully turns the disk over in his hands.  He tells Iema that he thinks it’s something that sort of creates energy–something casters can use when their powers are tapped out.  This makes sense.  Initially, The Thing tried to Plane Shift without it.  It only tried to use the disk after his own Plane Shift failed.     

Iema debates who could best use it.  Uliver looks at him strangely.  “You don’t understand.  It’s good for spontaneous spellcasters.”     

Which, obviously, would be Iema, who is the only spontaneous spellcaster in our little crew.     

Iema wants to test the disk out.  We debate where to test it out.  We talk about trying it out later, when we’re away from the kids–     

“But I want to go with you!” Corin cuts in, in his Jade Islander accent.  (Which, incidentally, sounds Irish.  Or Scottish.  Oh, lord, I don’t know–it sounds funny, okay?  And good.  I didn’t realize my man was so good at accents.)     

Iema explains to Corin that it isn’t that he doubts Corin’s skills at all, but Iema is concerned for Corin’s safety.  He is only 13, after all.  He had planned on leaving Corin with Uliver at times to learn some things during the times we’re gone.     

“But I don’t want to stay with Uliver!  I don’t want to be a wizard!” he protests.     

“He wouldn’t be teaching you how to be a wizard,” Iema tries to explain.     

“We’re worried you’re going to die,” Natalia says.  “And even though I can cast Reincarnate on you, you probably won’t come back human at first.  And you’ll come back with something wrong.”     

“Although, I guess Raelan could always just polymorph you back to a human,” Iema says.     

Corin shoots a wry look at Natalia.  He turns back to Iema.  “If something happens to me,” he says, ”can’t you just take me to a cleric or someone who can do a real resurrection?”    

“HEY!”  Natalia says sharply.  “Whaddaya mean, a REAL Resurrection?”    

Iema and Corin debate.  Corin says he can use a dagger.  And it becomes clear that Corin is not going to back down on this, so it’s settled:  Corin is going to be coming with us from now one.  I guess this would be Phil’s character’s official first “follower.”    

“Well,” I say, once things are decided, “I do not care, the little girl is not coming with me.  SHE’S FIVE.”    

We can all agree on that.    

Everyone turns their attention back to the disk.  Iema tries to use it to cast an invisibility spell on himself.  And that’s when things go horribly wrong.    

KABOOM!  (Gotta love Jim and his sound effects.)    

After the dust settles, we all find ourselves on the floor.  The table is charred, destroyed beyond recognition.  Iema is the first to rise, looking for Corin.  The bard finally finds the kid under the coffee table, unconscious.  Iema pulls him out from under the table and starts healing.  Corin snaps upward, coughing, sputtering.    

“How do you feel?” Iema asks.    

“Alive.”    

Natalia crosses her arms.  “You still wanna come with us, hm?”  Corin pointedly ignores her comment.    

Iema is still checking on everyone and finds Uliver nearby.  “Hey, you need some healing, too?”    

Uliver sits up.  “Um, no.  I’m just fine.  How about we don’t do any more spells before our morning coffee?”    

The only ones missing are Beta and the little girl.  Natalia finds Beta slammed into the wall.  The little girl had been behind him before the explosion.  Natalia scrambles over to Beta, shoves him up, looking behind and underneath him for the girl.  She’s nowhere to be found.    

Finally, we find her.  She has been slammed through the wall into the next room.  Jim says she’s pulverized.  Natalia’s heart sinks.    

“We have to Reincarnate on her,” Natalia says desperately.  “She’s only 5.  She didn’t even get a chance to live.  Of course, the chances of her coming back human…”    

“She might actually prefer not to be human,” Iema points out.  “You saw how much she likes animals.”    

My brain is already whirring.  “I can cast Speak with Animals, too, so if she does come back as an animal, I can find out if that’s how she wants to stay.”    

“We could always take her to a cleric,” Iema says.  “Since her death is really my fault, I’ll foot the bill for it.  It’ll be expensive, though.”    

Natalia shakes her head.  “Let’s do it the free way,” she says.  She turns her attention to the girl and casts Reincarnation.  I roll the dice to see what she comes back as; Phil happily looks at his Player Handbook so he can know right away.  To all our amazement, she actually comes back as a little girl.    

When she comes to, her eyes grow big.  Then she curls up into a ball and starts rocking back and forth.  Soon, we discover she’s also wet herself.    

Uliver comes over, peering over our shoulders to look at her.  “Uh oh.  That’s not good.  You broke her.”    

Iema leans over to sing a lullaby, one that inspires courage.  She relaxes and falls asleep.  Natalia scoops her up.  “I’m going to change her clothes,” she says.  “Uliver?”    

He points her in the right direction.  Natalia turns to leave.  Behind her, she can hear Uliver say how he’s never been dead, that he never plans to.  Natalia wonders about how men can make jokes about lichdom after seeing a kid died, but maybe that’s just this world.  She goes to change the little girl.    

She finishes up, brings the little girl back into the room.  We discuss what we’re going to do with her.  I had already known that Natalia wouldn’t be able to keep the little girl; my druid’s lifestyle just isn’t what one could call child-friendly.  But I wanted to be very careful in selecting a caretaker for her.  I didn’t want to just dump her on the first person who promised to take care of her.  I wanted someone who could keep her safe, who could take care of any issues that might crop up (out of character, I know about the curse; Natalia doesn’t, though), and who would make her happy.  The kid’s had a shitty enough life as it is.  Secretly, I’d been mulling between Elianra and Roan as being possible adoptive parents to the little girl.    

But now we have an added issue:  The little girls got some severe mental trauma from being brought back from the dead.  We decide to first decide what exactly were were dealing with–what exactly went wrong when Natalia Reincarnated her.    

Natalia hoists the dozing little girl onto her back.  We say goodbye to Uliver and go to find Ressin, the cleric that had sold us the wands, to see if he could help us figure out what’s wrong with the little girl.  Ressin suggests that we find a necromancer.  Natalia worries aloud about necromancers being evil; I’m informed out of character that not all necromancers are evil, although it certainly seems to draw some pretty nasty people.  To calm my nerves, Phil rolls a Bardic Knowledge check to see if Iema knows any way of identifying a goodly-aligned necromancer.  Luckily, he does well, and Jim tells him that Iema knows that good necromancers worship one of the good gods.  I think he gave a name of one, but I didn’t catch it.  Anyway, they often wear a symbol of an orchid with a sickle across it.    

Corin, smart kid that he is, speaks up.  “If we want to find a necromancer, why don’t we go to the Wizard of Titles?”    

Iema looks at Corin, interested.  “The Wizard of Titles?  How do you mean?”    

“I heard Raelan talking to you guys about him the other day,” he says.  Perceptive kid.  “Wouldn’t he, out of anyone, know a goodly-aligned necromancer?”    

Good idea!  So we head over the the Wizard of Title’s booth.  Turns out the Wizard of Titles is a Gravekin, whose name is Axien, and who is currently flipping through pages of a book.  He has pieces of flesh hanging off in bits.  Natalia shifts her weight with the little girl still on her back, staring at the Gravekin.  Which, yes, is kind of rude, but Natalia’s not exactly the polished sort.  I imagine she would probably stare at amputees, too.  I know.  Not classy at all, right?     

Iema takes the strangeness of the Axien in stride, though, asking him if he knows where we can find a goodly-aligned necromancer.  When Axien speaks, he sounds kind of like a frog.  He gives us a list of names, but strongly suggests we talk to the Wizard of Scales, Toris.  We thank him and turn to leave.    

“Wait,” Axien croaks.  “Before you leave, I need you to tell me: Is the Wizard of Ribbons dead?”    

Iema looks at Natalia.    

Natalia says, “Sorval?  Yeah, she’s dead.”    

“Are you sure?  She’s gone?  She’s not coming back?  You saw a body?”    

Now I’m getting unsure.  “Yes.  Why?”    

“Because there’s a young sorceress that’s interested in taking the Wizard of Ribbons title,” he explains.   

Oh, okay.  That actually makes sense he would be asking about it, then.  Damn, he had me worried.  I was nervous that she wasn’t dead and that she’d be hunting down Raelan with that annoying little steam mephit again.   

We then hurry off to see this Toris person.  I swear, most of this mage fair is just looking for people.  Nobody is at the Wizard of Scales’ quarters, save a boy who is brushing a horse.  We ask for Toris, and he starts to scamper off to get him.  Iema calls out that we’ll just follow him and go to Toris –no need to drag Toris back to us, away from whatever he’s doing.   

The boy leads us to a tent.  Jim says when we enter the tent, we realize that it is enchanted, so sound cannot leave.  Within the tent, there is a group of people gathered in a meeting, many of whom are shady-looking characters.  However, the man we discover to be the Wizard of Scales is not one of them.   

He comes over to find out what we want.  We show him the little girl, explain the situation.   

He holds the sleeping child, examines her.  “First of all,” he snaps at Natalia, “you should leave the resurrecting to the clerics.”   

I’m about to snap something back–Natalia is sick of the anti-druid crap–but quickly decide against it, lest we piss the man off and he doesn’t help the little girl.  The little girl’s mental health comes before Natalia’s ego.   

“I’ve seen this before,” Toris says, handing her back to us.  “She remembers being dead.  Now she’s aware of everything that could kill her.  She’s afraid of everything because she remembers.”   

Natalia cradles the girl.  “So, really, she’s lost her innocence,” I mutter.  Well, I guess it was in-character, so I guess Natalia muttered it, too.  But the thing with kids is that they’re not so aware of their mortality–not the way adults are.  I don’t know about you guys, but I used to do all sorts of crazy shit as a kid I would never do now.  For one, I used to be quite a climber.  Now, you’re not getting me to climb anything.  All I can think of is a thousand ways a head can split open.   

I miss being a kid sometimes.  But back to the game.   

Toris says that several things can help the little girl, refocusing being one, like taking on an apprenticeship.  Natalia immediately remembers the Wizard of Animals.  The second option, he says, is to take her to a cleric of a benign faith.  The third option is discipline.  That, he says, he can offer.  She can join his entourage, the Gray Phalanx, which consists of warriors, clerics, and paladins, amongst other things.  They will make use of her natural talent (I automatically think of her affinity with animals) and train her.  

Natalia is hesitant to hand over the girl to him, even though Jim tells me out of character that his group is a lawful good group.  Natalia tells Toris that she wants to check with the Wizard of Animals first.  That, I think, would be the girl’s first pick.  Toris understands, states that he’s there if Elianra doesn’t work out.  And it’s a good thing that option is left open because when we go to see the Elianra…well, things haven’t been so good for her.  

When we get to Elianra’s, the portal to go to her little pocket jungle-realm has smoke coming out of it.  The guy standing outside it tells us that it’s closed.  We tell him that we need to speak to Elianra on a personal matter.  He allows us to go in.   

Inside, everything is a mess.  Elianra comes to greet us, but she looks stressed.  She explains that when the Dragon Council was underway, with all the dragons there in their humanoid forms, a latecomer showed up.  She didn’t catch everything because she was at a distance, but she could tell that the rest of the Dragon Council was, at first, shocked to see the latecomer, and then most of them refused to believe him to be who he said he was.  The commotion quickly escalated into combat, which is why the jungle-realm was destroyed utterly.  

We told her of our own combat with The Thing.  We told her another thing it was doing that we found odd: It was ripping up Althris’s druidic scrolls.  We were trying to compare the times of the incidents, trying to figure out if they coincided at all, but we quickly realized they took place at completely different times, and, honestly, were most like unrelated.  

At any rate, we told Elianra why we originally had come, but now, we don’t think playing foster mother/master would be such a good idea.  “If you think this is the best place for her, of course, I’ll take her,” Elianra says.  “But my own life is in danger.  Several members of the Dragon Council believe that I lured them into an ambush with the newcomer and have threatened my life.  My own safety is in jeopardy; I cannot guarantee hers.”  

Well, the little girl’s safety is number one priority for Natalia, and honestly, the Wizard of Animals cannot take much more stress.  The decision’s pretty much made for us what to do with the little girl.  Still, I can’t just leave Elianra without extending some kind of help.  “If they’re after you and you’re needing a place to stay,” Natalia says, “I have a tree house.  You’re welcome any time.  And…I have myconids living underneath my tree house.”  

“Thank you,” she says.  “And I would definitely be interested in the myconids.  Do you think you can talk to them, have them look at my realm?  Maybe they can see it, help regrow everything.”  

Natalia agrees.  Elianra gives Iema the scroll to use to call her when we’re ready for her.  

We say goodbye and good luck, head back to Toris.  Now, he’s outside the tent with a man in full plate armor.  That man appears to be a paladin.  There’s also a female fighter decked out in chainmail.  We tell Toris that with him appears to be the best place for her.  But, first, Natalia wakes the little girl up to meet her new family, of sorts.  She’s not going to let the little girl wake up to find herself among strangers, of course.  

At first the little girl is frightened and clings onto Natalia.  The paladin steps forward.  The little girl relaxes.  The paladin holds his arms out.  She scrambles into his arms and holds onto him tightly.  

I feel better about this decision already.  Still, Natalia feels a little glum.  She has gotten attached to the little girl.  “She likes animals,” Natalia offers feebly.  She pauses.  “And she doesn’t have a name.  Are you going to name her?  Just…just so I know who to look for later.  I would like to visit her again.”  

“Of course,” the man says.  He looks at the little girl.  “I’ll call her Keala.”  

“Keala” means “kitten” in Upper Numbraran.  It seems kind of perfect.  Natalia knows the girl will have a good life, probably training as a paladin, with the Gray Phalanx.  Although the girl would have made a damn good druid when she got a little older, too, I think.  

Before we leave, Iema gets the name of the fighter’s husband, who is also a bard.  Then we go to a skiffing game, particularly for Iema and Corin.  Corin especially seems to be really into sports.  Skiffing is a game that is like jousting, but it’s in the water, and people are riding humanoid water creatures rather than mounts.  “You know,” Iema says to Natalia, “you would probably be very good at this game.”  

Natalia wrinkles her nose.  Ugh, sports.  With teammates and all those people?  No, thanks.  Still, we enjoy the game, especially Corin–the Jade Islanders are dominating the game.  It’s the only one where the Fasset team isn’t the force to be reckoned with.  

After the game, we head out to see the shypsies.  They’re out by the sea.  They’re a very dark people, with very dark hair, and the men have styled, greased-up facial hair.  We seek the captain, who has poofy pants and some long gun thing tucked into the waist.  Jim says Natalia’s never seen anything like it before.  (Note: I don’t think guns are too big in Valt.  In fact, I think they’re supposed to be pretty damn rare.)  

Iema shows him the magical ring we got from that giant we saved him from.  It seems so long ago now.  Iema could tell it was shypsie craftmanship, but he couldn’t tell much beyond that.  The captain looks at it and announces that it’s a ring of thieves.  Phil gets excited because, based on Jim’s description, he knows what kind of ring it is.  (I guess it’s a Ring of Mind Shielding?  My noobish state is proven when I failed to see why this was such an exciting find and Phil had to explain it to me.)  The captain invites us to buy from him.  He prices are crazy, but Iema and Natalia pool funds together to get Corin a dagger, a Fog Razor.  Corins’s eyes get big when Iema hands it to him.  

“For me?” he asks incredously.  “Really?”  He tucks the Fog Razor in his boot, puts his crappy, old dagger in his sheath.  Corin may only be 13, but he’s a sharp kid.  Really sharp.  Seriously, I know.  Jim let me see his character sheet, heh.  

We all still want to find out about the The Thing, so we leave the shypsies and head to the admin tent to see if Jovos can make heads or tails of it, based on our description.  First, he just listens to us, our descriptions based on what we remembered.  “That’s impossible,” he says.  He points to a nearby crystal.  “The amount of magic to do what you say would have to be great.  We have that crystal set up to go off if any Master spells are used.  It will zoom in and show whomever is casting it.  It never went off last night.”  

Iema also shows Jovos the disk we had found the The Thing.  Jovos says it’s some sort of chromatic disk and warns us not to use it–it will detonate if we do.  

“Yeah, too late,” Iema mutters.  “We already found that out the hard way.”  

Jovos is still troubled by our encounter with The Thing.  He turns to Natalia.  She feels something flipping through her mind.  “Do you mind?” he asks.  

It occurs to me that Jovos probably can’t do that with Iema, since he has that Ring of Mind Shielding thing.  “Um…okay,” Natalia says.  He flips through her mind faster, as if going through index cards.  Is it really a good idea to have an arch-devil flipping through your brain?  Probably not.  Hmmm.  

Then Jim says, “Spring, what is Natalia’s worst memory?”  

“Uh, do you mean after our game started?  Or something that is in her background?”  I immediately think oh shit oh shit oh shit.  I didn’t put that much thought into Natalia’s background.  

“Either.”  

“I guess when Beta died the first time.  She wasn’t so used to it then.”  

“Okay,” Jim says, “Jovos finds that memory and plucks it out.”  

Just like that, eh?  

Since Jovos can go through everything in Natalia’s mind, he can see all the events that she might have not necessarily remembered.  “This is troubling,” Jovos says.  “Whatever did that would have had to have done it within 6 seconds in order to keep the crystal from going off.  From what I could tell from Natalia’s memory, 20 spells were discharged in a span of 18 seconds in a very small area.”  

Damn, that’s a lot.  We try to think of anything else can show him.  Iema reminds Natalia of the Ioun Stone that we found on The Thing–the one that adds +2 to her Wisdom, the stone that is currently orbiting around her head.  Jovos reaches out to take it, but it bounces away from him.  “May I?” he asks Natalia.  

She plucks it out from the air and hands it over to him.  Jovos explains that Ioun Stones are usually manufactured, but this is a natural one, which occurs only in the Outer Planes, and frequently in the Loom, which is the elemental plan of magic. I thought I heard Phil groaning about this, but don’t ask me what it means.  I’m sure it’s another thing that veteran gamers know.  I’m too dumb to know better and am instead asking why the hell we can’t just go there, haha.  

Jovoes hands the Ioun Stone back to Natalia, who places it near her head and lets go.  The stone immediately begins circling her head again.  We say goodbye to Jovos.  For an arch-devil, he isn’t so bad.  I should be careful, though.  If there’s anything my super-religious Southern Baptist parents taught me, it was that Satan has sneaky ways of SLIPPING INTO YOUR SOUL.  

Of course, my Southern Baptists parents also told me that D&D was Satanic and was the reason so many kids became possessed by demons.  So, obviously, listening to my parents isn’t my strong suit here.  

Jovos suggests for that the armor and dagger looted off the giant, we go to an item identification booth.  He gives us directions to one.  There, we find a very strange elf, whose eyes are half closed and is swaying back and forth.  It’s like…a hippie elf.  Natalia is immediately suspicious (remember her distrust of elves) and hangs back, while Iema wakes him out of his stoned-like state to give him some money to identify the items.  The elf says the dagger is a +1 dagger.  It’s better than what Iema has, so Natalia convinces him to keep it–not that it takes much convincing, heh.  The armor is glamoured, meaning that it can look like regular clothes, which we end up selling later on for 4,000 gold.  

Now, we’re discussing The Thing again.  How else to find out something more about it.  Based on what Jovos has said, it sounds like we have at least narrowed down The Thing’s origin to the Outer Planes.  Finally, Natalia has an idea.  

“Hey,” she says.  “You know the Wizard of Titles?  Well, there seems to be a title for everything, doesn’t there?  Why don’t we check with the Wizard of Titles to see if there is a Wizard of Planes or something?  That wizard could probably tell us if there is anything on the Outer Planes that matches The Thing’s description.”  

Iema agrees.  We go to the Wizard of Titles, who confirms that there is a Wizard of Planes, but the wizard himself isn’t here–just his apprentice.  Still, that will do.  We head off to see the apprentice of the Wizard of Planes, whose name is Orin.  However, Orin can’t give us much information.  Like, at ALL.  Natalia’s disappointed.  Before we leave, though, Orin whispers, “Be careful…someone isn’t who he says he is!  Someone is a devil.”  

“We know who that is!” Iema says to Natalia under his breath, thinking of Jovos.  

After we get some distance from Orin, Corin says, “For a guy who specializes in this stuff, he sure didn’t know much.”  

“I agree,” Natalia says.  “Maybe he’s the one who isn’t who he says he is.” 

So, there is more specalation about The Thing and what could have caused Althris to disintegrate within the 6 second time frame that Jovos said that person would have had to have had.  Natalia suggests–well, I, I guess, because I was really not “in character” when I said this–but I suggested that maybe it wasn’t magical at all.  Maybe it was a machine or scientific, but I’m not sure if that’s even feasible in Valt or even D&D in general.  We got back to Althris’s campsite and throw more checks.  Natalia succeeds pretty well in her’s and makes an interesting discovery:  

The standard druidic spells were merely ripped; the non-standard and unique druidic spells were utterly destroyed.  

Corin remembers something else that he thinks would be helpful.  We had bought and sold with Althris the day he was murdered.  Iema had given him some Shotan coins, which aren’t exactly common around here.  The killers took Althris’s money, so they should have the Shotanese coins on them.  We go back to the admin tent to see if anyone can point us in the right direction to even begin such an investigation.  

Jovos is, again, the one we’re dealing with.  He tells us we don’t need to go any further.  He had just gotten some Shotenase coins that day–from the Fasset team.  

Now I am sorry I didn’t give you the gory details of watching the Fasset team play in Break Ball and Scramble.  First of all, Fasset is supposed to be a bad ass city, full of bad ass people as is.  It’s supposed to be next to impossible to get into the city or attack it.  Secondly, the Fasset team, if I remember right, is the freakin’ prison team.  And we saw them do some pretty nasty things during the games.  They’re impressive–and scary.  

We think of all the spells that had to be cast in Althris’s dwelling.  “Is any of them a spell caster?” Iema asks.  

“The manager,” Jovos says.  “Furthermore, they have paid the shypsies large sums of money for fast passage to Fasset.  I thought it was strange that they still managed to make it here just for a couple of games when half their team died on the trip over.”  

Iema nods.  “Almost like they were here for something else.”  

Jovos continues to tell us that murder at their mage fair does not look good, and he suggests we find whomever did this.  We agree, run off to find Raelan (who, of course, agrees to go with us), and rush off to catch the Fasset team before their boat leaves.  We have to deal with the shypsie captain first, though, who says that the team has specifically stated that they do not want any visitors.  Iema politely offers gold to let us on.  The captain is concerned about damage to his boats.  

Finally, Natalia gets annoyed.  “Look, you do business here, right?”  

“Yes,” the captain says.  “It’s all right.”  

This would work better if business was kickin’, but Natalia keeps going.  “Well, the people heading this fair are very angry about people being killed here.  We think those people are on those boats, and they will not be happy if you let them go.  They might not let you come back if you let those guys get away.  Think of all the future business you’d be losing.”  

“Aaaaaaaaah,” the captain says, wagging his finger at Natalia and grinning, “you speak very clever!”  

Yet he still charges us to get on the boats and makes us promise to pay for any of our damages.  

We get on the boat.  And, yes, we do believe we find the killers.  They’re all wearing eagle feathers, and the bird itself is roasting on a spit.  Jim reminds me that Natalia specifically remembers that Althris’s companion was an eagle.  

OMG.  JERKS.  They have offended my delicate druidic sensibilities. 

And then Jim starts drawing on the battlemap.  Never a good sign.  

At this point in the game, it was getting late, and I was nodding off.  My notes here start getting worse.  I do have this: The Fasset team consists of a brutish-looking woman, a Kuo-toa, a Sahuagin, an Orc, a Hobgoblin, and a human–presumably the spell casting manager.  As soon as they see us, they draw their weapons.  Iema is disappointed, as he was going to try a more, uh, non-violent way to get them off the ship so we wouldn’t have to worry about damaging it, but alas, there is no way these guys are letting us off now.  As soon as they see us, they know the shypsie captain sold them out.  

I don’t have all my notes from the encounter–busy trying to stay awake and all–but I have pieces.  The brutish-looking woman went first, running toward us, jumping down the platform and pulling out a freakin’ warhammer.  The orc tries to jump down from where he’s at, but he’s not so graceful (I believe that would be the nat 1 Jim rolled) and falls.  I cast Greater Magic Fang on Beta (when am I ever going to learn to cast that OUT of combat?) and he charges forward.  The woman hits him, and then the Kuo-toa climbs into the rigging, preparing to jump, I’m assuming.  I’m keeping an eye on him.  

Meanwhile, the human casts Obscuring Mist.  So he is the spell caster.  Iema, concerned for Corin’s safety, puts Haste and Improved Invisibility on Corin.  Jim says that as Beta is chomping on the orc’s leg, Natalia sees blood suddenly spring forth on the orc’s head.  It’s from a knife wound.  Natalia is impressed–apparently, our little Corin has a little bit of rogue potential in him.  

Beta gets knocked out.  He stays out for the duration of the fight.  Raelan turns his attention to the human’s Obscuring Mist.  “Screw this,” he says, “I’m dispelling your penny ante tricks.”  (I’m not so sure if this was so much Raelan saying it as it was Jim, heh.)  He dispels the mist, and then turns his attention to the Kuo-toa, who is bouncing around everywhere.  “Stand STILL,” Raelan says. 

The Kuo-toa hops down a little further to mock Raelan.  “Here I am,” it says.  The Orc, who isn’t far, joins in, punches Raelan in the face.  Iema starts his singing and attacking with rapiers.  (I think Phil said he’s going to take some levels of rogue with his bard.  Or maybe he already has.  Either way, should be interesting.)  Meanwhile, Natalia turns into a brown bear and Raelan unloads Magic Missiles into the Kuo-toa.  It drops down and bashes Raelan in the face three times.  The woman wisely realizes that Natalia-the-brown-bear is going to become a problem, so she turns her attention to the druid and smacks her in the face with the warhammer. 

Which, incidentally, isn’t so bad.  Not as a brown bear.  Note to anyone who is thinking about playing a druid: Once you get Wild Shape, it seriously kicks ass.  Ask Phil.  He said he quite enjoys the brown bear, although I think he secretly wants Natalia to turn into an orca at some point. 

The Orc comes behind Raelan and gets him behind the head.  Natalia attacks and kills (rather easily, I might add)  the Kuo-toa.  This lets Raelan turn his attention to the Orc.  Raelan is SICK of being smacked around.  Before he does anything, though, Iema quickly heals Raelan and throws a Blur on himself.  Raelan casts Stoneskin on himself.  Then Raelan reaches out for the Orc–and combusts him.  Seriously.  Flames were coming out of his eye sockets.  It was a wickedly impressive sight. 

Sometimes, Raelan almost makes Natalia wish she were a wizard.  Almost.  She wouldn’t give Beta up for anything. 

The Sahuagin is a brave one, attacking Raelan after that.  Luckily, Raelan’s Stoneskin spell soaks some of the damage.  We hear the woman screaming during all this, but it’s in a language we don’t understand.  The woman then tries to run past Natalia, but I take the attack of opportunity and not only manage to get a swipe in, but I grapple her as well.  (Kinda hard to compete with the brown bear’s +20 on that!)  She yells again, telling the human spell caster to hijack the ship.  And I’ll give him this: He tries.  He really does.  He runs up to the front, put his hand on the steering wheel thingy, and as soon as he did, we heard a shot. 

The shypsie captain is standing on the shoreline with his gun.  He’ll be damned if anyone hijacks his ship.  I could learn to like that man. 

So now, the human is down.  Iema is still going himself, and he does 10 points of damage to the Hobgoblin.  Raelan turns to the Sahuagin, says something to it in a language that the rest of us don’t understand, and the Sahuagin starts laughing like crazy, losing his turn. 

Then Raelan reaches out to the Hobgoblin with his hand.  But the Hobgoblin had seen what Raelan had done to the Orc.  “Nononono!” he says in horror, scurrying away from that evil hand. 

Natalia doesn’t even get to see this.  She’s still got the woman grapppled.  Natalia gets another bite in before the Hobgoblin attacks her.  Raelan fires Magic Missiles at the woman, finishing her off, then turns the rest of his Magic Missiles on the Hobgoblin.  Iema crits on the Hobgoblin, so he does a lot of damage.  Good thing, because Natalia only gets one measly bite in before rolling a nat 1, failing the rest of her attacks.  At any rate, that’s the end of the Hobgoblin. 

Raelan turns his attention to to the Sahuagin.  He summons something that looks like a lion.  Natalia is surprised.  I didn’t realize that wizards could summon monsters.  Jim says the lion-thing lands on the Sahuagin with “all five pointy ends.”  It does enough damage that all Natalia-the-Bear has to do is step on its head with her massive paw to squish it. 

So now everyone on the boat is dead, and with no damage to the boat to boot!  Unfortunately, we didn’t have time to roleplay going to Jovos about our job well done; it was nearing 12:30 AM, the time when they start towing visitors out of our parking lot, so Phil had to get going.  But we did at least loot.  Not much to loot, though:  Just some personal belongings of Althris and some spells he had on him. 

And that’s all, folks.  Oh, except for one thing: Iema and Natalia made it to level 11.  Barely.

Welcome back to the 15th installment of “Homebrewed,” an on-going series documenting the D&D game that my super-sexy DM (and boyfriend) Jim is running for Phil and me.  Currently, our characters are at the mage fair in the world of Valt, mostly doing the meet-and-greet thing.  Yeah, still.  Natalia is starting to miss her tree house.  However, we have a nasty (and intriguing) surprise encounter at the end of the game.  If you need to catch up on the last “Homebrewed,” catch it here.  Otherwise, read on.

Briezen the 3^rd

You know, I’ve come to realize that I envy my druid’s life.  Well, except for the dying part.  And the part where my beloved pet transforms into a centaur, gallops into the sunset, dumping my other beloved pet and leaving me to pick up the pieces.  That part is not so fun.  However, the part where Natalia starts off her morning waking up in Uliver’s freakin’ PORTABLE MANSION and at a kickass mage fair, to boot…well, it just makes it that much harder to trudge off to work on Mondays to quote benefits and adjust insurance claims, ya know?

But, alas, it is not Monday morning, it’s Friday night, and right now, we’re Iema and Natalia waking up in a portable mansion.  We get up, and Iema, whose memory is infinitely better than mine, immediately tries to find Raelan to find out when his presentations are.  (Meanwhile, I’m all like, “Oh, yeah, Raelan is the whole reason why Natalia’s here.”)  Raelan has already left for the day, so Iema pumps the information out of Uliver, who tells us that Raelan has three presentations at the 7th, 11th, and 2nd bells.  I’m confused exactly how time works until Jim tells me out of character that it’s just 7 AM, 11 AM, and 2 PM. 

Oh.  Somehow, I thought it would be something more original than that.

It’s just after the 7th bell, so Iema and Natalia hurry off to the ampitheater, where Raelan’s presentation is already underway.  We settle down.  The subject Raelan is presenting is very…wizardly.  Iema seems to be catching most of it. Natalia is mostly just dozing in the bleachers, as I imagine she would have done in high school.  The topic is ley lines.  More specifically, ley lines within the body and how intersecting ley lines create sockets.  Raelan talks about how his now deceased master had discovered new ley lines in the ears.  This is all apparently good stuff because it means good things for gear.

There is quiet applause when Raelan finishes.  Everyone gets up, mills around.  We find Uliver there.  Uliver goes over the presentation with us, explaining that the discovery wasn’t a total surprise–it’s something that the community had known was coming, but Raelan’s late mentor is the one who beat everyone to the punch.  He adds that most apprentices would also take credit for their late master’s discoveries, whereas Raelan gave full credit to his.

As we’re getting up to head out, Iema and Natalia decide the best use of our time would be to find out more about Chenestes.  I don’t even know where to start.  Uliver points out it’s a mage fair, full of magic-users–everyone here probably knows something about Chenestes.   The question, really, is where to start.

We decide to start out with the Guild of Scholars, a group of sages, to see what they know about Chenestes.  Before we go, Natalia tells Iema he should probably do the talking.  This wasn’t my way to get Phil do all the heavy-lifting, by the way.  Some wizards aren’t fans of druids, and in Valt, almost nobody is a fan of any of us nature-folk.  Bards, though?  LOVED.  All because they do the pretty songs and stuff.  I feel like Velma to Phil’s Daphne.  Regardless, if we’re gonna be pumping for information, it should be the bard doing it.

Speaking of the beauty and beast syndrome, we see a similiar pair at a tent behind a booth.  Jim describes a man that everyone is gathered around.  He’s very pretty-boy sounding, from the white gold-trimmed armor to the long locks that, Jim says, are ”fluttering in the breeze that may or may not actually be there.”  He sounds like Fabio.  Unsurprisingly, he’s a paladin.  Not far away, though, is a woman who is being ignored.  We make a bee-line for the woman.

The woman, whose name is Shariel, agrees with us to trade information for information.  She gives us some background:  Chenestes was a mage kingdom that existed before the Godstorms, a city where all branches of magic were considered to be equal.  Nobody’s been able to detemine its location, but there’s circumstantial evidance that it was everywhere.  This is because they had portals everywhere that all linked to Chenestes.  They also had many portals that opened into different planes, often in temples.

Out of character, Jim says to me, “Sound familiar, Spring?” 

Yes, yes, it does.  The one to the astral plane, the other to the fire plane.  The portals with the funny writing, the funny glow, at least one located in a temple–and that portal, thankfully, hidden by Raelan with tree brush.

Jim-as-Shariel continues with the background.  After the outbreak of the Godstorms, Shariel explains, communications broke down between many cities.  Bards were helpful filling in that role; hence, why bards are so loved in Valt.  However, the connection to Chenestes was lost, and only some written records survived the Godstorms partially.  No digs have turned up any Chenestik archeology.  Still, everyknow “knows” that Chenestes existed.  They also know it had contact with an emperor of Numbrar, but there have been four different emperors by that name.

Now, it’s our turn.  Shariel grills us about news on Derrikol.  I find it especially odd that she asks Natalia whether or not there is any Numbraran nobles in either Stilldale or Devies.  Natalia admits that Julium is in Stilldale. 

Shariel gives Natalia a stern look.  “Julium Caesus Numbra?”

I’m not surprised she knows his name.  Doesn’t everyone?  “Um…yeah,” Natalia says.

She nods.  “He led an attack on Numbrar,” she says.  “He’s wanted.” 

Something to note:  Central and Upper Numbrar both consider themselves the main “Numbrar.”  But the woman is actually from Upper Numbrar.  Wisely, Natalia doesn’t go into details about her friendship with Julium.  At first, she frets a bit about revealing Julium’s location if he’s wanted, but let’s face it–if they didn’t know already, they would find out, anyway.  Julium’s plans to take over and unite an empire aren’t going to exactly make him unnoticed.

The woman’s knowledge about Derrikol is sketchy.  She knows that the forest is between civilization and something very evil.  That makes sense–Natalia remembers Gudger (remember the foul-talking ranger with the crocodile named Boots?) telling her scary things were being run into the forest by even scarier things in the Wasted Lands.  Natalia tells Shariel about the dread guards, the undead constructs with Chenestik writing in their armor, being in the forest.  Turns out they’ve been found in other areas as well. 

Somehow, in all the twisting conversation, Shariel has managed to get Natalia to admit to at least one portal that has been since destroyed (the astral one).  Natalia also admits to killing a gnome wizard who was pulling things out from the fire plane, but she stops short of telling her anything about the portal or its location.  She figures Raelan hid it for a reason, and quite frankly, while Shariel seems nice enough, Natalia doesn’t fully trust her yet.  Still, Shariel can tell Natalia isn’t telling her the full story.  Finally, Natalia refers Shariel to Raelan for more information.  Raelan is better at handling this stuff.

Eventually, the conversation turns to politics, who is at war with whom.  Iema and Shariel talk while Natalia tunes this stuff out.  I simply cannot roleplay Natalia as being interested in politics when I have zero interest in it myself.

Finally, it’s half past the 10th bell, so Iema and Natalia say goodbye to Shariel to go see Raelan’s second presentation.  This is the presentation that Raelan had asked Natalia for her help on.  He meets us outside.

“Natalia, I need you to prep any direct energy attacks you have,” Raelan says.  He turns to Iema.  “Hey, you don’t have direct energy attacks, do you, man?”

It turns out that while Iema can play a mean fiddle, he cannot CALL LIGHTNING, FOO’!  Which, incidentally, this foo’ preps, along with Produce Flame, at my tiny dragon skull clasp’s prompting.  Iema resigns himself to a seat, getting ready to enjoy an original Wizard of Vengeance production.

And the production, admittedly, is pretty cool.  Raelan presents his invention, the guantlet of reflection.  It just looks like a glove to me.  He goes into the construction of it, what it’s made of, yadda, yadda, yadda, and finally, the good part–Natalia gets to hurl flames at him.

At his go, Natalia does Produce Flame and throws fire at him, which he neatly catches in the gloved hand with no harm done to him.  He explains how it works to the audience.  (This part, I don’t remember too well; I think depending on the time you keep the spell in your hand, you can either have it dissipate or you can redirect it entirely.)  Then the big spell: Call Lightning–which he catches again in his hand with no harm done to him.

His presentation gets a pretty good response.  After it’s over, everyone gets up and does the chatting together thing, much like after any other performance.  Raelan comes over to us, we tell him about Shariel, and he suggests that we seek out someone named Harsam.  Raelan had sent Harsam one of the Chenestik coins under the pseudonym of Wyrmling.

Iema and Natalia agree to go do that–after we catch a Scramble game.  We do that, it’s all fun–Corin was impressed by the Jade Islander team–and then we head back for Raelan’s third and biggest presentation yet.

If you’re getting the impression that it’s all about Raelan right about now, I’m inclined to agree.  But it’s a mage fair, so it seems to make sense.  It’s also cool to see what Raelan’s been doing in his spare time.  Because he’s always doing something in his spare time.

Raelan appears on stage.  Everyone sits down.  “Today, I’m going to present a new spell,” Raelan tells the audience.  “But first, I would like to ask you this: How many of you were brought into this profession by means of the Children’s Auction?”

Hands go up.  Quite a few, actually.  That seems to be a popular way to gain entry as a wizard’s apprentice.

“How many of you were brought there because you lost your parents, or your mother died in childbirth?”

More hands go up.  I guess pregnancy is dangerous for women in this time.  Remind Natalia to keep her legs crossed.

Iema leans over to Natalia.  “Hey,” he whispers, “did Raelan’s mother die giving birth to him?”  I had to ask Jim if Natalia knows anything about this because I certainly don’t remember this ever coming up.  Jim insists that it had and Natalia does know this information.

So Natalia says yes.  They continue listening to the presentation.

Raelan goes on about how horrible it is knowing that your birth is the one that killed your mother, and how he has come up with something to help circumvent this scenerio in the future.  I remember the scroll of Reincarnation that Raelan had asked from Natalia quite a while ago.  “Oh,” I start muttering to myself, “I know what this is.  I know what spell he’s presenting.”

 ”Thanks in part to Uliver, the Wizard of Portals,” Raelan is saying, “and Natalia the Stillwitch”–I cringe (DRUIDS AND WITCHES ARE NOT THE SAME THING, ARGH!)–”I present Vanoshi’s Timely Salvation spell.”

Two women in simple garb and cloaked with hoods to disguise their faces come out.  One is very obviously pregnant; the other is not.  Raelan explains that the pregnant woman wishes to terminate her pregnancy; the other woman is barren and wants a child.  They have agreed to the spell, which Jim describes in great, dramatic detail (and which I failed to take notes on and have forgotten the details since, so you suffer the consequence), and the pregnant woman’s belly shrinks while the other one grows.

For this presentation, Raelan gets a standing ovation.  After the presentation, the women go off their seperate ways.  Raelan is beaming, happy with his new spell and how it was received.  He decides it’s time to enjoy the mage fair–by hitting the nearest bar to meet some chicks.  Iema and Natalia follow suit, but in a different bar where we can hunt down one of the players from the Jade Islander Scramble team that Corin wants to meet.  We take the kids (yes, Natalia still has Nameless Girl with her–like Natalia, the little girl doesn’t talk much) to a bar. 

That’s how you know something is a work of fiction, by the way–you take kids in the bar, and the 12 year old orders the drinks.  (Well, it’s either fiction or somewhere that is not America.)  Corin at least did get fruit juice for the girl.  After they got a little food and drink in their system, Iema and Corin try playing a little fiddle for the crowd.  Phil doesn’t roll too well, though, and Jim’s assist as Corin is a 1, so the outcome is that Iema and Corin are laughed off the stage.

Finally, we go to see Harsam.  We find a guy dressed in a turban and with what sounds like a heavy, stereotypical Indian accent.  He has a hookah in front of him.  “Hullo!” he greets us in his too-thick accent.  He sweeps his arm up in a dramatic wave.  “And how can I help you?”

Iema says, “We came to see you.  We’re friends of Wyrmling.”

Harsam’s ears perk up.  “Wyrmling?” he repeats.  “Let me close the tent up so we can talk.”  And, not shocking to me as I detected BS with the accent, as soon as the tent’s closed, Harsam drops the fake-Indian accent.

“An act, huh?” Iema says, waving to all the props.  “And a hookah?”

Harsam looks at the hookah disdainfully.  “I don’t even smoke.”

And then we start our talking about Chenestik stuff.  Harsam says he knows of the Chenestik buildup in Derrikol Forest, and that Cadram is keeping the flow of information between guilds at a minimum.  There are three sites in the mountains.  He does know about the astral portal, but Natalia’s telling him of the fire portal is the first time he’s ever heard of it. 

“There are more that survived than I realized,” he says, scratching his chin.

We talk about more happenings the Derrikol region.  He describes the mountains as being “red with blood” because of an adventuring group going after giants there.  Natalia realizes that he’s referring to Reneat’s group.  Among other gossip, Harsam tells us that while we’ve been gone, there’s been some big action in our neck of the woods: Julium has attacked Devies and declared himself the rightful heir to central Numbrar.  Nobody is stupid, though.  We all know Julium isn’t going to stop with just central Numbrar, and that he’ll eventually turn his sights south.  And although Harsam is from Cadram, which has a holy war against Numbrar in general, their real problem is with Lower Numbrar, so yes, he’s rooting for Julium.  For now.

Meanwhile, Harsam suggests we go talk to the Wizard of Animals.  He thinks Natalia specifically will be interested in her philosophies regarding Chenestes.  We bid farewell to Harsam, he goes back to his fake hookah and turban, and we wander out to find the Wizard of Animals.

Iema graciously pays for our entrance fee once we get there.  We step into the portal and into the jungle again.  Elianra, the Wizard of Animals, quickly spots us and comes over to welcome us, remembeing that we had left an old gorilla in her care.

We don’t beat around the bush, telling her quickly that we had been advised to seek her out regarding her philosophy on Chenestes.  Elianra gets excited.  “Yes,” she says.  “See, I believe that the Chenestines believed that the world was not orginally evil.”  (Note: Not sure if I ever mentioned it, but the actual world of Valt is inclined toward evil, including nature, which is why townspeople tend not to like druids, rangers, or barbarians.)  “I believe they believed it was neutral.  Furthermore, I think the Chenestines knew what caused it–what made Valt evil.”

This does perk Natalia’s interest–and mine.  Often, I’ve mentioned to Jim that it didn’t make sense to me that nature was evil in this world.  Even if Natalia is neutral-good, she recognizes that nature is inherently neutral.  Well, it’s supposed to be.  And it’s often bugged me that this isn’t the case for Valt.

Elianra tells us that she believes that Chenestes had an idea how to reverse this.  The problem is that, in everything she’s read, it hinges on a word that nobody has been able to translate.  She thinks that’s it’s something that was so pervasive in the Chenestik world that, in their texts (what survived of it), nobody bothered to explain what ”it” was.  She suggests we investigate for the Tam-wu scrolls.  Tam-wu was a monestary located in Shoten and a sister-organization to Chenestes.  Their scrolls were being written during the actual fall of Chenestes.

Somehow, I think if it was that easy to find these scrolls, someone would have already done so by now.

Another alternative:  She’s been trying to get ahold of a dragon by the name of Lastromexanuissidy (pronounced LASS-tro-MEX-an-NOOSE-ity).  This dragon suffers from a form of insanity where he places an abnormal amount of value of things that are not necessarily valuable.  However, he does boast the biggest library in the world.  He will probably kill us if we approach him, though, unless we give him something that he considers valuable. 

And then she mentions that the Dragon Council is being held in her little jungle-realm.  Um.  Yeah.  We’re out of there fast.

So, now we go off to find that druid Althris we met before from the Palm Circle, the one that’s trying to help other druids out of Fasset.  It’s night time now, but we go to his booth because we know that he’s also camping there.

It’s dark, very dark.  Jim says we see green and orange lights ahead. 

“Uh oh,” Iema says.  He turns to Corin.  “Corin, you and the girl need to go.”  He casts some invisibility spell on Corin.  “Sorry, I only have enough for one,” Iema says.

The little girl is lifted into the air by an invisible Corin, hear his footsteps as he scurries off with the little girl to hide in some nearby bushes.

Iema and Natalia go to the campsite to investigate.  We hear a ripping sound, see purple light, and see a figure cloaked in a long, navy blue robes.

It turns around, spotting us.  It makes clicking-croaking sounds, and looks like it’s starting to cast some spells.  We roll spellcraft checks.  Between Natalia and Iema, we’ve determined he’s used blur (okay), haste (eh, not too bad)–and protection from good.

HMMM.  Yeah, we’re straight into combat.

Natalia turns into a bear.  Unfortunately, I have developed a really bad habit of never putting Greater Magic Fang on Beta, so when he attacks, he’s pretty lame right now.  (But give him a break.  He’s still heartbroken over Tango, after all.)  Iema, ever quick-thinking, casts haste on us, but then he has to do a reflex save against whatever The Thing is doing.  I guess he didn’t do too good because he feels himself choking.  Makes it very hard for a bard to do much, ya know.

The Thing also does something to reduce my strength.  Unfortunately for him, I’m a bear right now, so even weakened, I’m still all B.A.  The Thing then touches the ground, creating some illusion that changes what it looks like around us, making the scenery look hellish and frightening.  He also manages to dispel Iema’s Haste.  Beta attacks, crits, but despite that bout of luck, cannot manage to trip Thing.  Thing whirls around on Beta and blinds him.

Natalia thankfully has Wild Spell, which allows her to cast while shape-shifted.  Using this, she summons a dire lion.  It immediately jumps into the fray, getting a claw, bite, and rake into Thing.  There’s a LOT of scuffling going on, but finally, between Beta, Bear-Natalia, and the dire lion–with help of Iema’s songs–Jim says Bear-Natalia pops Thing’s head off “like a grape.”

Ew, I didn’t need the description.

We tear Thing apart.  For a moment, Beta and the dire lion look like they’re going to fight for pieces of Thing.  Jim reminds me that Beta has that need to bury the dead, so I dismiss the dire lion and let Beta do his thing.  Might as well–there’s no hope of identifying what this thing was with these itty-bitty pieces, anyway.

Iema searches for Althris.  He finally finds the druid’s boots with a little bit of legs.  Jim says there’s sorceror sand (?) around the area, a ton of it.  I don’t even know what that is, and I doubt Natalia would either.  The only thing I got from his explanation is that a lot of magic had been expended in this area.  And, also, there isn’t enough of Althris’s body left to reincarnate. 

I’m depressed by this.  There are only a handful of other druids I like, and Althris was one of them. 

Natalia changes back into human form and finds that she’s choking on something.  She pulls the object out of her mouth.  It’s a blue marble that Iema identifies as an ioun stone, but he’s not sure what it does.

We call the kids back.  Iema makes Corin visible again–and sees that he’s carrying a fancy, jewel-encrusted axe.

Iema looks at him in disbelief.  “Corin,” he says, “where did you get that axe?”

“Well,” Corin says, “you were in trouble.  And I was invisible, sooo…”

“We have to find the owner,” Iema says.  “We have to return it.”

“No need,” we hear someone behind us say.  We turn around to see a wizard standing nearby–the owner of the giant axe.  Who would have thought that wizards carried axes?  Luckily, the wizard isn’t too much of a douche about it, and he even identifies the ioun stone as being one that enhances wisdom for us.  He does say, though, that we’re lucky the kid didn’t use the axe–he has it rigged so it would strike anyone else using it with a bolt of lightning.

(This, if I recalled correctly, was filed under Iema’s lesson to Corin about “why we don’t steal things from powerful wizards.”  Corin’s gonna start peeing his pants when he meets a wizard, if these lessons keep up.)

Iema keeps searching the site.  Eventually, he manages to find two hands.  Correction: Two left hands. He realizes that Thing had anywhere from 4-8 hands.  The hands appear human.

Like this isn’t getting weirder by the minute.  The only things we find around the area are some pamphlets about Fasset.  We give up, head back to Uliver’s.

When we get there, Raelan is still gone.  “Where is he?” we ask Uliver.

Uliver frowns.  “He left with a woman named Shariel.  She says that you sent her to him?”

Iema, who didn’t seem as skittish as Natalia did about Shariel, suddenly grows concerned.  “You know,” he says, “she seemed nice, but I really want to check it out and make sure he’s okay.” 

We hurry out.  And we find Raelan.  And Shariel.  Dancing. 

Yeah, he’s fine.  We go home.  Behind us, we can hear Raelan, drunk, bragging, “…and then I told that dragon, TAKE THIS, and unloaded some Magic Missiles into him!”

This is where we called game.  Phil went home; Jim and I talked.  One thing that Jim said later, after the game, that bugs me:  “Spring, didn’t you notice that The Thing never actually attacked you?  It only used defensive type of spells.”

Uh oh.  Now I’m wondering what we did–what we killed.

Okay, brace yourself for a heifer of a “Homebrewed,” an ongoing series documenting the D&D game between Jim, myself—and now Phil!  Not only will this be a long post documenting mostly meet-and-greets, but I’m not sure how accurate it will be.  Phil and Jim roleplay so fast, that I know that I missed some stuff, so I’m hoping Jim or Phil will catch my mistakes and add them in the comments.  Be forewarned, there will probably be a lot of errors, since I’m putting this up with little to no editing, just for the sake of getting this up before the next game.  I’ll fix stuff later.  Forgot what happened in our last game?  You can refresh your memory on our teeny-tiny last game here.

First of all, I would like to tell you that you should feel loved.  I worked all day, talked to some nasty people, came home to nearly cause a fire in our apartment, spent 45 minutes on hold with Blizzard to reclaim my hacked Warcraft account while juggling cooking myself dinner, and am now scanning my laptop with Warcraft open, per Blizzard’s suggestion, to make sure there’s no keylogger software on it.  Apparently, some of keyloggers cannot be detected by anti-virus software unless Warcraft is actually open.

My point is that I’ve had one hell of day, yet I’m still making time in my crappy little day to write up another “Homebrewed.”  So feel loved.  Or hated.  Depends how you feel about these entries.

I’d say I care, but that’s a lie.  So let’s skip the politeness fluff and get to the meat, yes?

Bracell the 30^th

While Phil puts the finishing touches on his character sheet—and, by the way, he’s way faster than I am, but I guess that goes without saying—Jim and I get started with Natalia going to Raelan’s.  Raelan immediately says he’s got something for her.  Natalia and I are getting to where we love going to Raelan’s.  He always has good stuff for us.  Er, her.  Yeah.

She follows him downstairs.  There are five objects on a pedestal, covered by a black cloth.  Raelan takes out one of the objects and hands it to her.  It’s a tiny dragon skull cloak clasp.  Raelan explains he’s made one for everyone in our regular party.  Which, sadly, doesn’t include Phil yet, as his character hasn’t been “introduced” yet.  Too bad.  The clasp is cool.  It’ll allow us to sent messages up to 25 words once a day, and it will “suggest” spells that we should take when preparing our spell list.

Which is a nice, in-game way of letting the DM look at your spell list and make suggestions, based on what he knows is going to happen in the game.  Sweet.  Because I always seem to pick the wrong stuff.

But WOOT.  Right now, we’re heading to the mage fair.  On our way there, Raelan and Natalia barely get out of town when a cut ogre steps out from behind a boulder.  There’s no sizing each other up here.  The bastard just charges.

Raelan immediately says, “Oh, shit,” and casts a spell on himself.  The ogre zeroes in on Natalia, though.  He manages to jump over her shield and stab her. 

Before the game, Phil had mentioned how turning into a bear would be cool, and since I always like to experiment with different forms and spells, I decided to try it out to see what it could do.  So Natalia transforms.  Destination: BROWN BEAR.  EAT ME, OGRE MOFO.

Oh, except that just transforming pretty much took my turn.  Well, you can eat me later.

Meanwhile, Beta and Tango attack, but the ogre shakes them off.  It’s becoming painfully obvious to me that Beta and Tango just aren’t doing what they used to do.  Meanwhile, Raelan runs up to the ogre and does something to it.  Don’t ask me what.  I’ve no clue.  Jim says that Natalia’s not sure, but she sees some spray of acid and something else shooting from the ogre.  Raelan did something painful, that’s for sure, but the ogre also hurt him right back.  Leave it to a pissed ogre to do that.

Finally, I get to attack as a bear, and between what Raelan did and Natalia’s super-awesome bearness, we bring the ogre down.  After the fight, we have serious healing to do.  Already.  This doesn’t bode well.  The loot is nice, though: 900 gold, suit of magical spiked plate mail, a potion, a magical ring, and a magical dagger.

We keep on truckin’.  After a couple of encounter rolls, I hit one.  Jim says I hear laughing.

I wish I could describe the laughing.  When Jim imitates it, I always know what kind of monster is ahead.  They go ooooo-huh-huh-huh-huh.  Try it.  Do it out loud.  Make sure you sound retarded.  Then you got it down.

“Damn it, they’re hill giants, aren’t they?” I groaned.

Close.  “Stone giants,” Jim says.  Apparently, being retarded runs in the family.  Maybe the two giants are inbred cousins.

“Can’t we just pretend we don’t see them and go the other way?”

“Fine,” Jim says cheerfully.  He turns to Phil.  “Phil, your character is eaten by stone giants and dies.”

“Oh, no!” Phil laughs.

“Fine, fine, fine,” I grumble.  “Natalia will go check it out.”

We get closer.  We see two stone giants (naturally).  I don’t know what Jim says they were doing or why they were laughing, but I think it’s safe to assume that they were being retarded.  And, also, not kosher: Behind them is an iron pot with a man (Phil’s character)—a bard, by the looks of it, and an arcling to boot—lying unconscious in it, with a fire going on underneath it.  Pretty clear what the giants’ plans are.

Attack!  Natalia turns into a bear again.  I’m not sure why I even bother going back to being human except to talk and make rude comments.  Beta and Tango try attacking the giants and miss.  The giants attack Raelan, he loses something like half his hit points in damage, and he throws a fire spell.  Between the spells and blasts going around, fire hits the cauldron and wakes the man up.  The man scrambles out of the pot, muttering hot, hot, hot.  When he gets out, he starts to heal himself.

Jim has Phil describe his character now, so we have an idea what he looks like.  Luckily for Phil, the ogres weren’t very thorough in their cooking preparation—he still has his clothes on.   And I wish I could tell you what he was wearing, but I don’t remember.  I think there was a hat involved.  And he looks Asian and is decent-looking.  Not that Natalia cares, mind you–Natalia is kind of dumb about noticing men.

(Just a note:  This has even been discussed once, long ago.  Jim once asked me how I would feel about romance between Natalia and any of the other characters, and I said no way.  I find it a little weird and I wouldn’t feel comfortable role-playing it.  Besides, Natalia just doesn’t strike me as the type to be interested in, well…anyone.  She was going to be a nun once, remember?)

Back to the story:  More scuffling ensues.  Even in my bear form, which temporarily increases my hit points, I’m getting low.  Seeing us struggle, the bard then starts reciting a poem about speed and grace, casting a haste spell on Natalia.

Sweet.

Even so, this is where it gets ugly.  My poor wolves, I’m afraid, are starting to get in over their heads compared to the uglies Natalia has been fighting lately.  Beta survives, but Tango is killed in the battle.  I’m not as concerned when Tango dies, though, as I was with Beta.  After all, I’ve reincarnated one wolf before with little consequence (save his need to bury the dead), and I actually had Reincarnation on my spell list.  I’d just reincarnate Tango, right?

Right?  Hmmm…

Raelan decides to use the giants’ stupidity against them.  Or maybe it’s not stupidity but just boy-humor.  Because he whistles at them, gets their attention—and then farts.

They start laughing.  And laughing.  They can’t stop.

Natalia jumps in.  Thanks to the bard’s haste spell, she manages to get a bite in and kill the giant.   The bard approaches us and introduces himself as Iema.  He was taking a short cut to the mage fair, he explains, but he got caught in a trap.  Next thing he knew, he was waking up, cooking in a pot, and seeing us fight not too far away.

At least he had his clothes on.

Natalia starts healing everyone up again.  Iema looks around for loot.  He checks out a nearby cave.  “Uh, guys?  There’s a ton of gold in here,” he calls out.

Sounds good.  Natalia and I, though, are focused on trying to reincarnate Tango.  “She could turn into something else besides a wolf,” Natalia tells Raelan.

Raelan says, “No worries, I can polymorph her back.”

“All right,” Natalia says, and she casts Reincarnation.

I roll to see what Tango will come back with.  Jim looks at the table in his book.  He doesn’t say anything for a minute.  Then he turns to me.  “You see Tango’s body start to change.  Her trunk stretches out, her face shrinks in.  Her paws turn into hooves and she grows a horse tail.  She’s a centaur.  She looks at you and says, ‘Hello.’”

“Hello?”

“Thank you for resurrecting me,” Jim/Tango says. 

“Sure thing.  Wanna be a wolf again?”  I’m ready to go back to the way things were.

“No,” she says.

Huh?  No?  This, I hadn’t been expecting, so I just repeated her stupidly.  “No?  What do you mean?”

Tango says, “I want to stay a centaur.  I can think now.  I like being able to think.”

“But what about Beta?” I ask.

Tango casts a sidelong glace at him and shrugs.  “He’s a wolf.  He’ll get over it.”

It’s almost painful to see how dismissive she is toward Beta now.  Poor Beta.  Poor me.  It was nice running with Tango, but I can’t change her back if she doesn’t want to be changed.  That would be cruel.  “Well, if you want to stay a centaur, I can’t argue.  Do you…need anything?”  Natalia asks.  “Money?  Anything?”

She wants a weapon, she says.  She grabs one of the giant’s clubs, stating that it will do.  She also wants to be with others like herself.  Luckily, Iema knows where some centaurs are located, knows that they are semi-welcoming of newcomers.  He points her to the right direction.

And then she’s gone.

“Sorry about your wolf,” Iema says.

What a way to start off meeting someone.

We keep on going, Raelan, Iema, me, and my one lonely-looking Beta.  We get another encounter.  Jim says that where we’re going, the road is getting rockier.  An orc dressed in rags steps out and demands money.  Iema wants to bluff and give him a little bit, claiming that’s all we have on us, but I just flat-out refuse.  I’m not in the mood to negotiate with assholes.

It’s not too tough to kill the orc.  Know what was tough to kill?  His gray render that had apparently been hiding out.  It launches out at Beta, who was the one who dealt the killing blow to the orc, and kills Beta swiftly.  Then the gray render picks up the orc’s body and lumbers off.  Once he had killed the one that had killed his orc, he was done.  He wasn’t after us.

Remind me to find a way to get a gray render.  They’re nasty enemies but would be great to have on your side.

Night is falling and I don’t have any more Reincarnations.  I’ll have to wait until morning.  Now, I’m starting to see the drawbacks to Reincarnation.  Now, I’m not so eager to use it.

Briezen the 1^st

During the night between Bracell the 30th and Briezen the 1st, Iema and Natalia take turns keeping watch.  The last couple rolls is Phil’s, though, so it’s on his watch when we get an encounter.  But it’s not so bad.  In fact, it proves…interesting.

Iema is sitting by the fire, plucking at his mandolin softly so as not to wake Raelan and Natalia up, when he sees two people walking in our general direction.  It’s a man and a woman.  They’re dressed in typical Nubraran servant and elite garb, respectively.  The woman waves at Iema.

Phil roleplays Iema much friendlier than I roleplay Natalia.  Natalia would be ready to bite that woman’s hand off.  Iema, however, waves back.  No wonder why everyone likes him better.

(Jim also says in Valt, the world we’re in, druids are generally disliked and bards are revered.  So we make an interesting pairing.)

The couples come over.  Iema offers them food, a seat.  They decline, ask what’s new.  Iema tells them we’re heading to the mage fair.  The woman introduces herself as Harat, and, being a bard, Iema knows a little bit about a lot of things–including that name.  Although the significance of it is as lost to Spring-the-player as it would be to Natalia-the-druid.

Harat and the man start gossiping with the bard, which, I’m coming to learn, bards love best, after performing.  Or maybe that’s just Iema; he is, after all, the first bard I’ve ever heard of.  Unless you want to count that bardic Azer with the horn.  I do not.

But I digress.  If Natalia was awake, she would probably be concerned about the gossip:  Apparently, the couple tells Iema, a wizard in the Numbraran capital was tried for treason.  The wizard, desperate to find anything to help him get out of his sentence, admits knowing someone who knows and is concealing the true location of Chenestes.  The wizard had received a Chenestik coin from an unknown wizard, but when they tortured the wizard, he couldn’t tell him who the other wizard was who had sent him the coin.  The sender had sent the coin under his now deceased master’s name.

Sound familiar?  (Hint:  Julium and Natalia had found the coins and brought them to Raelan.)

Phil knows all this, but his character doesn’t.  “Oh, really?” Iema asks, interested.  He tries to get as much information out of them as he can before they leave.  Before they go, he points them in the right direction.  Apparently, Iema is a walking roadmap.

We wake up.  Iema tells us about the company and the gossip.  Raelan, understandably, freaks out.  He makes sure that Iema didn’t get an impression that either one of them were druids.

Iema frowns.  “I didn’t get the druid vibe from them.  For one, they were nicely dressed.  No offense,” he quickly adds, remembering Natalia.

“None taken,” she says.  Total offense taken.  Die, Bard!  (Kidding, Phil.)

Iema turns back to Raelan.  “Why?”

And Raelan confesses that he’s the one who had sent the coins.  He wants to make sure that neither one of the couple are druids since druids are the only ones who can find his place. 

I can’t imagine why anyone would torture anyone just to find Chenestes, but my interest in it is short-lived.  My priority at the moment is Beta.  I get my spells ready.  Jim says the dragon skull clasp is trying to change one of my spells (I forget which) into Speak with Animals.  I realize the wisdom in this and take the clasp’s advice.  And then we’re ready.  Natalia casts Reincarnation on Beta and hopes for the best.

He comes back as a leopard.  She casts Speak with Animal.

“Beta,” she says, “do you want to be a leopard?  Or do you want to be a wolf again?”

“Wolf,” he says.

“Okay,” Natalia says, relieved.  She pauses, reluctant to give up the ability to speak with Beta.  How often does she get to talk to her wolf, to make sure he’s happy?  “Beta…is there anything else you need?  Anything else you want?”

Beta looks straight at Natalia.  “Tango,” he says somberly.

AWWWW.  Natalia can’t do a damn thing about that!  She tries feebly to explain that Tango wanted to leave, but Beta looks forlorn.  Finally, she asks Raelan to turn Beta back to a wolf.  She can’t listen to him anymore.  She feels bad enough as it is.

We need to keep moving if we’re ever going to get to the mage fair.  Then he does something interesting: Raelan summons phantom steeds.  I’ve never heard of such a thing, but it must be cool because Phil/Iema seemed excited.  Then Jim realizes that Beta won’t be able to keep up with the steeds, so he has Raelan temporarily change Beta into a rat, so Natalia can scoop him up and put her in her pocket.

We ride a ways.  We’re getting to areas that Natalia has never been in.  Jim says that we come over a hill and see ahead of us a flat area with a huge city.  The river empties out into an ocean.  “That’s Derrikol,” Raelan says.  “Now that is a city.”

A little ways ahead, we start seeing signs of the mage fair.  A shrub nearby us sprouts into a human man.  “Okay,” he says.  “Let’s see it.”

Natalia shoots Iema a quizzical look, and Iema quietly explains that they have to show proof that they’re users of arcane magic in order to enter the fair.  Which, of course, makes Natalia a little nervous, since she is not an arcane magic user.

Raelan goes first.  He spins his wand around (show-off), slams it into the ground, and a sigil forms on the ground.  It sounds very Sailor Moonish to me.  You know, like in her transformation scenes?  All he’s missing is the tiara and the too-short skirts.

The shrub guy looks bored.  He turns to Iema.  “And you?”

I forgot to mention that Iema’s arcling “trait,” by the way, is that his eyes change color to match his mood.  In this case, though, he makes his ears change color.  I thought that was funny.

The man’s attention turns to Natalia.  “And you?”

Before Natalia can say anything–which is good because Natalia never seems to say the right thing–Iema quickly claims her as his guest.  Shrub guy lets us past.  Iema explains to Natalia that they’re allowed to bring one guest, and since he’s a bard and in good standing with most people, he figured it would be better for him to claim Natalia as his guest than Raelan.

We go past the entrance, and Raelan transforms Beta back to his wolf-self.  Next, Raelan tells Iema and Natalia that he has a secret meeting with people that would not feel comfortable with druids, so Iema offers to show Natalia around, since she’s never been to a mage fair before.  Before we all part, however, Raelan asks us to deliver some sacks via Natalia’s portable hole to some Grimlocks.  He emphasizes that he doesn’t want anyone to see us with these sacks.

Ummm…okay?

We go separate ways.  Natalia and Iema push past people.  It’s overwhelming.   Jim says that we go past booths hocking everything that any magic-user would need: quills, inks, magical items, parts, etc.  Iema looks for a booth that everyone else is shying away from.  Finally, he sees what he’s looking for:  A booth with a tent to keep it dark.  We go instead.  Iema casts light on a piece of copper and goes toward the Grimlock instead.

I’m surprised what this blind guy can make out.  We give him Raelan’s sacks.  He pulls out various items:  Dragon bits, ribs from the medela, a Chenestik coin.  He knows what all the items are and seems pleased.  Then he looks up, sniffing.  “I smell a druid in here.”

Yeah, like that’s not creepy.  “Yeah…sorry about that,” I say.  “No deodorant and all.”

We hurry out and go looking for another animal companion for Natalia.  We find a man selling exotic animals, including a gorilla.  Jim has me roll an animal empathy check; he says Natalia knows that the gorilla is old.  I’m not sure about buying him until Phil repeats something Jim/the vendor said that I didn’t catch: If the man doesn’t sell the gorilla, he’s going to sell him for parts.

Well, that cleared that up.  Iema helps Natalia haggle the price–good thing he’s there, as both Natalia and I are horrible at price-haggling–I buy the gorilla, cast Animal Friendship, and now have an old gorilla, along with Beta. 

Not that anyone here thinks this is odd, as most of them do have funny animals with them.

Iema tries giving Natalia more pointers while at the fair.  For one, show respect to anyone with a staff.  They’ve earned that staff, he says, and they can be a bit sensitive about anyone not showing them the proper respect.

Leave it to men to get all sensitive about their staves.

Suddenly, someone booms, “Maybe she should not be here at all!”

At first, Natalia thinks it’s someone else who doesn’t like druids.  She’s getting used to that.  Turns out it’s just someone with a sense of humor.  That, she’s not so used to.

The joker’s name is Atraxis, another arcling with blue skin, and he and Iema immediately start gossiping.  Most of this goes in one ear and out the other with Natalia, who isn’t interested much in gossip.  She catches that he’s the Wizard of Lightning and sells him her Creeping Cold scroll, but she ignores most of the gossip.  This is more Iema’s element than hers.

Her ears perk up, though, when she hears Atraxis say that he has heard that there’s a secret Dragon Council meeting going on there as well.  Natalia remembers meeting the green dragon, Vaectorfinyairuxo.  He’s on the Dragon Council.  Natalia has the urge to run away.

“If they’re here, then I don’t want to be,” Natalia says.  She explains that she has met Vector before and wants to be nowhere near him.

She’s assured that she doesn’t have to worry right now.  Iema is getting crazy-curious about the Dragon Council meeting, his excitement reflected by his eyes changing to a bright, bright green.  That is until Atraxis mentions that Allitillisinuros will be there as well.  Then Iema thinks twice.  Allitillisinuros is a great gold wyrm dragon who takes lawful good to some nasty extremes.  He’ll eat you just for telling a little, white lie.

So, yeah, Iema decides against trying to get near the Dragon Council.  Good call.

We say goodbye to Atraxis and go east where we see people thowing fireballs into an ocean.  Iema explains the competition to Natalia, admitting it’s basically a wizard’s version of competing to see who has the biggest dick.  Except, of course, female wizards are in on the games, as well. 

We find a cleric named Ressin selling wands nearby.  Natalia can’t afford the cooler healing wands and has to settle for another wand of Cure Moderate Wounds.  Better than nothing. 

We move on from that book to go watch a wizard named Axilard, the Wizard of Summoning, summon various creatures.  After that, Iema decides he wants a drink, so we head to the bazaar.  There are doors that seemingly go nowhere with no signs indicating which one goes where.  Iema picks one at random.  He picks a good one:  We find ourselves amongst tables and trees on a freakin’ BEACH.  The serving staff is busy, serving plenty of humans and half-ogres.  Jim says they even have tables and chairs for the larger-sized races.  How very equal opportunity of them.

Iema orders a Cliff Crawler and tries to figure out the music that’s playing.  He eventually gets interested in the people taking bets on various types of sports and gets a half-orc to explain Break Ball, Scramble, and Skiffing to him.  As thanks, Iema buys him a Skull Crusher. 

Eventually, Iema is all drunk out.    Natalia has decided she wants to see if Ressin (the cleric with the wands) would be interested in buying any of her scrolls, so we head back to his booth.  She sells him a scroll of Remedy Moderate Wounds, but he suggests that she try setting up a booth there to sell her other stuff.  So Iema and Natalia head over to the admin tent to pay for space.

This is starting to sound eerily like real life.  I don’t like it.

Except, of course, real life doesn’t include any sponsors being wizards.  We’re instructed to talk to the head administrator, Lassiter.  Forms are filled out (again, too much like the real world here), we sit, and some guy named Jovos appears.  Jovos suggests Natalia meet with Althris, another druid at the fair, and swap spells with him while she’s there.  Iema eagerly gossips with Jovos about the deaths rumored to have taken place so far at the mage fair.

Jovos seems…I don’t know how to explain it.  Serious?  He says that the deaths are regrettable, that he’s strongly suggested that the masters of the servants who have been killed foot the bill of resurrecting them, and given the weight of his own words, he thinks that they will abide.

Kinda gives you the impression that he’s someone that other wizards don’t screw with, right?  Well, maybe for good reason:  When Natalia and Iema finally leave the admin tent, Iema goes, “I know who that was!  I know who that was!”

“Who?”  asks Natalia.

Apparently, an arch-devil.  Ah…ha.  Yeah, bard, how about moving a little faster away from this freakin’ tent?

Rushing out, we bump into who else but Uliver!  He hugs Natalia, she introduces him and Iema.  We tell him we’re off to find the other druid attending this fair; he points the way to his tent and invites us over after we’re done.  We say goodbye and continue on our merry little way.  Jim describes the scenery as getting more and more wooded.  It’s also what Jim says is the shitty area of the fair, for the vendors they don’t care as much about.  I don’t know.  More wooded sounds nicer to me, but there is a reason why I’m playing a druid, ya know.

Here, Natalia meets Althris.  She’s very hesitant when she meets him, considering how nasty the other druids she’s met are.

“Let me guess,” Althris says.  “You’re from the Spruce Circle.”

“Yeah,” she says apologetically.  “Sorry.  I just joined.  They’re a bunch of dicks.  How did you know I was part of the Spruce Circle?”

“Because you acted as if you were expecting me to be a dick, too,” he says.  “I’m from the Palm Circle.” 

We learn a little more about Althris.  He’s a long way from home, for one, and his circle fled the city of Fasset when they realized the Scaled Emperor there wanted to use them.  My knowledge about Fasset is sketchy at best, although Jim has gone through great lengths to tell me about it.  I just don’t have a brain that retains political-type stuff.  I know that some really bad guy is ruling it, that it’s damn near impossible to take it over, and that Jim has run other games in Valt where Fasset was pretty central.  I’m hoping he’ll explain more in the comments.

Anyway, some druids are stranded in Fasset.  Althris and other members of the Palm Circle go from mage fair to mage fair, selling their scrolls, trying to raise funds to 1) rescue the stranded druids, and 2) drive the Scaled Emperor out of Fasset.  They welcome and will work with anyone who will aid them in their fight.

Natalia’s scalp feels prickly.  She knows something.  She knows– “Julium,” she says aloud.

“Julium?  You know Julium?” Iema says.  He seems impressed.  After all, Julium is some noble big wig in Valt.

“Yeah, I met him staring at a bunch of ants in a cave,” she says.  She turns to Althris.  “I think…I think he plans on eventually going after Fasset.  He’d be good to work with.  I’ll tell him about you.  Um…how would I get ahold of you if he’s interested?”

“I’ll be travelling with this mage fair,” Althris tells her.  “We’ll be going southwest and then to Cadram.” 

Natalia makes a mental note.  Please, please, she thinks, don’t forget this.  Because we all know how bad Natalia and I are about forgetting EVERYTHING.

Althris and Natalia trade spells, her Infestation of Maggots and Handfire for his Blinding Spittle and Healing Sting, and eventually say goodbye.  I’ll have to remember him, one of the few druids that wasn’t a jerk.

Iema and Natalia head back to where we saw Uliver.  He finds us, ushers us back to his portable “door” that, again, seemingly goes nowhere.  But when he opens the door, it opens up into a mansion.  Raelan eventually shows up, everyone gets caught up with each on what we’ve seen and done during the day, the general concensus is that we don’t want to know what Jovos is doing there or is up to, and Raelan tells Natalia that Elianra, the Wizard of Animals will be coming up the next day.  WOOT.

And we call it a night.

Briezen the 2^nd

Iema and Natalia get up, head out, and set up a booth.  Natalia sells druidic scrolls while Iema plays nearby.  But it’s not for long: Jim says Natalia sells all of her scrolls in about three hours.  How awesome.  I really didn’t want to sit around a booth for the whole day.  Instead, Iema convinces Natalia to go check out a Break Ball game, which Jim describes in wonderful detail.

Not being very interested in sports, I failed to take notes on it.  Forgive me. 

Uliver had mentioned the night before something called a child auction.  It didn’t sound very pleasant to me.  Iema and I go check it out anyway.  Apparently, a child auction is where mages can pick up apprentices.  But if they sound a little bit like slave auctions, well…they kinda did to me too.  Especially since wizards are examining the children like they’re cattle or something.  Natalia finds it very disturbing.

Of course, some poor and homeless kids show up, hoping just to be able to go with someone.  Iema decides that he wants to take on an apprentice.  There’s a little girl, about five, that everyone keeps passing over.  She appears to be homeless and an orphan.  She comes up to Beta and starts stroking his fur.  She has no fear of him whatsoever, despite the fact that Beta is the size of a small pony.  The other little kids, however, stay far away from Beta.  They’re not completely dumb.

A wizard notices her petting Beta and approaches the little girl.  “Hm, no fear, eh?”

She doesn’t say anything.

“Can you count?”  he asks her.

“No,” she says. 

“Spell your name?  Anything?”

She seems uninterested in his questions but answers.  “No.”

The wizard glowers at her, then walks away.  “They really should quality screen these kids.”

Natalia snaps.  “You’re a DICK,” she calls out to his retreating back.

I see Phil/Iema cringing, since, you know, Natalia IS his guest.  Luckily, the Mighty Dick hasn’t heard her and keeps walking away.

Meanwhile, Iema has met a Jade Islander kid, about twelve, who really likes the fiddle and is interested in becoming a bard.  Jim roleplays this kid with some kind of Irish or Scottish accent.  Anyway Iema meets with his mother, who is extremely grateful and excited that Iema wants to take her son on as an apprentice.  Iema promises visits and gives her some money, having heard from the kid earlier that his dad was killed and they were broke.

People are starting to clear out from the children’s auction.  Now some very shady-looking people are there, and nobody is taking the little girl with them.  Jim’s very clear that Natalia is aware of this.

I give Jim a dirty look.  “You’re totally trying to saddle me with a kid, aren’t you, Jim?”  I ask.

He shrugs.  “You can do whatever you want.  Just know some pervy looking guys are closing in on that little girl.”

Needless to say, Natalia grabs at the little girl.  She warns the guys to get away–the girl is hers.  HMPH.

Great.  Now what do I do with this kid?

Iema goes off to buy the kid–his name is Corin–a fiddle.  We go to a shop that sells instruments.  The shop keeper is some fairy guy, half human and half grasshopper, from the looks of it.  Iema is particularly impressed with a magic banjolele made from a dragon’s vocal cords.  Jim says that Natalia actually does recognize this instrument: It’s Raelan’s handiwork, made from the dragon we had killed.

It’s entirely too expensive, though.  There’s some small talk (the shop keeper warning Natalia that Vueliss has been pissing fairies off by bossing them around, as if he owned them) and Iema gives a rousing performance on the banjolele.

His performance, it seems, has gotten the attention of someone rather interesting.  We had heard about him in passing, but then we finally meet him:  Elrich, the Lich Bard.  OOOO, scary.  My understanding is that in order to become a lich, you have to be one evil motherfucker.

Natalia shrinks back.  If Iema is nervous, he doesn’t show it.

Elrich suggests that they have a little competition.  “All right,” Iema agrees.  “If I win, I would love that banjolele.  And you?”

“Hmm,” Elrich taps his fingers together.  “Tell me…you’re not doing anything with your soul, are you?”

“Uh, that might be a little too steep,” Iema says.

Elrich points at Corin.  “How about his soul?”

At this point, it’s hard for Phil to not laugh, but he gets the words out anyway:  “I don’t think so.  I promised his mother that I would take good care of him, and I don’t think losing her son’s soul in a bardic duel was exactly what she had in mind.”

The Lich Bard tries another route.  “How about later, I call on you for a favor?  Fine, fine, fine,” he says, sighing, rolling his eyes at Iema’s hesitance, “I’ll make sure it’s not something that would be against your morality or anything like that.”

Iema thinks about it for a little bit, then agrees.

So the duel starts.  They pull out chosen instruments and play.  Jim told us the different instruments and their significances.  I think one instrument was something that only monsters play, thus indicating that the Lich Bard had studied under monsters, but I can’t be for sure.  Unfortunately, I can’t remember which instruments they played, so if Jim (or Phil) wants to add it in the comments, feel free.  It was a pretty riveting part of the game, watching Iema trying to compete with this evil bad ass.

It looks like they’re about to tie on the third round, but loud applause rings out in favor of Iema, tipping the scales in his favor.  We look over.  The loud applause had come from a man–who had been kicked into action by Iema’s young, new apprentice, Corin.  Good kid there.

Iema wins the fourth round, so now they’re tied 2-2.  He and Elrich agree that acapella would be the tie breaker.  Iema feels a beneficial spell coming from an unknown source come over him.  He allows it to wash over him, but even with it, the Lich Bard wins.  Barely.

The two men bow to each other.  Iema is a gracious loser.  The Lich Bard again extends his offer to relieve Iema of his soul.  Iema politely declines, but says sure, he’ll keep it in mind.

Corin comes over.  “If you had played the fiddle, you would have won.”

Just like a twelve year old boy.  They all think they know everything.  But Iema just says, “Perhaps.”

We leave there, go to the Bazaar to find Elianra.  We pay 40 gold for the entrance fee, step through the hoop, and find ourselves in the jungle.  The little girl (who, by the way, has no name) seems to enjoy it here.  She really likes animals.  I wonder how hard it would be to train a kid to be a druid. 

Ahead, we see where the trees grow into the shape of a cabin.  We head to it and step inside.  There, we meet a woman in a green and white dress.   She introduces herself as Elianra, the Wizard of Animals.  How she came about the name, by the way, was that there was already a Wizard of Animals, but he treated the animals badly, using them for his own needs.  She fought him and killed him, winning his title.  The only fight, she points out, she has ever had.

Natalia decides to leave the gorilla there.  He’s really too old to be fighting, and at least here, we know he’ll be happy.  I briefly consider leaving the little girl with the Wizard of Animals as well, thinking she’d be happier there as well, but when I hear Elianra mention that she has an apprentice, I decide against it.  (I didn’t know, until Jim told me after the game, that wizards sometimes take on more than one apprentice at a time.)

We leave.  The little girl isn’t happy about leaving the gorilla there.  Natalia tries to explain it to her.  Somehow, Tango gets mixed into the conversation.  The little girl keeps asking questions, Natalia keeps getting more confused and frustrated explaining everything to this kid, and Corin asks Iema if he can talk to him outside.

Iema and Corin step outside.  “That little girl is cursed,” Corin tells Iema.  “She’s been cursed by shypsies.  Everyone who’s ever taken care of her ends up dying.  My mum told me never to be around her.”

Iema considers it.  “Thank you for bringing that to my attention.  She’s just a little girl, though, so we can’t leave her.  But I’ll keep what you said in mind.”

Of course, Natalia hasn’t heard any of this, so she has no idea.  She spots Iema and Corin after they come back inside, goes to them, and they agree together to go to Uliver’s portable, uh, mansion.

We get back there, show the kids to Raelan and Uliver.  “Look at what we got!”  we tell then.

Realan frowns.  “Uh, yeah.  Kids.”

Corin asks, “Why are you wearing a dress?”

“It is NOT a dress,” Raelan says hotly.  And then he goes off on an angry tirade, something about what a bad ass he is, trying to prove his viciousness.  It’s quite a little speech.

“And that,” Iema tells Corin, “is why we don’t tell very powerful wizards that they’re wearing dresses.”

The little girl tugs on Natalia’s robes, leans over and whispers, “But it IS a dress.”

“I know,” Natalia whispers back.  “We’ll totally make fun of him for it later.”

This won’t take long.  Promise.  This session, to date, is THE shortest one we’ve had.  This will also be the last one where Jim and I are the only ones playing, as we’ve since invited Phil to join our games.  Forgot what happened in the last game?  Get caught up here.

Bracell the 24^th

Jim and I go for a lot of drives, just to chat and get away from the TV and the computer.  And, as you can imagine, our game does come up quite a bit.  One thing I had asked Jim:  While Natalia is out with Beta and Tango, who is taking care of their puppies?

Jim starts out this game by telling me that the puppies have been in the myconids’ care.  I didn’t know little mushroom guys were good baby-sitters–or wolf-sitters, in this case–but apparently, my myconids are.  And why not?  It’s not like wolves eat mushrooms, anyway, so it could work.

Jim also tells me when we start our game that the wolf puppies are ready to leave Tango.  So Natalia starts the game by heading to Raelan’s to not only to suggest they go to the next mage fair, but also to offer him a puppy.

It doesn’t take her long to get there.  Once there, Natalia explains that Julium is doing his military thing on Devies and wants them out of the area when he does so, and that going to the mage fair provides us the perfect excuse for being out of town.  Raelan agrees that if Julium wants us out, it’s probably a good idea.  And, thankfully, there’s a mage fair coming up very soon.  He would like to get there around Breizen the 4th.

Natalia agrees.  “Also,” she says, “Tango’s puppies are ready to leave their mom.  Want one?”

“Yes,” Raelan says.  “I want the smallest one.”

Natalia’s not sure why exactly he wants the smallest (I believe Raelan later explained that it will be the most vicious), but she heads back home, grabs the smallest, and runs back to Raelan to give him his puppy.

“Excellent,” he says in that creepy-I’m-totally-going-to-experiment-on-him voice.

“You are not going to hurt the puppy, are you?” I ask.

“No!”  he says.  “Well…not much, anyway.”

Natalia demands Raelan’s word that he won’t hurt the puppy.  He gives it, but I have a hunch he plans on “sprucing” the little guy up to be more than just a wolf.  I just hope it doesn’t hurt him, but I don’t think Raelan would do anything too painful to it.  For one, he knows it would piss Natalia off.

Raelan suggests that while we’re waiting for the mage fair, Natalia go ahead and scribe some scrolls to sell there.  Since druids will be pretty rare there–and because druidic spells can be reverse-engineered for wizards to create new spells–any scrolls Natalia scribes will probably sell well.  So Natalia goes off to drop off another wolf-puppy to Grugor, sends an animal messenger to Julium to let him know our plans to be out of the area, and then heads home to make scrolls.  She does this until Bracell the 26th.

Bracell the 27^th

On the morning of the 27th, Natalia wakes up to some commotion coming from underneath her tree house.  She hurries outside and looks down.  The myconids have surrounded a guy with spiky red hair and green skin.  He is wearing scale mail.

He looks up at her.  “Will you call them off, please?”

Natalia comes down, calls them off.  Natalia asks for this guy’s name, but he claims he doesn’t have one.  No Name says Vueliss wants to see Natalia.  Natalia agrees to go him and follows No Name into the Spruce Circle territory.

We finally get to a grove where there are other druids gathered.  Here, it is explained that Natalia is being invited to the Spruce Circle.  As you know, I hate a lot of its members, and especially its leader Vueliss and his son, Iverrias.  But the circle is involved in stuff that would be easier for me to figure out if I were in it, so Natalia agrees to join.

There’s a catch: Admittance into the Spruce Circle requires the druid to make a bogun.  What’s a bogun, you ask?  Good question.  I asked the same thing.  If you remember, I had run into them before in the fourth game.  And I’m going to steal Jim’s notes regarding them from his comments to that post, just because he describes it better than I can:

…The little bug things are called boguns. And to avoid confusion, the haughty elf she met didn’t make them all. Gury supplied the information that EVERY druid in the Circle must create a bogun for use by the circle to patrol their section of the forest. Boguns are constructs made from natural materials (leaves, twigs, dead turtle shells, rocks, mud, etc)

Okay, so that’s what a bogun is.  And now Natalia has to make one.  Problem: She doesn’t know how.

One of the half-elf druids nearby explain to her that this is not a problem.  Natalia is going to learn how.  All Natalia has to do it go into the cave nearby to learn the spell.

Natalia sees the cave the half-elf is talking about.  She goes past everyone, goes in, and sees that the cave actually spirals down.  There’s a glow at the bottom.  Natalia follows the spiral path downward until she reaches the bottom.  It opens up into a little room.  There are glowing streaks all over the wall.  I ask Jim if it’s in a pattern or says anything, and he says not really.  Or, at least, Natalia can’t make any sense of them.

There’s also a bed in this little room, with a gnome sleeping on it.

Natalia clears her throat.  He wakes up.

“Hey,” she says.  “Sorry to wake you.  I was told to go here to learn how to make a bogun…?”

“‘S okay,” he says.  The gnome has a raspy voice.  He hops out of bed, reaches out his hand to shake hers.  “How you doin’?  I’m Aqueous.”

Natalia reaches out to shake Aqueous’s hand.  Jim says when she shakes his hand, she notices that through his leather glove, it feels…squishy.

“Uh,” Natalia says, “that’s an interesting grip you’ve got there.”

“Yeah,” Aqueous agrees.  “I’m an ooze master.”

Natalia doesn’t know a lot about oozes, but the title “ooze master” tells her enough.  Her intelligence is only an 8, but she’s not totally stupid.

We get to work.  Aqueous puts slimy, glowy stuff on Natalia’s hands.  At first, I think it’s some mystical junk, but Aqueous explains that it’s actually so we can see in the dark here.  He then directs Natalia down a hall, telling her everything she needs to know is in there. 

Before she leaves, Natalia notices that one part of Aqueous’s face is slipping.  His eye finally droops out of his socket.  He realizes and pokes it back in.  “There,” he says.  “I hate it when that happens.”

Natalia gives him a strange look.  “Yeah.  I imagine that would be problematic for most people.  Well, I’m gonna get started.”

She goes.  Behind her, she can hear Aqueous muttering to himself, saying something about how now she’s going to think he’s crazy.  And I don’t mean muttering to himself like most people do when they’re trying to focus on something or griping under their breath.  I’m talking about someone who actually expects someone to say something back.

Natalia ignores it and keeps going.  Jim describes the hallway as seemingly endless.  He also says that Natalia feels a deep connection to this place.  There is ancient druidic writings on the walls.  Natalia reads as she goes, learning the spell.  It takes a long time.  She finally gets to the point where she realizes she needs materials for the spell before she can go on to the next part. 

The materials must be living or once living.  Obviously, Natalia isn’t going to find them in the cave, so she goes back out the hall, past Aqueous (who has fallen asleep again), up the spiral path, and out the cave.  All the druids that were there earlier are gone.

Natalia goes about collecting materials, such as twigs and branches among other things, and shapes it into something that resembles a cat.  I think Jim was disappointed that I didn’t get much crazier than that, but as far as I’m concerned, cats are the most awesome animals EVER and you can’t really beat ‘em, so why mess with perfection?

Natalia takes her wicker cat back down into the cave, back in the hallway again.  She creates a circle, puts the wicker cat in the middle, and starts chanting.  The connection to the place gets even stronger, but then Natalia feels a part of herself slipping away.  Jim explains to me that is a part of her soul disappearing into the bogun.

And then–it’s alive!

Jim then goes into great detail on the connection between Natalia and this wicker cat.  I soon find out why he wants me to understand the bond.  He tells me that remember, a piece of Natalia’s soul is in this wicker cat.  It’s a deep love between her and her bogun; it’s akin to a bond between a mother and her child.  Maybe even stronger.  Furthermore, she knows, without a doubt, that this thing is very much alive and has feelings.

Which makes the next part so very, very wrong.

Natalia happily takes the wicker cat upstairs and outside.  There are druids outside again, waiting for her.  This time, though, Vueliss appears.

Vueliss pushes past everyone.  “You’ve made the bogun?”  A scarred elf stands next to Vueliss, carefully watching our exchange. 

“Yes,” Natalia says.

“Good,”  he says.  He points to the scarred elf .  “This is the master of boguns.  Turn your bogun over to him.  Instruct it to report to and obey him and him only.”

“What?”  Natalia asks.  “I don’t–I don’t know…”  I give Jim a pleading look.  This all feels very, very wrong.

Iverrias steps in.  “Enough,” he spits.  “You knew what all this entailed.  Now hand the bogun over.”

No, Natalia did NOT know this part of the bargain.  I hate Vueliss.  I hate Iverrias.  I hate them both.

I get quiet for a really long time at this point in the game, debating what I’m supposed to do.  I guess the in-game reflection is that Natalia is gripping onto her bogun, her little wicker cat, also debating, feeling horrified.  Nieiumao is also standing nearby, watching the exchange, knowing that Natalia doesn’t want to give her bogun up.  He comes over to her.  “It’s up to you,” he says.  “But know this: If you refuse, that bogun isn’t getting out of here alive.  They’ll kill it.”

So, here are my options: 1) Natalia can refuse and they’ll kill her bogun, 2) she can try to run off with it, undoubtedly be attacked by the Circle, and we’ll BOTH be killed, or 3) turn the bogun over and hope for the best. 

As far as I can tell, #3 is the only way of keeping my bogun alive.

Natalia puts her bogun on the ground.  The wicker cat paws at Natalia’s leg.  Natalia can feel its feelings.  It doesn’t want to go. 

You know, I know this is just a game, but doing this is honestly hard.  ”Fine,” Natalia says glumly.  She reluctantly hands over her bogun, telling it to obey and report to the master of boguns.  It hisses at her and runs away, going to the master.

Vueliss and Iverrias leave immediately after, not caring about the effects their initiation has on Natalia.

“Will my bogun be okay?” Natalia asks a nearby druid.

She pauses.  “Hope…that it dies quickly.”

That doesn’t make me feel better at all.  Aqueous comes out; other druids,  except for Natalia, Nieiumao, Alpen and his gray render Licky, stay away from Aqueous.  Aqueous himself explains that he’s not really liked by the other druids, but since he’s the only one who can get past all the oozes to get to the magic in the cave, they put up with him.

Around her, druids gather around Natalia to welcome her to the Spruce Circle.  Nieiumao gives her a spruce staff as a gift.  People start mingling; a small party has started.  But Natalia still feels heartbroken about giving up her bogun.

It’s definitely the worst party Natalia has ever been to.  As soon as she can, she heads back home.

Bracell the 28^th-29^th

All Natalia does on these two days is scribe more scrolls for the mage fair.  Once we’re done, Jim tells me a couple of things–out of character, of course.

1) Giving up her bogun = black marks against Natalia.  Jim admitted that I picked what I thought was the lesser of the evils, but there was just no getting around it: Giving up a creature that you know is alive, has feelings, and OH MY GOD, SPRING, HAS A PIECE OF YOUR SOUL is an evil act. 

Did I argue this?  Yes.  At least my bogun is alive.  I didn’t realize it might not want to be, though.

2) Jim asked that we stop the game here.  I asked why.  By now, we had played for probably only an hour, if even that.  I might get tired quickly, but that’s a short game even by my standards.

And this is where Jim explained to me that the next part of the story would be Natalia’s going to her first mage fair.  He did have everything planned out, but in order for it to go as planned, well…he needed Phil.

So that’s it for game 13.  We played game 14 last night, our first game with Phil and his character, Iema.  (That’s pronounced EE-ma, by the way.  Kinda like “emo” with an a at the end.)  I’ll try to get that post up sometime this week, but that game was looooong, so it’s gonna take a bit to write up.

Until then.

Okay, people, back to the grindstone with another “Homebrewed.”  If you’ve forgotten where we’re at (hell, I did), you can read part 11 here.  Or, you can just read the quick recap:  Natalia, Grugor, and Raelan have been traveling the road south of Stilldale, trying to find out 1) who is attacking caravans between Stilldale and Devies, and 2) who really summoned the fire elemental that nearly burned down the forest–before the Spruce Circle decides to hang Raelan for the crime.  We’ve just battled Azers carrying Ashrats on their backs that attempted to attack a caravan, so that answers number 1.  But is number 1 related to number 2?  And, if so, who is orchestrating all this?

Bracell the 22^nd

Jim and I pick up the game right where we left off, on the afternoon of Bracell the 22nd, right after looting the bardic, big-assed Azer we battled in the last game.  You’d think that because we’re picking right off on the same day, we’d take off running in this game.  You’d be wrong.  Why?  Well, because we skipped a week, that’s why. 

Jim and I are finding that when we skip a week, we can’t remember how Natalia wanted to proceed in the last game, and then he asks me to make a decision.  And I’m not good with decisions.  I also barely remember what’s going on (despite my blogging about it), and worst of all, it’s almost like I’ve never played in the first place.  I get a case of cold feet all over again.  And it gets ugly.  I stall the game, suggesting to Jim that maybe I’m really not cut out to do this, maybe he’d have more fun doing this with people who are more familiar with D&D, and hell, maybe we should just BREAK UP and he should get a girl who is even GEEKIER and REALLY LOVES THESE STUPID GAMES and, by the way, if you do, Jim, you know she’s going to PROBABLY LOOK LIKE A MAN. 

In fact, I hope she does.

And then I feel better and move on.  You see what my poor boyfriend has to deal with?

With my obligatory stagefright/meltdown out of the way, Natalia asks Raelan and Grugor how they want to proceed.  We’ve already determined that it’s mostly likely a wizard behind summoning the Azers.  Do we hunt him (or her) down first, or do we go back to Stilldale and warn Julium about the Gnomish letter hinting toward his assassination?

“Well,” Raelan says, “I want to find the wizard who’s summoning these things, kill him, and take his spellbook.”

Natalia shoots Raelan a look.  “Okay, are you just doing that because you want his spells, or do you actually want to find out who was trying to burn down the forest?”

Raelan shrugs.  “Yeah, sure, I care about the forest.”  He is not convincing in the slightest.

“Well, what about telling Julium about what this letter says?”

Raelan frowns.  “I don’t think we should.  If we do, he’s just going to start a crusade to find out who it is, and that very act itself is what they’re waiting for before assassinating him.”

Good point.  Still not convinced that Raelan’s vote isn’t solely based on his wanting another wizard’s spellbook, though, Natalia turns to Grugor.  “Grugor, what do you think we should do?”

“Me not trust gnomes.”

“Okay, then,” Natalia says.  Yay, decision’s made.  “Uh, the Azer said it’s someplace in the mountains.  Some temple or something.  Yeah…that’s kind of big and vague.  We’re not going to be able to find that, are we?”

Raelan shakes his head.  “No, but I have another idea.  Something is pulling fire creatures from another plane, right?  So there’s a chance that other creatures from the fire plane have heard about this and might know something.  We can summon one here and ask.”

See, this is why Jim has all these NPCs with me: Because I can’t think of shit like that.  “Hey!” I say.  “That’s a good idea.  Let’s do that.”

“The problem is that it’s got to be someone we already know,” Raelan says.

Now, I might not be quick to come up with sneaky ways around things, but I’m not dumb, either.  I immediately eye Jim suspciously.  Or, I guess you could say, Natalia eyes Raelan suspciously.  Because I already know who he has in mind.  “You are not summoning Steam Broad,” I say.  Steam Broad, if you remember, is the steam mephit we first ran across in the fourth game, who had been summoned by Sorval to hunt down Raelan.  We ran into her again in the Astral Plane as well, along with her parents that I nickednamed Fire Bitch and Frost Bastard.

“Actually, Steam Broad is exactly who I had in mind.”

I sigh.  “FINE.”

Raelan tells Natalia he will need a drop of her blood, explaining that since Natalia was the last one that “killed” her (I guess she wasn’t really killed but banished), the drop of blood acts as my “permission” to call her back to this plane again.  I agree.  Raelan gets to work, sprinkling some silver stuff all over the place, and then he pricks Natalia’s finger with a needle and drops the blood in the middle of his sprinkled design.

Where the blood drops, steam appears, followed soon after by Steam Broad.  “Who dare summons me?” she damands in her nasally, too-small voice.  She looks up and sees Natalia.  “YOU!”

Jim describes what happens next to be like in those Loony Toon cartoons, like when Daffy Duck gets mad and bounces all over the place, going ballistic.  Steam Broad does the same thing, partly because she’s pissed at seeing us, and partly because she’s trying to get out of whatever shape Raelan sprinkled on the ground that’s apparently keeping her in place, like a magical cage.

She doesn’t succeed, and finally, she gives up, panting and glaring at us.  “What do you want?”

We explain to her what information we want.  She, of course, refuses to help.  Raelan suggests that we torture her.  “NO,” I say, putting my foot down.  That is something I can make a decision about.  “We are not summoning her here, keeping her locked into place, just to torture her.”

Finally, Steam Broad gives in–sort of.  She’s stuck, after all.  But she wants something in return.  “Entice me,” she says, rubbing her hands together greedily.

“What on Earth do you want?” I ask, exasperated.  I barely know what a freakin’ steam mephit is, much less what their greatest desires are.  Geez.

She looks at me like I’m the stupidest person alive.  Although, with my Intelligence at an 8, I might be.  “Riches,” she says.

“I don’t have that.  Hell, all I have is a treehouse.”

“Give me your treehouse!”

“NO.  God, what else could you want?”

She becomes animated.  “Riches!  Power!  WORSHIP!  BOW TO ME.”

And so it comes back to this.  “Yeah…no.  We’re not bowing to you.  So STOP SAYING THAT.”

Eventually, I find out that steam mephits like gems, so I fork over the 10 gold piece gem we got from the bardic Azer, along with a 20 gold piece sapphire that I had on me.  Steam Broad was happy, so she started talking:  Yes, she has heard about fire creatures being summoned from her plane.  Sort of.  It’s actually a portal, one that she claims has been there forever, and that portal has been opened between the fire plane and our plane.  Some magical force has been reaching through the portal, like a hand, and grabbing fire creatures from their plane to ours.  Her description of the portal definitely sounds Chenestik in nature, but she doesn’t know the location–only that it’s in some small mountains near the edge of the forest.

“That must be how the Azers got here then,” I say.  Steam Broad quickly catches what I say and demands to know what I’m talking about.  I describe the last Azer we’d see, the bardic one.

She looks interested.  “That’s Susspann,” she says.  Jim-as-Steam Broad hisses the “s” sounds, pops the “p” sounds loudly.  Very appropriate for a language for fire-based people, as it sounds like a fire…well, hissing and popping.  “You killed him?” she asks.

“Yeah.  Well…banished him from this plane, I guess,” I say.

She nods happily.  “Good.  He’s a prick.”

So, we now know little more about this portal, and we’re still clueless about the location.  Steam Broad knows where it is on her plane, but she only has a vague idea where it is on ours.  Then Raelan comes up with a brilliant suggestion: We go to the fire plane, have Steam Broad take us to the portal over there, and then we’ll come back through it on our side.  Grugor and I agree to this idea, Steam Broad agrees after being bribed with another gem (this time, one worth 125 gold pieces), and Raelan uses a message spell to get ahold of Uliver.

Uliver appears shortly.  His porting there takes Steam Broad by surpise, but she quickly recovers.  “BOW TO ME,” she demands.

To my surprise, he does.  He’s very gracious to her.  “And to whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?” he asks.

Steam Broad seems much happier in the worshipped role, and she takes it in stride.  “Ssissinip,” she says, again, prouncing the name with lots of hissing and pops. 

Huh?  Steam Broad has a name?  I don’t like this.  Quit giving my enemies DEPTH, Jim.  Whatever, I’m still calling her Steam Broad.

She waves at Uliver.  “You may stand.”

Before he does, Uliver kisses her hand, lightly singeing his lips.

We explain to Uliver what we want to do.  Uliver agrees to open a portal for us, but he suggests that we wait until the next day, so we can have appropriate spells ready and buffs up.  He offers to give us a spell on us that will protect us from a plane’s elements: In this case, fire.  He will give Raelan the scroll for the spell, so he can cast it once we get there.

Also, he wants us to be clear on one thing: He is not going with us.  No way, no how.  Am I surprised?  No.  Remember how fast he bailed when the entire town was fighting the black dragon? 

Uliver is a nice guy, he’s a great wizard, but he is also a chicken.

Whatever.  We stay there for the night.  Jim says that previous fire-based monsters have pretty much cleared the area already, so I don’t even have to roll for encounters.

Bracell the 23^rd

We get our spells ready, and Uliver opens a portal to the Astral Plane.  We hop on through.  Jim describes it as simply infinite.  He says Natalia sees specks everywhere, but she can’t tell if it’s actually doorways just very far away, or if it’s just specks of dust in her eyes.  Jim says it can be either; she’s not sure.

Jim also feels the need to tell me that how fast you fly in the Astral Plane is dependent on the character’s intelligence.  So Natalia is lagging behind everyone else–except for Steam Broad.

“I hate you, Jim,” I tell him.

He just laughs at me.  “You and Steam Broad have the EXACT SAME intelligence.”

“Shut up.”  I make a mental note that next time I can up a point in one of my scores, I should put it in Intelligence.

We fly along for what feels like FOREVER, and finally, we see a door ahead.  This one is definitely getting bigger.  We reach it.  Uliver says goodbye here, not-so-subtly hinting that we’re going to die, and teleports the hell out of there.  We go through the portal.  Jim says that Natalia feels like she’s on fire, that she can feel her skin blistering, that when she opens her mouth to scream, she can’t–she only feels flames.  Then, suddenly, it’s gone.  Raelan has put the protection spell on us.  All that’s left is that we’re a little pink. 

The landscape around us is, as Jim says, “blackened, charred, and twisted.”  Where we’d expect water, there’s magma.  Trees are blackened and perpetually in flames. 

“Hurry up, before someone sees us,” Steam Broad grumbles.

We follow Steam Broad to the portal on the fire plane.  I have to roll 8 times for encounters.  Surprisingly, I don’t get a single one, and we get to the portal.  I’m surprised we’re getting through the fire plane without fighting something, but that looks to be the case. 

Before we walk through the portal to the other side, Raelan turns around and speaks to Steam Broad.  “One second.  Do me a favor,” he says to her.

None of us expect what he does next.  Raelan motions with his hands, obviously casting, and to my surprise, he summons Fire Bitch–Steam Broad’s mother.

Is he doing a family reunion or something because she helped us? I think. 

That’s a big, fat NO.  What Raelan does next is cast some sort of god-awful spell, and it rains down on Fire Bitch, pummeling her.  She screams.

“Raelan, what are you doing?”  Natalia yells.  There’s no role-playing here; I’m horrified and confused as to why he’s doing this.  Fire Bitch is on the ground now, battered and in pieces.  Natalia realizes that this isn’t banishment, like what we did before.  Because we are in their home plane, Fire Bitch is now actually dead.

Raelan ignores Natalia’s protests and whips around on Steam Broad.  “I AM RAELAN, WIZARD OF VENGEANCE.  YOU TELL EVERYONE HERE THAT THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY EVER CROSS ME!”

Steam Broad has already fled.  “Raelan!” Natalia says.  “What the hell did you do that for?”

He’s already calmed down.  He looks at Fire Bitch.  “She crossed us.”

“Fire Bitch?  But we already dealt with her before, she was done.  You summoned her here and then killed her, without her even having a chance to explain or defend herself!”

Raelan looks at Natalia.  “Do you have a problem with that?”

Yes.  I do.  But I, as Natalia, just grumble at Raelan.  I know he’s right that, yes, she had crossed us once before, but it was…I don’t know.  Different.  Jim tells me (out of character, of course) that, as a druid, Natalia would be bugged by this because for better or for worse, Fire Bitch is just an elemental being an elemental. 

That explains why Natalia is bothered by it, but it doesn’t explain why I’m bothered by it.  I secretly wonder if Raelan is going to lose himself with his growing powers, go evil or something.  I mean, c’mon.  Is he seriously considering taking the title of “Wizard of Vengeance”?

Suddenly, Sorval, the Wizard of Ribbons, doesn’t seem nearly as scary.

Raelan suggests we get ready with spells because whoever’s behind this is probably on the other side.  Natalia shakes off her uneasiness and agrees, preps Call Lightning, and casts Greater Magic Fang on both Beta and Tango.  We go through the portal.

We find ourselves in what Jim describes as a sinkhole.  The ground above has weakened and collapsed; below us, down a ways, there’s a cave.  Ahead of us, just below the “lip” of the ceiling, there is a gnome with tufts of hair, clad in robes, holding a large book.  I assume that’s the spell book Raelan wants so bad.  Nearby him is the lizard thing that the tree had described to Natalia, the two-legged one, something Natalia has never seen before.  They are near some eerie-looking campfire that doesn’t look quite “right.”  For one, it’s thin and only goes off the ground six inches.

We see them, they see us, and it’s straight into combat.

Because I have Call Lightning prepped, it’s the first thing I cast.  To Jim’s dismay, I roll well: 64 points of damage.  A little too well because I kill the gnome outright.  The weird fire then ripples toward us, kind of like a flying carpet, and the flames leap up, as if trying to engulf us.  Natalia, Grugor, and the wolves take 5 points of fire damage from that.  Grugor quickly chops the fire wall into pieces.  If I remember right, Raelan tries to fire something at the lizard thing, but it takes off running.  Natalia tries to snare it with Entangle, but it manages to get out.

“Should we gun it down?”  Raelan asks.

Jim has me roll an animal empathy check on it.  He says Natalia can tell that it’s an animal–granted, a very intelligent animal–simply acting like an animal.  “No,” Natalia says.

(And then, later, after the game, Jim will tell me that, ironically, I killed the non-aligned creature and let the very much evilly-aligned creature run off.  Lovely.)

About here is where another “non-scheduled break” popped up.  Jim was disappointed in how quickly we killed the gnome wizard.  I guess he was supposed to be the boss fight, but neither one of us anticipated how quickly Natalia would kill him.  Jim’s disappointment upset me.  Then we got into a whole talking bit that I won’t go into here, but basically, he was worried about disappointing me, and I was worried that I screwed something up and was disappointing him.  Eventually, I pointed out to him that I don’t know enough about D&D to be disappointed, and furthermore, I don’t really like  that much of a challenge anyway.  I mean, hey, if we’re being honest here…

Jim and I quit whining and go back to the game.  Raelan finds on the gnome some gold and a letter.  He opens the letter and reads it.  “HA.  Well, this explains a lot.”

“What is it?”  Natalia says, getting closer to him to read it.   The letter refers to the gnome wizard as Talaz.  It’s written in Numbraran, entitling Talaz to stop the elven druids, by any means necessary, from attacking the empire.

Well, looks like we found who was behind all these attacks.  We decide to head back to town.  Before we do, Raelan flips through Talaz’s spellbook.  He only finds two spells he likes; the rest are worthless to him.  He decides that he’ll copy the two spells he wants and then sell the book at the upcoming mage fair. 

Raelan deactivates the portal, hides it behind some tree branches, and we go back to Stilldale, taking Talaz’s head as proof of the one behind summoning fire-based elementals.  I’m starting to find out why it gets harder to get XP at later levels: At this point, I no longer roll for encounters because Jim says any bad guys in the area know Natalia by reputation and are going to stay away.  If I run into anyone in the forest, it’s going to be because they’re looking for me.  I guess it’ll make getting from one place to another easier, at least.

Once we get to Stilldale, Grugor and Raelan head their separate ways.  Natalia finds Julium at the guardhouse, talking to a man cloaked in gray that speaks in a gravelly voice.  He introduces the man as Jerth.

Jerth looks at Natalia with interest and asks, “Is this the one you wanted me to talk about poisons with?”

Poisons?

“Yes,” Julium tells him.

Natalia asks Julium if she can speak with him alone.  Hell, she doesn’t know this Jerth guy.  Jerth leaves, and Natalia hands the writ to Julium.  He reads it.

“This is exactly the kind of behavior I’m crusading against,” Julium says.

“Crusading?” Natalia repeats, thinking of the other letter we had found, the one hinting that if Julium “finds out” about something, does some sort of crusade, that he’ll be assassinated.  She wonders briefly if she should tell him about that letter, then remembers what Raelan has said, and pushes the thought aside.

“Yes,” Julium says.  “Furthermore, they’re doing all this for profit, too.  But we have a plan.  It’s going to happen after you and Raelan leave for the mage fair.”

“Why?”

“Because we don’t want you in the cross fire.”  Julium goes on that he’s sent a message of sorts to the head guy of Devies, telling him to step down.  Naturally, the guy isn’t going to reliquinsh his power any time soon, so Julium has a plan in the works to dismantle him.

Natalia looks at Julium warily.  “Does it involve that guy poisoning someone?” she asks, referring to Jerth.

“Actually, he needs to talk to you about getting poisons.”

Natalia nods.  She tells Julium that she needs to get going; after all, she has a head to deliver.  Before she leaves, though, she says, “Hey, Julium?  Keep Allista nearby you, okay?”

He says, “I plan on it.”

Good.  Makes it heard to assassinate someone when his fiancée is guarding him, reading your thoughts.

Natalia then makes her way to Spruce Circle territory.  Again, I don’t have to roll for encounters.  When I get there, the child druid with the gray renger pops up.  “HI.”

We stop.  “Hello,” Natalia says.

“What do you want?”

“I need to see Vueliss.”  I imagine Natalia trying to step around him, but the kid won’t let her pass.

“You can’t.”

“Why not? I have to give this head to him,” I say.  “It’s the gnome that summoned the fire elemental.  He wanted it.”

“Can I see it?”

Natalia thinks about it for a moment, and then hands the head to him.  The kid quickly puts his hand inside the head, making a puppet out of it.  “Hello!” he squawks, moving the dead gnome’s mouth.  “I’m a gnome!”

“Give me that head back,” Natalia says, snatching the skull back.

“You can give the head to me; I’m part of the Circle.”

Natalia looks doubtful. ”You’re in the Circle?”   A kid–a human kid, to boot–part of the snobbish, racist, Elven-led Circle?  “How did you manage that?”

“I bonded with a gray render,” he says.

“So?”

“And I let him eat my parents.”

“Oh,” says Natalia.  That explains it.

“Can I have the head now?”

“No.  Where’s Gury?” I ask.  I’d much rather give him the head; at least, I’d know it’d be safe.

“Being naked somewhere.  He’s naked a LOT.”

I sigh.

“Can I please have the head?”

Natalia is reluctant to let go of the head.  “I don’t even know you.”

“I’m Alpen,” he says.  “And this is Licky.  And you’re Natalia.  And I let a gray render eat my parents.  Now you know me.  Can I have the head now?”  When he sees that Natalia is still deciding, he adds, “Vueliss doesn’t actually need the head, you know.  He just needs to know what whatever summoned the elemental is dead.  You give me the head, and I’ll tell Vueliss you killed him.”

I give in.  At this point, I figure the worst case scenario would be that Vueliss will decide I hadn’t found the culprit, go after Raelan, thus giving me an excuse to go after him.  “Fine, whatever, kid, take the damned head.”  Natalia tosses it over at him.

Alpen immediately puts his hand back inside of the head, making the mouth move as if the head was talking again.  “Thank you for killing me!”  he squeaks.  “Thank you for stopping the fire elemental and killing the mean gnome who was going to burn down the forest!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…”  Natalia turns around and starts walking away.

“Hey!”  Alpen calls.  She turns around, and he says, “Do you want to be part of the Circle?  Because after this, I bet Vueliss will let  you in.”

Natalia really doesn’t want to be part of the Circle Jerks.  Out of character, I tell Jim as much.  But it wouldn’t hurt to be in it as a spy.  So Natalia shrugs and says, “Sure, why not?”

Alpen nods eagerly.  “Okay, I’ll tell Vueliss that you want to be part of the Circle, then.”  He holds the head up on his hand, puppeteering it again.  “Goodbye, Natalia!  Goodbye!”

Until the next game…

Before I jump into the gory details of our game, a note:  Our “Homebrewed” games have always run on Sundays for anywhere from 6 to 8 hours.  Now that Jim has started gaming with Phil and his other friends on Saturdays, we don’t want our Sundays, our only full day together, to be devoted to D&D.  Heaven forbid, we want couple-time.  So we’re trying to do this on Fridays now, after I get off work, which means that the games will be much shorter (and the ”Homebrewed” posts won’t take so freakin’ long to read/write!), but, as we found out, it also means I’m lethargic by the end of the game.  Doing both work and D&D in one day might just be a tad too much for me.  We’ll see how it goes.

This week starts with me breaking out a new notebook for notes and Jim asking me–ME, of all people!–to remind him who was with Natalia in the cave.  Yes, it’s been that long.  D’oh!

So a lot of this game is mostly us trying to get back into the swing of things.  But enough talking.  On with it!

Bracell the 19^th

We spend the night in the cave.  Once it’s morning again, Natalia gets to prepare her spell list for the day.  Because we’re facing different challenges, I’m picking different spells than I usually do.  I really love this part because it gives me an excuse to throw in spells I’ve never used before just to see what they do.

My choices this morning make sense though.  The first thing I have Natalia cast is Remove Disease to take care of the gangrene on the man and woman.  While it does take care of the gangrene, their legs are still damaged, so I throw in a Lesser Restoration.  Then Jim has me roll a heal check, although I’m not sure why.  Once I succeed in the heal check, Jim explains why: Natalia has figured out that the man is on the verge of death.  His constitution score is a 1.

(This then begins a lengthy explanation of how one can have full hit points but still be near death if their Constitution score is at a 1.  I did not know this, and while I get it technically, it still makes no sense to me.  In real life terms, how can you have all your hit points but 0 Constitution?  Anyone who wants to explain to me how this works, feel free.)

Natalia tells Raelan and Grugor what she’s learned.  “Do we take them back to town?” she asks.

“I don’t see where we really have a choice,” says Raelan, sounding disappointed.  Like Natalia, he likes to see some action and going back to town doesn’t seem very exciting.

Natalia and I both agree and start working on some makeshift crutches for the pair.  Meanwhile, we learn that the man’s name is Mikus and the woman’s name is Juleese.  Natalia hands them the crutches, and then she turns into a horse so they can ride her into town.

God, saying that makes my druid sound like the village slut, but really, she’s not whorey, she’s handy.

That being said, we take off into town and have absolutely no encounters.  I’m glad we don’t have any with the two of them around because Mikus would totally die if someone even looked at him cross-eyed, but in general, it would be nice to have more encounters.  We could use some freakin’ clues about who summoned the fire elemental.

And XP, heh.

We go to the temple and find Roan reading to some children.  Doesn’t she ever waste her time?  You know, drink, play cards, pick her nose, something?  She looks up, sees us standing at the door, and quickly calls someone over to take her place.  Once they’ve taken over for her, she walks over to us.  “Can I help you?”

Natalia introduces Mikus and Juleese, explains that Mikus especially needs help.  Roan thanks the party for bringing them to her.  “By the way,” she says to Natalia, “you look much better than last time I saw you.”

Both Natalia and I are confused where Jim/Roan is going with this.  “Huh?  What do you mean?”

“I don’t know,” Jim-as-Roan says.  “You have more…color.”

Pause.  I stare at Jim.

I don’t get it until Jim laughs and says, “Get it?  Get it?”  He points at my mini representing Natalia on the battlemap.

Oh.  I get it.  Jim recently painted my mini, so now she’s no longer plain black.  (By the way, Natalia isn’t supposed to be a blond; she’s brunette, but Jim forgot and made her blond.)

I roll my eyes at Jim’s joke while he says, “THAT WAS GOOD.  YOU HAVE TO ADMIT THAT WAS GOOD.”

Rather than admit to anything, I tell Jim that Natalia wants to find Julium to see if he can translate this Gnomish letter she found in the fire giant’s cave.  We hunt him down, but Julium doesn’t really know Gnomish.  He can make out a couple words but doubts that the letter has anything to do with who summoned the fire elemental.

Which, incidentally, is not what I want to hear.  I’m grouchy.  I’m tired.  We decide we’ll look for more clues on the road south of town since we covered the one going north.  But we’ll wait until morning, once we can redo our spells again.  Meanwhile, townspeople find out that Natalia’s in town and start coming to her with questions about their sick animals, failing crops.  Natalia’s feeling is that an educated society is a better society, so she spends the rest of her day in Stilldale, helping out with sick animals, giving advice on how to improve crops.

Bracell the 20^th

Natalia meets Raelan and Grugor at the appointed place.  Raelan is bustling with energy.  “They have a new graveyard guardian,” he says.  “Boy, does he hate you.”

At first, Natalia is uninterested in the new graveyard guardian’s opinion.  She just wants to keep moving.  But Raelan keeps talking about the new graveyard guardian of Stilldale, how he was trying to make a deal with it in exchange for spells, but the graveyard guardian won’t even talk to Raelan because he runs with Natalia.  The guardian also hates Roan.  Finally, curiousity wins out.  “What’s the guardian’s problem with us?”  Natalia asks.  I mean, who would hate a good-doer like Roan?

“Well, he’s one of the conscripts that was with you two when you were fighting Mushroostopheles in the graveyard,” Raelan shrugs.  “He blames you guys for him dying.”

Oooooh.  One of the conscripts, one of those puking up their internal organs.  Not that it was our fault, but I could at least understand his bitterness.  Hard to be logical when you’re literally puking your guts up.

Enough gossip.  We head down the road going south from town.  And, finally, when Jim has me roll for encounters, I finally get one!  Jim says we hear fighting  ahead, see some trees moving around.  We take a peek.  It’s another hill giant, although this one, oddly enough, is well-geared and wields a studded club.  And hey!  It’s that group of travelers from before, in the 7th game, the one that was fighting hill giants then, too!  The dwarf, Reneat (pronounced “Renee,” by the way), sees Natalia and waves.  She waves back.

His party doesn’t seem as pleased to see the rest of my party, though.  In particular, Reneat’s wizard and Raelan won’t take their eyes off each other.  It’s not in a lovey-dovey way, though.  It’s in the “I know you’re going to kill me” way.  Although, now that I think about it, that sounds remarkably like a lot of marriages I know about.

Reneat nods Natalia over to the side.  She jogs over to meet him.  Reneat wants to compare quests, just to make sure that we’re not stepping on each other’s toes.  They are trying to find out about hill giants that are organizing to take over the cities.  I tell him about the myconid drug-smuggling ring, the fire elemental, and the letter written in Gnomish that we got off the fire giant we had killed.  “Do you read Gnomish?” I finally ask.

“Sure!  Mind if I see that letter?”

Natalia hands it over.  Reneat reads it and frowns.

“Are you familiar with thieves guilds?” Reneat asks.

Out of character, I confirm with Jim that they’re run similarly to the mafia.  Once I do, Natalia confirms that, yes, she is familiar with thieves guilds.

Reneat remarks that the letter is written in thieves cant, some kind of code.  He can make out some of it, though.  He says the gist of the letter is about how someone kind of high up in one of the towns is being watched, and that they will assassinate him if he gets too close to…something.  We don’t know what.  But something that someone’s hiding.  The person being watched sounds like they have military aspirations–

“Julium,” Natalia says suddenly, startling Reneat.  When he looks up, she explains who he is.  Reneat nods, agreeing that it does sound like Julium is the target.  Furthermore, based on Reneat’s translation, it sounds like the intended reader of the letter is none other than that rude gnome Rosco, from way back, the one that hangs out with Creepy Lady, aka Virbéné.  Well, well, well.  Small world.  Or forest.  Whatever.

Since Reneat helped Natalia out, Natalia gladly returns the favor when he asks which town a psionist lives in.  In their quest, they have an insider among the hill giants that knows that they’re planning on attacking either Devies or Stilldale.  “But hill giants are afraid of psionicists.  So we figure if we plant that information to them, then they’ll hit the town without the psionicist.”

“Increasing the odds of you guessing which town they’re going to attack from 50% to 100%,”  Natalia concludes.

Reneat nods.  “We’ll ambush them outside of town.”

Sounds like a good plan, but right now, the best plan is to get our people apart.  Raelan and the other wizard are standing toe to toe, looking at each other menacingly.  I’m afraid a fight will break out–you know wizards and their duels.  Gurgor, on the other hand, doesn’t look very interested in the other party at all.

Natalia goes back to Grugor and Raelan; Reneat and his guys head off.  “I not trust that dwarf,” Grugor says, watching Reneat walk away.

“Why?” Natalia asks, surprised.  “He seems nice enough.”

“He crazy.  He just attack hill giant.”

“Grugor, I’ve seen you just run off and attack hill giants,” Natalia says.

“But me half-orc.  Him dwarf acting like he an orc.  Him crazy.”

I guess I can see his point.  Regardless, we keep going.  Finally, we call it a night and set up camp.

Bracell the 21^st 

We get up and decide to keep going south.  Roll for encounter!  Again, I get lucky and hit one.  Up ahead, we see three caravans.  The first driver pulls over, asks us if we need anything, since, you know, we’re standing in the middle of the road.

This is a perfect opportunity, since the “fire-breathing dwarves” have been attacking caravans going into town.  We update the driver on the attacks and ask if we can go along with.  We’re even willing to walk alongside the caravans, since there’s no room to sit on them.  The drivers agree, and so we head back north, walking next to the caravans.  Jim has me roll for encounters.  Score!  For us, anyway.  Turns out not to be so good for the drivers.

We hear a rumbling.  Suddenly, there are four bronze creatures that, yes, do look like dwarves, springing up from the ground and surrounding the caravans.  I later find out they’re something called Azers.  They wear no clothes save the gladiator “skirt/kilt” thingy made of metal.  Where their beards, eyebrows, and hair would be, there are flames.  Like they weren’t bad enough on their own, they have creatures on their backs.  Jim has me rolls a Knowledge of Nature (or was it Wilderness Lore?) check, and when I succeed, he says that Natalia knows these are Ash Rats, although she’s not sure why they’d be on the Azers’ backs.

One of the Azers hurls a javelin at Raelan and impales him with it.  Jim cringes when he rolls for it and sees that Raelen takes full damage.

Next, it’s the Ash Rats’ turn.  They blow fire and immediately take out all three drivers. Well, they didn’t last long.  They weren’t the only ones in the line of fire, either, as both Beta and Tango take 3 points of fire damage themselves.

Finally, my turn!  I get to use a spell that I’ve never used before, Ice Storm.  I’m still trying to get my head wrapped around the idea that I have to roll for two types of damage, one being impact, the other cold.  I roll an 8 and a 7 respectively.  The Ice Storm spells kills the Ash Rats outright.  Two of the Azers get hurt, but the other two aren’t hurt at all.  In fact, they don’t even seem impressed.

Beta and Tango go at it.  Beta misses, but Tango manages to crit and kill one of the Azers.  Another Azer from up front attacks Natalia, swinging at her with his warhammer.  And it’s HOT.  I guess that’s not surprising, but Natalia takes 8 points of damage for that.

Grugor starts doing his barbarian thing on one of the Azers.  Two others run up at Natalia to attack her, but Grugor is a Devoted Defender (some sort of prestiege class), which allows him to swap places with whomever he’s defending and take attacks of opportunities where others would not normally be allowed.   Jim describes him spinning Natalia out of the way and taking her place, much like partners would do-si-do in a square dance.  But that’s where the quaintness stops as Grugor starts hacking at Azers.

Raelan gets over being impaled (big baby, heh) long enough to blast Magic Missiles in an Azer.  We’re down to one now.  Just to see if it would work, Natalia yells, “HALT.”

The Azer stops.  To my surprise, it can speak English.  Er, I mean Common.  “Yes?”  It asks.

And so begins the questioning.  Natalia marches up to the Azer.  “You can either die or talk to us.  Do you want to die?”

“I’d prefer not to.”

“What are you?”

“An Azer.”

“Ooooh, so that’s what one looks like,” we hear Raelan murmuring.  Natalia looks at him questioningly.  “I’ve heard of them before, but I’ve never seen one, ” he explains.  “They’re summoned by either wizards or clerics.”

That, at least, narrows down the list of suspects.  “Who summoned you?” Natalia asks.

“I cannot say.”

I look at it suspiciously until Raelan says, “That makes sense.  If he’s been summoned, then he probably isn’t allowed to say.”

Natalia decides to try to work around this.  “Okay, fine then.  Where were you summoned?”  HA.  TAKE THAT.

“Northeast from here, in the mountains, in some kind of shrine or temple,” it answers.

Okay, I’ve no idea where that is.  So much for my brilliant idea.  Natalia asks it if it has anything to do with the fire elemental, and it says no.

How discouraging.

Now the Azer and Natalia are staring at each other.  Natalia isn’t sure what to do next.  Kill it?  If she lets it go, won’t it just keep attacking caravans?  “I’d ask it if it’s going to keep doing what it’s doing, but it’s not like it’s going to tell me the truth,” she says aloud.

Raelan shrugs.  “Why not?  Azers don’t lie.”

“They don’t?”  Natalia turns back to the Azer.  “Uh…if we let you go, are you going to keep attacking caravans?”

It looks her in the eye.  “Yes.”

“Oh.”  She pauses.  “Well, then, we’re going to have to kill you.  Nothing personal.”

The Azer shrugs.  And combat resumes.  Tango quickly kills the Azer, and then Beta goes about burying the drivers as best as a wolf can manage while Raelan sets to cutting pieces of the Ash Rats for spell components.  “Man, I’d like to get my hands on some live Ash Rats.”

Natalia and I are both suspicious of this comment.  “Why?”

“To teach it stuff, of course!”

That doesn’t sound so bad.  Natalia says, “Raelan, remind me sometime, when we’re not busy, to help you with getting an Ash Rat.”

He quickly agrees.  After he’s done, we track scorch marks from the Azers as far as we can before camping for the night.  Both night watches are uneventful.

Bracell the 22^nd

When we wake up, Natalia casts Greater Magic Fang on the wolves and we set out.  On the very first roll, I get an enounter.  Grugor sniffs and comments that he smells smoke.  Then he yells, “AMBUSH.”

Grguor takes a step back so he’s in line with Natalia.  Ahead of them, there are four more Azers lined up, all with Ash Rats on their backs.  Behind them, there is a much larger Azer, which is carrying a horn.  In my notes, I call him Big Azer, or (appropriately enough), “B.A.”

Natalia casts Ice Storm again.    Once again, it takes out all the Ash Rats instantly.  Jim then tells me that B.A. “toodles” on his horn (I found his verb choice very amusing), that he gets a 19 on his perform check, and it causes the other Azers to come running and screaming at us like madmen.  I kind of raised an eyebrow when I heard Jim mention something about a perform check.  I don’t know a lot about D&D, but I’ve gotten to the Bard section of Jim’s 3e handbook to know that a perform check sounded…well, bardish.  (Turns out that I was right.)

One of the Azers try to attack Natalia, but Grugor switches places with her and kills that guy easily, then cleaves and kills another one.  You know he totally would have gotten the girls in high school.  Either that or expelled.  Not sure which.

Raelan puts Magic Missiles in an Azer that’s nearby Tango.  Grugor goes off and kills another, Natalia whips out her scimitar and goes to work, as do my wolves.  Finally, it’s just us verus B.A.  B.A. blows its horn again, and Tango and Natalia are the only ones that make their will saves.  What does this mean?  It means that everyone else is freakin’ BLIND, and on their turns, they’re either rubbing their eyes or stumbling around.

Great.

Natalia tries another spell she hasn’t tried before: Creeping Cold.  But, sadly, I cannot overcome B.A.’s spell resistance and it doesn’t do any good.  In fact, he does another little ditty on his horn and heals himself up some.  Jim says Natalia notices right then that B.A. has some sort of rank insignia engraved in its arm.  Tango tries to get at B.A. but misses as well.  Natalia goes after it with Creeping Cold again, but luckily, this time, it works!  Jim says that even though it’s almost immediately dispelled by the fire, it’s obvious that the spell is hurting B.A.

Finally, people are coming to.  Beta is no longer blind but pissed.  He runs up to attack B.A. but misses.  B.A. stumbles back, blows his horn again, and we all have to make fortitude saves.  This time, Tango fails and is stunned.  Raelan snaps out of his blindness around now and blasts more Magic Missiles into B.A.  Natalia turns into a tiger, I roll well, and we SHRED B.A. to pieces.

The Azer disappeared to wherever Azers go, but he did leave some good stuff behind.  We divvied up the loot: A set of bracers, 2 sets of full plate mail, a large steel shield, and a chainmail sack with 10 gold piece gems and 1413 gold inside.  Raelan theorizes that B.A. was either paid with that or it looted it off of people that the Azers were attacking.  Oh, but one thing to note:  All the items are magical.  Now that’s interesting.

Sadly, this is where we had to end game, not because we were on a particularly interesting stopping point, but because yours truly was about to fall asleep sitting up.  Total XP for the day?  A measly 1,533.  So Natalia didn’t get to level 10.

Yet.

Welcome back with Part 10 of “Homebrewed,” the on-going D&D campaign that Jim is running for me.  I’d do a recap of the last game, but it was so short, it would almost be faster to just read the whole damned post here.  But enough of the introductions.  Let’s jump into the game, shall we?

Bracell the 12^th

The game opens up on a new day with Natalia at home in her partially-built treehouse.   And I’ve been a good gamer this week.  Well, kind of.  I still don’t think I come with the kind of elaborate plans that Jim would like me to have, but this week, I did decide that Natalia would be at her partially-built treehouse thinking about a subject that I had almost forgotten: Chenestes.

We were investigating it, then got caught up with other things, and…what were we looking for?  I don’t know about Natalia, but I have a horrible memory.  But seeing the hobgoblin cult—you know, the ones that worship the demi-god and kill undead?—brought Chenestes back to the foreground in my mind.  But I don’t remember much.  I remember strange writing on coins and armor.  So I tell Jim that Natalia is going to visit Raelan about this.  I’m hoping that Jim will be impressed that I had an idea how to start the game this week, and really (and secretly) hoping that Jim-as-Raelan will remind me why I wanted to learn about Chenestes in the first place.  Because, you know.  I forgot.

And this is why I would not make a good detective.  Oh, I can solve things—ask Jim about how well I predict endings of movies—but only if the clues are given to me in a short enough time period so that I won’t forget them.  Otherwise, forget it.  It ain’t happenin’.

So Natalia ventures off.  And, of course, my slave driver/boyfriend/DM has other plans for me.

Natalia is gallivanting off in the woods towards Raelan when she runs into a fire elemental.  It’s not even paying much attention to Natalia, but what it is doing is making a mess.  Must be a boy fire elemental.  It’s going from tree to tree, touching each one, and causing each to burst to flames.

OOOOH.  Fire elemental, welcome to burning druid hatred!  I imagine Natalia channeling Sailor Moon when she’s up against a foe: “In the name of the moon, I will not forgive you!”  Except Natalia doesn’t have a tiara.  Poor Natalia.  Because every girl should be able to throw headgear like a boomerang at annoying people and then wear their weapon like a crown.  But I digress.

I have a hunch that it’s not going to work, as I didn’t exactly plan for fire-based creatures in my stroll, but I try casting Entanglement because I took, like, three of them, and I figured if it didn’t work, it’s not like I can’t use it later.  Unsurprisingly, it just burns away on the fire elemental.  Hey, I told you I was new at this stuff; don’t judge.  So I decide to turn into a tiger and attack it, although I’m not sure how Natalia is going to attack it and not get hurt.

Guess what?  She doesn’t!  She doesn’t not get hurt that is.  God, I’m a moron.  The cool thing about tigers is that you get three attacks: Two claws and a bite.  That also means two burnt paws and a burnt mouth.  Did I mention that Natalia’s intelligence is still at an 8?  Did I mention that sometimes, I think mine is, too?

I get hurt so bad that I actually run away from the fight, something I almost never do.  The fire elemental doesn’t chase me, so Natalia keeps him in sight and heals up.  Jim says the fire elemental sees Natalia but isn’t concerned.  Fire elementals are dumber than Natalia, apparently.  Jim explains that the fire elemental isn’t concerned with Natalia because she’s a human, and hell, it was a tiger that attacked him before.

I still can’t let this fire elemental go around creating forest fires.  What would Smokey say?  So I announce to Jim that Natalia is prepping Call Lightning and following the elemental around until the spell is ready.  Finally it is.  Beta and Tango attack, I summon Call Lightning on the elemental’s ass, and it finally drops.  Beta drops, too, because, uh, I failed my spellcraft check and he got caught in the area of effect of my spell.  Oops.  Sorry, Beta!  Luckily, he’s only unconscious and not dead.  The fire elemental, however, is not coming back.

But now I have a mess on my hands.  The fire is raging.  I try conjuring water and manage to put out one single tree.  Shit!   Worthless spell.  And I can’t think of anyone who can really help or who would even really care that much except for…well, other druids.

If you recall, I dislike most of the other druids in this place.  However, some grudges have to be set aside for the greater good.  Still, I’m going to go first to the one and only druid that I’ve met so far that isn’t a complete douche: Gury.

Natalia changes into an eagle and flies to where she last remembers seeing Gury.  It’s not hard to find him.  I mean, naked old men are hard to miss, not matter how much you would like it to be the case.  Natalia quickly spots him sunbathing in the nude, lands, transforms back into a human, and tells him what’s happening.

Gury summons a hawk to go check out the area she’s pointed out.  Then he asks her if she knows a group of people.  Wizards and barbarians won’t help here.  “The myconids?” she says.  “They’re living underneath my treehouse.”

“Myconids would be perfect,” he says.  “Go grab them.  We can do a chain to use the nearby creeks to put out the flames.”  Natalia and Gury agree to meet where the fires are.

So Natalia transforms back into an eagle in order to hurry home and get the myconids, who quickly agree to help her.  She leads them back to the fires.  The fires have gotten worse.  Jim says that other druids are starting to show up.  A black hawk lands nearby and transforms into…guess who?

That god-awful elf Natalia ran into so many games ago, back when she was naïve enough to think she wanted to meet other druids.  He’s the son of Vueliss, the leader of the Spruce Circle.  And he’s still a dick.

“What did you do?” he demands, getting right into Natalia’s face.

“What I did was stop the fire elemental that started this,” Natalia shoots back.  Like she’s going to take shit from this stupid elf.

Gury says, “Iverrias, shut up and help.”

More and more druids are showing up, summoning water elementals to help extinguish the flames.  Some of the druids, Natalia notices, are a mishmash of animal parts.  Weird.  The myconids are at work, too.  Among the crowd is a gray render, and luckily, one Natalia isn’t fighting.  This one is attached to a druidic child and is taking his orders to help out.

Natalia notices another elven druid nearby.  He’s darker than most of the other druids.  Jim will later tell me that he’s a rock druid and has more of a red skin tone.  He’s covered in tattoos and piercings.  (To which I immediately say, “Ew.”)  Anyway, this elf is dancing around like a lunatic, but the fires are starting to die down wherever he’s at.  Soon, druids start pointing to the sky.  A massive hawk appears with two smaller ones behind him.  He lands and transforms into the oldest elf Natalia has ever seen.  He’s huge.

He’s obviously Vueliss, the leader of the Spuce Circle.

Vueliss orders everyone into a circle.  Natalia obliges.  Jim asks me if Natalia is willing to sacrifice a spell to help the druidic circle magic.  Natalia is more than happy to; Spring is a little more grudging about it.  My spells!  My precious, few spells!

The sky begins to darken and thicken.  Finally, it begins to pour.  Natalia has never seen it rain so hard.  People around her are cheering as the flames are dying down.  The child druid is clapping.  His gray render cheers along with him.

The red-skinned elf come up to Natalia.  “Are you Natalia?”

“Yes.”  I imagine Natalia looking at him suspiciously.  Even if I hadn’t rolled for a distrust of elves on the What Went Wrong table after Natalia was killed and resurrected, I think she would be suspicious of him just because he’s part of the Spruce Circle.

Whatever suspicions she has, he doesn’t seem to notice.  He introduces himself as Nieiumao, thanks Natalia, and tells her she did the right thing.  Not everyone agrees, though.  Vueliss comes up and starts accusing Natalia of starting it.  Before Natalia can defend herself, Iverrias also jumps with the accusations as well.  Nieiumao quickly comes to her defense, arguing with the two of them in Elven.

So, obviously, I have no idea what was said.  But I do find out that Iverrias thinks that either Raelan has something to do with the fire elemental or that Natalia summoned it and it got loose.  After more arguing, Iverrias finally spits at Natalia that she better find out who did summon that elemental.  If she doesn’t, they will assume that it’s Raelan and kill him.  She has until the autumn festival to find out.

Good god, everyone wants to kill Raelan.  These stupid elves with even make up stories to have an excuse to do it.

Another little source of tension: During all this, Vueliss notices that the myconids are with Natalia and gets angry, stating they should be with the Circle.  He tries to control them.  Natalia does her Plant Dominance thing on them, and the myconids purposely fail whatever check it is that keeps them from getting dominated by her, as they’d rather be in her services than Vueliss’s.  This, of course, make Vueliss even angrier.

Nothing like pissing off the head of the Circle Jerks.

Before Natalia takes off, Nieiumao tells her that, for the record, he doesn’t think Raelan had anything to do with the fire elemental either.  Turns out Nieiumao was one of the druids who had helped Raelan, helped him set up his tower so nobody but druids could find him.  Hm.  Maybe this elf isn’t half-bad after all.

Natalia turns into an eagle and flies over to Raelan’s.  She knocks on the door.  To her surprise, the door doesn’t make an announcement of any kind anymore.

“You removed it?” she asks when he answers the door.

“Of course,” Raelan says.

Natalia and I both feel a little proud that Raelan has finally reached the level to remove the spell on the door and a little saddened that we will not be able to hear the door booming about how it wasn’t taking apprentices.  Oh, we all grow up so fast…

Raelan interrupts our thoughts here, inviting Natalia to come down into the basement.  He wants to show her something.

I feel suspicious.  “Uh…do you have another familiar?  Because I already pet your familiar.”

Jim/Raelan looks surprised.  “What?  No!”

So Natalia follows.  On the way, I get Raelan caught up to speed on who wants to kill him this time, what we need to do to get him out of it.  But for now: Let’s see what’s in the basement.  It turns out that our old friend Al’Nobor, and he’s been summoned there to do transactions with Raelan.  Raelan finishes his transaction with Al’Nobor—turns out he was selling leftovers from that dragon we killed—and then Al’Nobor asks Natalia if she’s interested in anything.  She really only wants to know if there’s anything that can help them find out who summoned the fire elemental.  Sadly, Al’Nobor has nothing that could help her with that.

He does, however, have an interest in trading druidic spells.  I trade him a scroll of Spiked Stones for one of Creeping Cold.  Woot!  New spells!

I love getting new spells.  As Natalia, I’m as bad about loving to learn new spells as Paige and Lucas in Kelley Armstrong’s Women of the Otherworld series.  (If you’ve never read any of those books, I’d highly recommend it—especially Dimestore Magic and Industrial Magic.  They’re fun.)

Raelan invites both Natalia and Al’Nobor to dinner.  Natalia asks Al’Nobor if he knows anything about Chenestes; particularly, she wants to know what he knows about any connection between Chenestes and undead.  Al’Nobor doesn’t know much, but he does know of a Chenestic sorcerer.  He suggests if Natalia would like more information about Chenestes, she should check with Trevaen, the Wizard of Portals.  Natalia wonders aloud if Julium has considered using a portal to get into Facet to take over—yeah, Natalia’s brain jumps from one subject to another a lot, shut up—but Raelan quickly poo-poos that idea, stating that teleportation doesn’t work there.

Then we start talking about that letter, the one with the symbol, that Jim made as a game-prop, the one that spurred the investigation behind the dragon and the evil myconid drug ring.  I—er, “Natalia”—stayed quiet as Raelan and Al’Nobor discuss the dragon council.  No small feat for Jim, who is role-playing both of them.

If you’ve read any of my other posts (specifically, this one), then you might remember Jim getting frustrated because I didn’t really ask much about the draconic council.  This is where he finally had one of them go, “I don’t think Natalia knows anything about the dragonic council.  Natalia, you can ask questions, you know.”

I don’t think it’s a good thing when the DM all but has a neon sign saying HINT HINT HINT, telling you what you’re supposed to be asking about.

We discuss the dragonic council and their make-up a little bit and decide to head to bed.  (Separately, of course.  Don’t be perverted!)  Before we head to bed, Raelan tells Natalia he’s going to make her a Sure Strike weapon.  WOOT.

Bracell the 13^th

When Natalia wakes up, Raelan is already hard at work at his table, making her weapon.  We’re bored, so I tell Jim that Natalia is going to start investigating the fire elemental crap on her own.  She turns into an eagle again and flies to the area where she had found him.  Once there, she uses a spell to talk to some trees in the area—the ones that aren’t too badly damaged, anyway–to see if they’ve seen anything.  The one she speaks to, of course, can’t give great information because, you know, it was too busy being a tree to be a detective, but it tells her that it saw something short riding in on a lizard spitting fire.  Natalia goes back to Raelan’s to share this information, but he’s too busy to discuss it with Natalia.  You know how guys are when they’re too damned busy playing with their weapons.

And you know why some guys will always be single.

Screw Raelan.  Natalia’s gonna go to Stilldale and see if Julium has any answers.  So she heads that way, hunts him down, and he confirms he’s heard some strange reports.  Julium tells her that caravans from Devies carrying orphans went missing, and another caravan from the south was attacked.  Only one man escaped with his life, and he was burned. 

“The man says it was fire dwarves,” Julium concludes.

“All right!” I say.  Natalia and I are pumped.  We got a witness!  “I’m gonna go talk to him.”

“He cannot be trusted,” Julium says.  “He’s a drunk.”

Drunks can’t be trusted?  Since when?  I mean, sure, not with your drink, but…

Julium interrupts our thoughts, stating that the caravan came from the same direction that the tree said it had seen its fire-breathing lizard with the short rider.  I want to go investigate something, but Julium puts a damper on my fun, telling me/Natalia that he has people looking into it.

“Why don’t you work on your treehouse until Raelan’s done with your scimitar?” he suggests.

Hmph.  Fine.  I’ll go home.

Bracell the 15^th

This is the day that Grugor and Natalia finally FINISH THE TREEHOUSE, BITCHES.  And it’s awesome.  And it’s not a moment too soon.  The night we finish is the night of the undead, and Grugor says it’s not a good night to go out.  Hey, if a bad ass half-orc barbarian is telling me it’s too dangerous to go out, then I’m listening.  If only I had him around that time I got mugged.

At any rate, this is the night those Not-So-Evil-After-All Hobgoblins go around killing undead for their little religious thing they’ve got going on.  The way to prove you’re living is to make goblin lanterns, which Grugor and Natalia do.  (Methinks that Jim lifted a bit from the origins of Halloween traditions, but sometimes, history is a good thing to repeat.)   Jim says that once the two finish their goblin lanterns and set them out, they notice the full, orange moon rising—the Autumn Moon.  Grugor and Natalia climb into the treehouse, roll up the lantern, and play a game of Dead Man’s Bones (or something to that effect) using, yes, bones that Grugor keeps with him.  (Like I asked why he had them.) 

Once during the night, Grugor and Natalia hear a horn nearby.  They see an undead running past her treehouse, with the religious Hobgoblins at its heels.  Grugor explains to Natalia that when these Hobgoblins find an undead, they blow horns before attacking them.

Jim tells me that for the rest of the night, Natalia hears horns blowing all around her at varying distance.  It’s a little disturbing to think about.  Suddenly, dead man’s bones don’t seem so bad.

Bracell the 16^th

Natalia is eager to get this party started.  She turns into an eagle and flies back to Raelan’s.  Once there, Raelan has a surprise for her.  No worries, it’s a non-pervy one, but it’s one very cool although kinda gross.  (Well, if you’re a vegetarian like I am in real life who tends to shy away from animal products.  But my druid doesn’t!)  Anyway, not only did Raelan finish Natalia’s scimitar, he also made her some dragon armor!  Jim describes it as black and badass looking.  Okay, he gave a better description than that, but that’s what I remember him saying.

Now, I might avoid wearing things like leather when I can in real life, but dude.  I think I’d make an exception for dragon.  I mean, there’s bragging rights there, i.e. “I kicked that dragon’s ass so hard, I’m wearing him for a slipper!  Seriously, look, I’m wearing dragon-hide slippers…”

Okay, I didn’t get the slippers, but I’m grateful for the armor because it’s awesome.  It’s lighter than my old armor and way cooler-looking.

Raelan also shows her a brain in a jar that he’s using to…learn stuff, I think.  Hey, it’s been a couple weeks, I barely remember.  I do remember him saying that it was pieces of various brains and that it was evil.  I warn him to be careful, but I’m not too concerned.  For all his goofiness, Raelan’s smart and seems to know what he’s doing.

While all that’s cool—c’mon!  Party to start!  We need to find out who brought the fire elemental before the elves decide that Raelan’s guilty and kill him!  Raelan quickly focuses back on this once Natalia reminds him of this, and he suggests seeing Roan to find out if perhaps an evil cleric of Scorce is in town. 

Natalia doesn’t waste much time.  She transforms back into an eagle and flies back to Stilldale.  During her last trip, Julium had mentioned that people were shying away from her not because she’s a druid—most seem to have gotten over that—but because they thought she was pissed off at them.  He had explained that as the “local witch,” they had expected her to bless the crops on the last holiday, and when she didn’t, they assumed she was angry with the town.  Well, of course Natalia didn’t bless the crops.  She had no idea she was supposed to. 

I’m sorry, Natalia, but your player is retarded and had no idea either.

So Natalia makes sure that she blesses the crops on her way in.  A guard comes over when she’s done and tells her that the Lord Renger wants to talk to her.  She notices the guard still doesn’t look her in the eyes.  Jim told me why, but I can’t remember.  I’m sure he’ll tell you guys why in the comments. 

At any rate, we find Lord Renger.  He tells us of another caravan attack and asks for Natalia’s help.  Hell, yeah.  We check in with Roan, who says she doesn’t know of any evil clerics in town.

And, finally, Natalia gets to get her party started.  Really.  I formed a party with Raelan and Grugor, and we start scouting the road between Stilldale and Devies.  In fact, we did it a couple of times.  But we didn’t find much, the day was over, and we set up camp.  Feeling like mighty big LOSERS, I might add.

Some party.

Bracell the 17^th

We walk all the way to Stilldale, but there’s no encounters.  Zip.  Nada.  Damn it.  We head back out again, sure that we missed something, and yay!  Encounter!  Jim says we see something with different body parts stitched together.

“It’s a flesh gholum,” Raelan yells.  “Attack!”

So we do.  Natalia tries a Flame Strike on it, but it does nothing.  Raelan yells that it has damage reduction.  Well, sure, why not, what doesn’t?  Someone could ass rape some of these NPCs, and they’d never blink an eye.

Beta and Tango manage to get the thing down, although they don’t do any damage to it.  There’s some scuffling, but in the end, it’s Grugor that brings the bastard down.  Which, while good, really doesn’t help us because this thing offers no clues regarding the missing caravans that may or may not be related to what set off the fire elemental in the forest.

Disheartened, we spend the night in Devies.  Natalia tries to do the typical girl thing by consoling herself with shopping.  She goes and looks for wands.  It doesn’t work.  They’re all too damned expensive, so she goes back to the inn, wandless, and tries to not think what Freud would have to say about that.

Bracell the 18^th

Natalia starts the day by casting Greater Magic Fang on both Beta and Tango.  We tend to forget to do that a lot, so I figure if I do it first thing, it can only be a good thing.  I also prep Call Lightning, something else I tend to forget to do.  So now I’m all prepped, pumped, and ready to pummel!  (As Natalia, anyway.  As Spring, I can barely muster the courage to look at another insurance claim sometimes.  Blech.)

Now, I’m glad I did the Boy Scout thing and prepared myself because as soon as I get out of town, something flies through the air and whacks Natalia and she loses 7 points of health.  We turn to see three jet black giants.  What’s with giants and picking on little guys?  These giants must be compensating for the not-so-giant—

Grugor charges.  The Giant Little Pricks start clubbing at him because this is the only thing they can beat.  (Hehehe, god, I’m disgusting sometimes.)  At any rate, we roll for everyone, Beta crits, he manages to trip one, Tango goes in, and we eventually finish them off.

Grugor is the one who points out that these giants are actually just children.  Raelan starts going after the corpses for body parts for his spells because, you know, he’s gross.  After he’s done, Grugor says there’s got to be a lair nearby.  He’s right.  The wolves track for the lair.  We follow them and find a cave.  There is smoke pouring out.  Grugor suggests we get on either side of the cave’s mouth and taunt the giant out.

Hmm, sound suspiciously like how Raelan and I attacked the werewolf all those games ago.  I’d weep, get nostalgic, and sing “Memories” if I was that kind of girl.  But I’m not.  I’m the kind of girl who would wear a dragon for a slipper!  If I wasn’t a vegetarian.  God damn morals.  I hate having standards.

Raelan decides he’s going to be the one taunting out front.  Good call.  Raelan is totally a taunter.  I don’t think that’s a word, but it should be.  At any rate, Grugor whispers some nasty suggestions in Raelan’s ear—not of the 900 number variety, of course, but of what he should yell at the giant the cave—and Grugor takes his place.  Raelan starts yelling his obscenities.

Sure enough, a fire giant comes out and goes straight for Raelan.  Apparently, these things have egos the size of their butts.  Don’t they ever think, hmmm, this could be a trick?  NO.  They do not.  Instead, they charge at a dweeby wizard who is smart enough to put some sort of armor protection on himself.

The giant hits hard enough, though, that even his armor protection spell can’t absorb all the damage.  That’s okay, though.  Because we’re surprising the giant, we get partial actions.  Natalia turns into a tiger.  Her bite misses, but her claws don’t.  And if you have a cat, you know that means a lot.

Raelan takes care of BUSINESS with this giant, and Natalia and Grugor go into the cave to investigate.  They hear something and look around.  Finally, they discover that there are two people in a pit.  We rescue them.  It isn’t too hard to figure out what their near-fate is when we also discover small skulls and partially-eaten children.

The people we have rescued, though, are adults.  Their legs are broken and have gangrene.  They try to tell us what they do know, but it’s not much.  All they can say for sure is that the giant had a visitor that spoke in a squeaky voice.

We take a look around and find some loot—and a letter in Gnomish.  Interesting!  But we have to wait until the next game to find out what it’s all about…

 

Welcome to the shortest installment of “Homebrewed.”  Part 8 is here.  Just to recap where we left off: We killed a dragon that attacked Stilldale.  As much as I’d like to say my Natalia pulled her weight, it was Raelan that really shined.  Natalia cut out from the celebration a little early only to come home and find Sorval, Raelan’s master’s former apprentice, waiting for her.  Sorval cast a spell on Natalia to control her and commanded that she help Sorval kill Raelan.  Oh, joy.

Our ninth D&D game was uncharacteristically short and uneventful, so this entry will be brief.  This is in no way Jim’s fault.  I was having one of those days where I was lethargic and couldn’t focus on anything, and no matter how good a DM Jim is, if your one and only player can’t pull herself together, there’s no salvaging the game.

So we scrapped it and watched TV instead.  But, in keeping up the tradition of posting all the “Homebrewed” sessions, no matter how lame, I will document what happened.

Which, really, wasn’t much of anything.

Bluesky the 21^st

 Natalia wakes up in the morning to find that Sorval is still there.  Before Natalia can say or do anything, Sorval says, “Don’t try anything stupid.”

Are you kidding?  Sorval is a higher-level wizard than Raelan, and I–er, Natalia–just saw Raelan kick a dragon’s ass and is probably now using his hide for a hand puppet.  Like I’m going to take on Sorval myself.

“I’m going to kill Raelan, and you’re going to help me, ” Sorval continues.  “But we need to prepare our spells for the day.  So make your list.  But again, don’t even think about trying anything.”

Before we go on, I have to confirm with Jim a few things about this spell that Sorval has used on Natalia.  Natalia is not like a zombie, unable to think her own thoughts.  She feels compelled to kill Raelan while inflicted by the spell, but she can technically refuse–and suffer damage for it.  I then ask if Sorval is going to watch Natalia set up her spells for the day.  He says we would need to be alone to do this, as it requires concentration, so no–Sorval would not be watching.  Of course, that means I will have no idea what spells she’s setting up either.

That’s all right.  Natalia heads off alone, uses that scroll of Remedy Moderate Wounds to cast it on her spell list.  Then she uses the blank paper from the scroll to scribble a note to Raelan, warning him that she was inflicted by this spell and to be prepared.  Then she casts Animal Messenger and summons a bird to take the message to him.

Once the bird is out of sight, Natalia goes back to Sorval.  Sorval is itching to go.  It takes a good day to get over to Raelan’s on foot, but I’m glad.  This will give Raelan time to get people together.  Jim has me roll for encounters.  We get nothing.  Of course.  Any other time, I would get one, but now that I actually want an encounter, everything just as calm and peaceful as I could ever want.

We finally get to Raelan’s.  If you recall, Raelan has something set up to keep his tower from being seen by anyone else.  Because druids helped him set it up, druids are the only ones who can find his tower.  Don’t ask me how Raelan managed to get help from any druids in this set-up, since Natalia seems to be the only druid who doesn’t hate wizards.

Once Natalia brings Sorval onto the property, she can finally see it.  “This is Raelan’s?” she demands.

“Yes.”

She seems annoyed.  “I’ve come by here many times before.  I command that if you have any kind of buffing spells, you do it now.”

Natalia casted Greater Magic Fang on both Beta and Tango.  I hope they get a chance to use it to bite her in the ass.  I also tell Jim that Natalia would have Call Lightning prepped as well.  She tells Sorval she’s ready.  Sorval orders her to knock on the door.

Natalia knocks.

“I’M NOT TAKING APPRENTICES RIGHT NOW…BUT WHAT I AM DOING IS KICKING YOUR ASS.”

“That’s different,” Natalia says.

And, as you can imagine, we enter combat. 

The door flies open.  Grugor rages and charges at Sorval.  Sorval quickly summons a fire elemental and some frog-looking thing.  She points at us–apparently, now Natalia is included in her minions–and orders us to kill Raelan and all his allies. 

Gulp.  Grugor?  My favorite?  Tear. 

Luckily, I don’t have time to see what the effect the spell is going to have on me.  Roan grabs Natalia’s head from behind–Jim says Natalia has no idea where she came from–and Natalia feels the mind control slipping away from her.  Jim describes it as the spell isn’t quite gone, but Roan has cast some protection from evil spell on Natalia.  Which helps a lot.

Oh, yeah.  That bitch is going down.

The next thing we see is Raelan hovering midair.  Show-off.  He slams some copper tube into the ground, causing the ground to explode in a zig-zag fashion, in between us and going toward Sorval, the fire elemental, and Froggie.

(Froggie went a-courtin’ on a fine spring day, uh-huh…Sorry, good memories with that song.)

Okay.  Back to game.  Sorval and the elemental didn’t get any damage from Raelan’s Zig Zag from Hell, but Froggie…well, no courtin’ for froggie.  No one’s marrying his messed-up ol’ ass now.  Didn’t kill him, but it did make him cranky.

Now it’s Natalia.  I tell Jim I want to do Call Lightning before Sorval figures out some way to get around Roan’s Protection from Evil.  And, you know, Call Lightning has some drawbacks, such as you can’t do it very often, but man, when you can do it, you can do a lot of damage.  I roll and do 41 points of damage.  Sorval manages to do well on her reflex save and takes only half damage.  Still, she’s a wizard, so I know even half damage has gotta hurt.

Julium yells out, demanding the Sorval turn herself in.  Ah, always the protector of justice.  And demanding.  We look up and find Julium standing at a window.  He then jumps down.  It’s quite a jump, but Julium takes it in stride.  We’re impressed.  But that’s where it ends.  Julium attacks Sorval, but it seems like there’s an invisible shield around her.

Grugor attacks again, doing his typical major damage.  Sorval, sensing that maybe this wasn’t the best plan she ever came up with, decides it’s time to pull out the big guns.  She casts a spell, throwing her arms in the air.  Ribbons appear everywhere.  But they’re not happy fun May Day ribbons.  They ribbons that slow us down, burn our skin, and blur our vision.  Natalia take much less damage than everyone else, though, because she has her traveler’s cloak, which has some sort of cold resistance.

Jim says that Froggie is pissed off now.  Not just at us.  At Sorval.  The ribbon-thing is hurting her minions, too.  He opens his mouth and bellows the loudest croak.  Jim says it sounds like a fog horn went off next to our ears.  Both Natalia and Beta fail their fortitude saves, so they are “stunned” by this for two rounds.

Really, if Natalia wasn’t stunned by the sheer volume, wouldn’t she be stunned just at the sheer ridiculousness of this scene?  I mean, really–a fog of ribbons and a croaking frog?

Raelan runs into the fog blindly.  Natalia can’t see anything, but she hears popping noises and screaming.  Roan orders everyone to get out of the fog.  Natalia and Beta, of course, can’t because they’re still stunned, so Grugor grabs Natalia and Julium grabs Beta and they run.  After Natalia and Beta come to, everyone walks around the clouds, waits it out, and checks out the dead Sorval lying on the ground. 

Turns out that Raelan, once again, has delivered the killing blow.  What he did–what Natalia couldn’t see–is that he had run up to her blindly, but Jim had rolled a critical hit for Raelan, so Raelan’s Corrosive Grasp burned his hand right through her face.  The popping noises we heard were her summoned minions disappearing.

And, because we’re disgusting, we loot Sorval’s corpse.  To my surprise, she actually has a druidic spell on her, Infestation of Maggots–a spell Natalia doesn’t know.  But she does now, bitches!

This is where the exciting part ends, by the way.  Jim calls for down time.  It’s much needed but not very exciting.  And what did I do?  Make scrolls.  Hey, there’s no X-Box in this neck of the woods.

Natalia is so bored that she scribes scrolls for 10 days.  True story.  And that brings us to…

Scorici the 1^st – Bracell the 1^st

Grugor comes over to Natalia’s and helps her with her treehouse.  We work like crazy.  Jims tells me that during this time, the Solstice has passed, but since it is a time of work, Natalia doing what she should be, anyway.

On the first of Bracell, Grugor stops his work to tap Natalia on the shoulder.  “Mushroom guy,” he says simply.

Grugor is a man of few words.  More men should be like that.  Okay, I’m full of shit–Jim talks a lot, and I actually enjoy that about him since I tend to be opposite.  But I digress.

Natalia looks down.  It’s one of the myconids she saved in the last game.  Like the new king, this guy is also physically growing into his new role of the circle leader.  She jumps down, allows him to spurt his telepathic spores on her (god, I hope nobody uses that line in a bar) and he “asks” her if she’ll let him and the rest of the circle build their home beneath her treehouse.

I find this confusing.  “Why?” I ask.

He explains that the King wants to divide the circle up and spread them out to several circles, so what happened to them last time won’t happen again.  This makes sense.  I verify with Jim that myconids know what they’re doing when digging around underground, that they won’t make the tree cave in or something.  Jim assures me that as a group of people who live primarily underground, they know their shit, and Natalia knows they know their shit.  In that case, Natalia happily agrees.  She’s rather keep them where she can watch out for them, anyway.

After getting her consent, 20 myconids show up and start working on their new digs.  Four of them, though, come over and help Natalia and Grugor on her treehouse.  They don’t talk much, but I’m assuming that’s their way of saying thanks.

Bracell the 8^th

The day we’ve been waiting for!  Well, I have.  Tango has puppies.  6 of them: 5 girls and 1 boy. 

Bracell the 11^th

While we’re working on the treehouse, Jim says that Natalia hears hooves.  She sneaks off to check it out.  There’s a hobgoblin standing next to his horse, looking at a map, then looking around.  He’s clearly lost.

When Jim asks me what Natalia does, I’m at a loss.  Hobgoblins are evil, aren’t they?  Jim says usually, yes.  Hm, usually.  Makes me wonder.  Also what makes me wonder: This hobgoblin is dressed differently, in bad ass looking black armor with red trim.  I decide to give him a shot and have Natalia ask him what he’s doing.  Turns out this hobgoblin speaks Common, and actually, someone in Stilldale directed him to her.  He’s looking for Vaectorfinyairuxo.  Apparently, Vector (as I’ve taken to calling him, along with Gudger the ranger) has some artifact that he lets the hobgoblins use every year for some ceremony.  They’re part of a religious sect who worships a demi-god that returns to the world once a year.  How do they celebrate?  Killing undead.

Sounds okay to me.  Apparently, Vector has moved since the hobgoblins last talked to him, so Natalia gives him directions to his new place.

After that talk, Natalia decides she needs a break from building the treehouse.  Because she had all the downtime to make scrolls, she had made an extra scroll of Reincarnation that he had asked for, the one he is planning on using to create a spell to cast a fetus from one mother to another.

Gurgor needs a break, too, and decides to go with Natalia.  The very first roll I do, I roll a 1.  Roll for encounter: 36%.  Jim tells me that we’re going along when we see a group of deer.  Beta and Tango start getting all wolfy around them.  They clearly want to attack the deer.  Not because they’re evil or anything.  Because, you know, Beta and Tango are wolves and are getting kind of hungy.

I’m about to let it all happen when Grugor nudges Natalia and points.  It’s a Gray Render.  I had no idea what one looked like, so I looked it up later.  Here’s what I found:

Now, this Gray Render thing is something Natalia would know all about, being a druid.  But Spring here works at an insurance company.  All I know how to do is adjust your claims.  And I’m probably not even doing a great job at that.  So, Jim fills me in on the details: Gray Renders can become devoted to someone, including animals, and will go ballistic if anyone hurts them.  This Gray Render is attached to one of the deer.

I call Beta and Tango back.  We try to back off quietly, so as not to spook the deer and set this thing off.  We roll checks on hide and move silently.

Grugor throws a rock at the Gray Render’s head.

My mouth drops.  “What did you do that for?”

“I was trying to distract it,” says Grugor. 

I must have given Jim a Look because Jim-the-DM explains to me that Grugor rolled a 1 on his check.  Critical Failure.  I have to admit, that’s pretty funny.

Grugor and the Gray Render go at it.  This thing is strong.  It picks Grugor up and tries to tear him into pieces.  Natalia’s Flaming Sphere doesn’t seem to be doing the trick, and the wolves miss when their turn comes.  Finally, Natalia summons a Dire Ape, but it’s unnecessary: Grugor crits and takes out the Gray Render.  I find out the hard way animals don’t disappear right away after you summon them, so I’m left a little bit with a hungry Dire Ape.  I feed him (magically summoned) food from my super awesome traveler’s cloak until he finally disappears.

We keep on to Raelan’s.  We only have one other encounter, and that’s with more hobgoblins dressed like the one Natalia saw earlier.  There’s  a brief exchange, but Natalia leaves them alone.   Natalia finally reaches Raelan’s.  The grass where the fog of ribbon was is now all dead.  I make a mental note to try to fix that with some sort of plant growth spell.  Miracle-Gro can suck it.

And this is pretty much where we ended game: With Natalia giving Raelan the scroll and spilling the beans that Virbéné is the one who told Sorval about the secret to finding Raelan’s–which is how Sorval knew to use Natalia to get to him in the first place.  What a bitch.  Granted, Raelan is right:  Virbéné doesn’t really like wizards to begin with, so she probably only told Sorval to get rid of her.  But Natalia is already making plans for next week, and one of her plans is finding excuses to kill Virbéné and some of the other (asshole) druids of the Circle.  Shouldn’t be too hard.

Hey, a girl’s gotta have goals in life.

Aaaaand…“Homebrewed” is back with part 8, after taking a one-week hiatus, as Jim and I have both been feeling overworked and took a much-needed rest last Sunday.  If you need a recap of part 7, as Jim and I both did, here’s a quick summary: Natalia and Julium went to find out who was involved in the drug smuggling that they believed to be connected the murder of an entire circle of myconids.  During the fight, Beta was killed and resurrected the next day.  Even though Beta is back—albeit in a different color—Natalia is starting to worry that the baddies she’s fighting might be getting too strong and that she’s putting her wolves in too much danger, especially after learning that Tango is pregnant.  Oh, and she touched Raelan’s familiar.  He was totally asking for it.

Bluesky the 18^th

Jim and I got our area prepared like we usually do.  Well, not like how when we first started playing our game.  When we first started, we didn’t have a couch, and our bed was in the living room.  We usually made the bed before we played.  Now that we have a couch, we have a new way of getting ready: Jim usually clears the coffee table and breaks out the battle map, while I go into the kitchen to grab drinks and snacks before heading to the bedroom to get my notebook and grab my dice bag.

This particular week, my dice bag had a nice little surprise in it.  I opened it, spilling on my dice on the table.  If you recall from my very first “Homebrewed” post, my dice are red and translucent.  I found some plain red die 8s in my bag.

“Hey, Jim, you got some of your dice in mine,” I said, pushing the dice toward him.

He glanced at them.  “Those aren’t mine.”

“They have to be,” I said.  “Look, they’re not translucent.  They’re solid red.”

“That’s because they didn’t have any matching translucent ones at the store when I bought them for you earlier this week.”

Aw.  My man went to Castle Perilous, bought me extra die 8s because I had complained that I didn’t have enough, and snuck them into my dice bag.  Isn’t that sweet?  This little surprise came with a nice bit of nostalgia:   The first gift Jim had ever bought me, not even a month into our dating, was my dice bag along with all the dice I would need.

He’s the sweetest.

Onward into the “guts” of our D&D session:  So one game ago—two weeks ago now, if you can remember that far back—Julium had asked Natalia to meet him in Stilldale at noon, Bluesky the 18^th.  And Natalia, being the goodie-goodie two shoes that she is, arrives there promptly.  Again, because her wolves aren’t exactly welcome in town, Natalia leaves them just outside of town and finds Julium in the guardhouse.

Julium seems genuinely pleased to hear that Beta has been resurrected.  He also is pleased to tell Natalia that he has found some information regarding drug ring.  Drugs have been coming into Devies primarily through one man named Krislos.  A couple years ago, he was a low-level thug, but then Krislos branched out on his own and suddenly starting doing very well.  Apparently, someone had contacted him to be someone else’s contact for the whole thing.  Julium says that while nobody in Devies fears Krislos, everyone fears whoever is behind him.

“Here’s where things get tricky,” Julium concludes.  “I have the address.  Do we show up at his place and confront him there or do it elsewhere?”

Well, I don’t go to a lot of sports games—hell, I don’t go to much of anything, as I’m a bit of a homebody—but I do know the power of a little thing called home field advantage.  Natalia quickly rules out going to Krislos’ apartment, but she does agree they should go find him in Devies.  The problem?  Druids are not exactly inconspicuous in this world.  (Remember?  Druids and anything close to nature isn’t trusted in these parts.)  So Julium and Natalia do head to Devies, but once she gets there, Natalia turns into a mutt so as not to draw attention.

Julium and Natalia-the-Dog head to the poorer section of town, complete with strays running around and clothes hanging from lines from windows.  Julium scratches Natalia behind the ears and then points to a door.  Natalia runs over to the door and starts sniffing, while Julium starts asking around about some made-up thing to keep the natives distracted.  Finally, Natalia catches Krislos’ scent and trots back to Julium.  She can tell Krislos has left town, but being in dog-form, cannot convey this information to Julium.  So she just starts jogging away and hopes Julium will figure it  out.

One nice thing about Julium is that he’s really smart.  He doesn’t even seem slightly confused.  Of course, it could be because Spring-the-player is talking all this stuff aloud to Jim-the-DM.  (“ARGH.  Natalia can’t talk!  She’s a DOG, for god’s sake.  Well, Julium is just gonna have to figure it out.”)  Natalia leads Julium to a tavern and paws at the door.  They go up front, make sure nobody is around, and then Natalia pops out of dog-form so that she can talk to Julium.

“We should scope out the place first, see who we’re up against,” she says.  “We don’t want to take on the entire bar.”

Julium agrees.  Natalia pops back into dog form.  Yup, I risked exposure just for that line, and it wasn’t even clever.

We go inside.  I guess the time is before people got all fussy about germs because nobody cares that Julium has a dog with him.  What they are doing, though, is giving Julium wide berth.  Jim explains to me that about 10% of the town’s population is comprised of thieves, and that thief guilds are one of the main employers.  So Julium entering the tavern in officer-type uniform would, naturally, make some people a little nervous.

It isn’t hard to find Krislos.  He’s extravagantly dressed.  I thought Julium would make an attempt to be subtle about what we were looking for, but I don’t think subtly is Julium’s forte, as he just marched right up to Krislos and demanded to know who his contact was.

Krislos, unsurprisingly, isn’t willing to give up that information.  Also not a shocker: He’s quite a dick about it and is patronizing to Julium.  Hm, this guy is awfully cocky for someone alone.  Except he’s not.  Natalia-the-Dog spots two men approaching Julium from behind.  Jim tells me it’s clear to Natalia that these guys are going to jump Julium.

Natalia-the-Dog is not nearly as BA as Natalia-the-CROCODILE!  Yup, we turn into a crocodile.  And, um, suddenly have the whole bar looking at us.  You know, because, apparently, seeing a dog turn into crocodile isn’t something you see every day.  Go figure.

The two men step away from Natalia (“Fuck that, they didn’t sign up to be fighting a crocodile!” Jim says while moving the dice representing their characters on battle map) and attack Julium.  You’d think having a crocodile nearby would have been deterrent enough.  Guess not.  And to Natalia’s surprise, Julium has no idea that the men are nearby, so one of them gets a surprise stab into Julium’s side.

Jim seems surprised that I’m surprised that Julium’s surprised.  It’s shocking all around.  “Well, Spring, his only companion didn’t tell him there were people behind him.  So he was caught flat-footed.”

“How am I supposed to tell him?” I argued back.  “Natalia was a dog!”

“She could have barked or something.”

“Turning into a crocodile wasn’t enough?  That didn’t indicate to him that something was up?”

“Nope.”

Grrr.  I hate you, Jim.

Krislos rolls out of the booth and slashes Julium with a dagger.  Turns out it doesn’t matter that Julium was caught unaware.  He whirlwinds, and unlike the last time he used it, this time, he does some major damage.  At least if you consider killing the two unknown guys in what seems like one fell swoop to be damage.  Death always puts a damper on my day, but hey—maybe I’m special.

I try to do some subdual damage with a massive tail swipe (oh, no, there was nothing Freudian about that comment), but, alas, miss.

At this point, it’s clear that our little bar fight isn’t like the ones on TV where everyone ends up jumping in because they want to be a part of it.  Of course, people on TV usually don’t have a crocodile in the mix.  The people in the bar have wisely cleared out of there.  Krislos, with his two dead buddies and nobody else around to help him, decides now would be a good time to surrender.

So we start getting information out of him:  Krislos doesn’t know who his contact is.  His contact sent minions to get in touch with him.  Furthermore, he can’t tell us more about the minions because they were wearing cloaks.  He assumes they were Zhunese because under the cloaks, the heads were pointed, like whomever was under them were wearing rice hats, like the hats the citizens in Zhun wear; plus, they were short, so he assumes they were either halflings or gnomes. 

He then goes on to show them his drug stash.  He doesn’t know what’s in all of them, but he knows which ones sell best.  Jim rolls a quick check roll for Julium.  He must have rolled well because then, as Julium, he identifies nearly everything in Krislos’ stash.  And then Julium crushes a particularly valuable vial beneath his heel.

Aw, Julium.  You are so cruel.

Krislos tells us that recently, some guys he had sent out made off with his money that was to go to his contact.  Natalia quickly realizes that Krislos is talking about those ogres that had killed Beta—the ones that she let go away with the money.  They were later eaten with the green dragon, Vaectorfinyairuxo, who took the stash for himself.

Anyway, Krislos isn’t stupid.  He knows his contact is going to be mad about not getting that money.  So he sent strangers to the lake on his behalf for the next drop-off.  It’s by a tree, and they should be there any moment.  Julium, true to his word, lets Krislos go after getting the information we needed.  As he’s leaving, Natalia remembers Vector telling her that if she followed the creek to where a conifer is wrapped by a deciduous tree, she would get information about what’s happening to the myconids.  HMMM.

So the two leave Devies and start following the creek called Oxbend.  It takes a little wandering to find this tree (give us a break, it’s not like we had a map for this), but we finally do.  When we arrive, we see a half-ogre in a suit of rusted bandit mail and a gorgeous woman.  They’re meeting with the cloaked minions Krislos had described.  Everyone sees us.

The cloaked figures ready their fists.  The half-ogre see us, glances at the cloaked figures, and yells, “Treachery!”

Oops.  Apparently, each side thinks we’re with the other.  Doesn’t matter that we’re with neither.  We’re in combat.

The cloaked figures go first.  They catch Natalia flat-footed and she gets 2 points of damage.  Jim explains to me that everything feels wrong about them.  They don’t appear strong, but after they do one blow, soon after, it feel like there’s a second one.

“Like a DOT in Warcraft?” I ask.  But I’m just being a brat.  I just like to bring up Warcraft references to annoy Jim.

I succeed.  “NOT like in Warcraft,” he grumbles.

I tell Jim that Natalia is turning back into a crocodile.  She attacks a cloaked figure, snapping one of them in her mouth.  They taste weird, Jim says, like coal, ashes, and fungus.

Everyone else rolls.  Beta kills another little, hooded guy.  Tango rolls a one (critical failure, as I’ve learned) and refuses to attack them—another tip that something is weird about these guys.  Julium kills off the last Hoodie.

The beautiful woman nearby is furious by all this and casts something at Beta.  Jim tells me that I have to make a will save for Beta.  I succeed at the roll, but Jim tells me that Beta yips, as if something is very wrong.

Uh oh.  As usual, the woman is going to turn out to be the scariest of the bunch.

The half-ogre runs in and hit Julium.  Natalia attempts to charge in, but the half-ogre takes an attack of opportunity on her and knocks her back into Beta.  Natalia runs back in and bites.  Beta and Tango have a go at it but both miss.  Julium starts to run in from behind, but the woman casts another spell—and turns Julium into stone.

Shit.  This is not cool.

The half-ogre laughs at Natalia and kicks her back.  Natalia decides to change tactics.  This time, she charges at the woman, bites, and grapples her.  Beta and Tango finish off the half-ogre while Natalia has the woman on the ground.  The woman struggles in Natalia’s grasp, scooting lower, and then reveals a freakin’ snake in her mouth that bites Natalia.  Luckily, I did well on the fort save roll on that one, so Natalia doesn’t suffer any damage from that.  Natalia and the wolves manage to knock the woman out and stop her from bleeding out.  I decided I didn’t want to kill her because she might know more about who is  behind all this turning all this drug/myconid murder stuff.  But she’s scary.  I bind her, gag her, and cover her eyes.  This bitch isn’t gonna do anything.

Unfortunately, my fighter buddy is still stoned.  Literally.  Natalia pads his sword with some  clothing she takes from the dead half-ogre and stuffs Julium in her portable hole.

Not nearly as fun or perverted as it sounds.

Now for a curious part.  Remember in the last game, how Beta was killed and resurrected, and I knew, based on what Jim had told me, that this would mean that something would be “wrong” with him?  Now is where I found out what it was that I had rolled for Beta on that table.  (Which, by the way, is located on Jim’s blog here.)

As soon as Natalia was done looting and stripping the half-ogre, Beta starts rolling over rocks around the half-ogre.

“What’s he doing?” I ask Jim.

“You don’t know.  And neither does Tango.  She’s looking at Beta like he’s gone crazy, too.”

Natalia and Tango watch Beta moving rocks around the half-ogre for a few moments before it dawns on me.  “Beta is burying him?”

Jim laughs.  “That’s what he rolled on the table.  He feels a compulsion to bury the dead.”

“Then why didn’t he bury the little guys?” I ask.

“Because they are not natural.”

And “they,” by the way, are definitely not natural.  They’re also not Zhunese.  The conical shape beneath their hoods were not formed by rice hats but mushroom caps. 

They were myconids.

Evil myconids?  Well, then.  Natalia is gonna need some help.  She dumps a dead evil myconid next to a stoned Julium in her portable hole (sorry, Julium, but them’s the breaks), grabs the bound pretty  woman, and heads to Raelan’s, who doesn’t live too far from here.  Once there, Raelan admits he doesn’t know what the woman is, agrees to help find a way to un-stone Julium, says he’ll get Uliver over to help, and suggests that Natalia stay the night.

Probably hoping she’ll pet his familiar again.  That dirty wizard.

Bluesky the 19^th

Natalia wakes up and heads into the other room.  Raelan and Uliver are already awake.

“A medela!  You brought a MEDELA here!” Raelan says as soon as he sees Natalia.  Raelan apparently has already had his coffee.

Natalia must drink decaf because she asks Uliver, “What’s a medela?”

Uliver explains to Natalia that it’s a priestess who has grossly offended her diety.  He also suggests that she must have been young and not in full control of her powers yet, which is good for us—otherwise, Julium wouldn’t be the only one in a compromising situation.  And by “compromising,” I mean that Raelan and Julium had been using him as a place to put their coffee mugs.  Yes, really. 

Natalia pays Uliver money from the party loot that she got after killing the half-ogre and taking down the medela to use a Break Enchantment spell on Julium.  (The medela, by the way, is now in a dungeon, where Uliver and Raelan plan on using her for potions.  Wizards are really gross.)  Uliver and Raelan take their mugs off Julium.  Uliver casts the spell.  It works. 

Julium comes to.  He gasps.  “That’s a medela!”  He glances around.  “Where am—?  Oh.”

Raelan comes forward.  “By the way…we found this on her.” 

Now, this is the point the game where Jim physically hands me a folded piece of paper.  I look at it.  He has drawn a symbol on the outside of it, clearly meant to be a seal.  “What is this?” I ask.

“It’s a letter.”

“You actually wrote a letter for our game?”  And I don’t know what came over me because I started laughing.  And laughing.  And laughing.  I couldn’t stop.

Jim actually looked a little hurt.  “Why are you laughing?  It’s a game prop.”

I can’t help it.  I didn’t mean to laugh, and I hope I didn’t hurt Jim’s feelings.  It just struck me as so damn funny.  And, also, kind of cute that he can get so into the game as to include a prop.  I open the letter.  (Which, by the way, I’m totally keeping.  I’m also planning on getting Jim some stuff so one day he can make real seals.  Like I said, I found this kind of endearing, and if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.)

Here’s what the letter says:

Krislos:

My shipments to you have, to date, both punctual and potent.   As such, you can imagine my disappointment when my last payment failed to arrive on time.  Aforementioned disappointment was short lived, however.  Now I am merely enraged.

To be blunt, Krislos, you will repay to me every copper lost to this theft…and to guard against a reoccurrence, you will now provide payment for each of your shipments TWO deliveries in advance.

Failure to comply will result in your reassignment from one of our distribution agents, and into, shall we say, the production team.

Ground level production.

The letter was signed with another symbol.

There’s much discussion as to what this symbol represents.  Obviously, it’s a signature, but whose?  Natalia turns into a wolf to see if she can’t catch a scent, but all she smells is Myconids Gone Bad and ammonia.  Which reminds her…she pops out of wolf-form, reaches into her portable hole, and pulls out the evil myconid’s body.  Uliver examines it, talking about a wizard who had mentioned running into “demon mushrooms.”  Raelan also gets excited.  He quickly locates a book and shows it to Natalia.  There’s a picture of an evil-looking mushroom guy with a caption written in Elvish.  Of course, Natalia can’t read Elvish, so Raelan translates for her: “Beware of Mushroostopheles.”

I also find this to be funny but try very hard not to laugh.  Although I think it would have been okay.  Jim seems to find it a little funny, too.

Uliver concludes that the myconids we fought were fiendish myconids.  This explains why they would kill the good myconids rather than eating them or using them to farm mushrooms, since they could do it just as well themselves.

Julium and Natalia agree that given how bad the Myconids Gone Bad smell, they should be able to track them easily and perhaps find where they came from.  So Natalia heals Julium up, thanks Raelan and Uliver for their help, agree to leave him the earrings found off the medela, and head back out toward the twisted tree.

Natalia-the-Wolf, Beta, and Tango all follow the trail down the river.  We find a crappily made raft.  This is where the trail stops.  We cross the river here.  Jim reminds me that we’re now in the dangerous area of the world—the part that Gudger said never to go.  I decide to press on.  We follow the scent into the foothills and into some mountains.  There, we find dead (good) myconid hanging upside down from trees. 

Four of the hanging myconids are still alive, so Natalia cuts them down and heals them up, one by one.  The largest one sprays spores onto her and asks her telepathically why she is helping myconids.  Natalia doesn’t really have a good answer prepared for this, beyond that she doesn’t want this shit going down in her forest.  Once the myconids are satisfied that Natalia truly wants to help, they give her a memory of seeing their king go against Mushroostopheles.  It’s clear their king has no chance against him.

Because we “talked” for too long, we’re spotted by one of the evil myconid and go into combat.   This combat reminds me entirely too much of those martial art films where Jackie Chan is the lone guy in the middle and the bad guys never attack them together (as would be the smart thing to do) but, instead, go at him one-by-one.  That’s because we start with one evil myconid and the others trickle in eventually and—yup—for the most part, attack us one-by-one.  During the combat, Julium and Beta get hit with some Myconid Gone Bad spore-spray.  Gross.  And, apparently, not fun.  Julium and Beta both show signs of hallucinating and Beta even starts attacking Natalia at one point.  Natalia gets annoyed at this point and uses her Plant Dominance feat to sweep some of the myconids under her control.  Unfortunately, this Plant Dominance feat isn’t picky, and it puts some of the good myconids under Natalia’s control as well.  Oops.

Using this, though, she manages to get some of the bad myconids to turn on their bosses that eventually trickle in.  We do a “head” (cap?) count: We’ve had to have taken out the entire ring.  Julium and Beta are still hallucinating.  Julium cries to get the myconid to help cure him.  The good myconid throw something at him, but it doesn’t work.  The evil-but-controlled myconid that’s still alive grudgingly cures Julium at my command.  I then realize that the good myconid are starting to come upon the bad myconid—but he can’t do anything because he’s under my control.

“He’s evil, right?” I ask Jim.

“He’ll always be evil.  No matter what you do.”

“Well, the others are about to kill him.”  I pause.  “I can’t keep him under my control while they’re doing it.  That would be wrong.  He should be able to protect himself.”

Jim seems satisfied with my decision to remove the Plant Dominance from everyone.  The good myconid pummel the evil myconid to death. 

Natalia has barely enough time to heal all injured parties up before they spot Mushroostopheles coming down a winding road from a cave.  The image Jim describes is pretty hideous.  He has a thorny-looking cap.  He has spore-spots on his cap that are actually mouths.  They can all speak, and different languages at that.  Right now, they’re wailing.

We’re quickly back in combat.  Julium charges in, attacks, and we hear a clang as he tries to hit Mushroostopheles.  Quickly, Natalia casts Greater Magic Fang on Beta; both wolves get hit by Giant Angry Mushroom.  Mushroostopheles casts something to make it pitch black around himself.  Natalia turns into a wolf so she can sniff him out.  There’s only a little bit of scuffling before we hear, “Mushroostopheles, you fool.  Drop the darkness.”

And he does.

We hear a voice boom, “Welcome to my home.  You were not invited.”

“And I’m very hurt about that,” Natalia says.  Because, you know, I’m a smart-ass when I’m playing Natalia.

Of course, that is when Jim decides to tell me that I turn around and find that the voice belongs to a black dragon.

The dragon spits black stuff on Mushroostopheles’ cap so that it will spray out like a fountain at all of us.  Beta fails his fortitude save and takes 25 points of damage.

“RUN,” Julium orders.

Good idea.  Natalia turns into a horse, Julium jumps on top of her, and we flee.  Julium is kicking Natalia furiously and guiding her.  The dragons follows above us for a little ways, then looks ahead, and sweeps back around.  Julium rides Natalia-the-Horse back to Stilldale. 

As soon as we get there, he jumps off her, waves his arms, and starts yelling “To arms!  Dragon!  To arms!”  Jim then tells me he starts ordering people around, not noticing me, almost acting as if Natalia really is a horse.

A man comes along and starts leading Natalia toward the stables.  She turns back to her human form and frowns at him.  “Stop that.”

The man looks at her, startled, and then starts making warding signs.  Natalia rolls her eyes.  Meanwhile, people around us are pouring out of the streets, getting ready for a dragon attack.

The Lord Mayor Renger walks towards us.  “Julium, what is the meaning of this?”

“We accidentally stumbled onto a black dragon’s lair.  He chased us, but I started leading him to the waterfall, hoping he had heard the rumors and would turn around.  It worked, but he’ll probably take a detour and be here by tonight.”

“What rumors?” Natalia asks.

“There’s a rumor of another dragon living around the waterfall.  Nobody has seen it, though.”

Oh.  So that’s why the dragon turned around.  Whatever is living in the waterfall scares him.

During all this, Roan has found us.  She suggests we get Raelan, saying that maybe we’d have a chance with him, as dragons at least respect wizards.  She does a Send Message spell and then explains the town’s dragon fighting tactics to Natalia.  Raelan, Uliver, and Grugor appear shortly.  Uliver isn’t sticking around, however, stating that he was just delivering Raelan, and that he lived to become an old wizard by not fighting dragons.

“What about you, Raelan?” Natalia asks.

“Are you kidding?” he says.  “Let’s kill us a dragon!”

Ah, Raelan.  You gotta love his enthusiasm.

Natalia comments on Grugor’s new tattoo on his eye.  The tattoo is from a change in status.  The in-game conversation between Natalia and Grugor briefly turns into a real-life conversation between Spring and Jim about how it makes sense for half-orcs to have tattoos but not so much for bored, white, suburbanites trying to look “punk.”  Thankfully, my guy doesn’t really care much for girls with tattoos, as I’m a girl who probably will never get one.  (No offense to my many friends who have tattoos.  I just hope you like them as much when you’re 70.)

But I digress.  We’re gonna fight a dragon, people!  Although at this point, I didn’t think it was going to happen.  Night falls, and there’s only one light in the town, which is the bonfire in the middle of town.  Natalia and the others are waiting.  Spring, though, is saying aloud, “No way you’re gonna make me fight a dragon, Jim.  Natalia isn’t ready to fight a dragaon.”

Jim hates me, too.  Because he totally is going to make me fight a dragon.  He says we hear its wings beating in the distance.  We see light.  Then we see sparks nearby.  Roan says it’s from the graveyard.  Raelan says that it sounds like the graveyard guardian is fighting.  He had spell-stitched him.

Neither Natalia nor myself knows what that means, but we don’t like what we hear next:  A suggestion that the guardian is fighting Mushroosophecles, who, by the way, can raise the dead.  So we might have to deal with zombies on top of a dragon.  Julium quickly orders Natalia to take someone and go to the graveyard.  Natalia, to Jim surprise, picks Roan.  He thought I’d pick Grugor.

“I love Grugor, but if that mushroom guy has already raised undead or whatever in that graveyard, Roan can do that turn undead thing she does,” I explained.

We head to the graveyard.  Some conscripts go with us.  When we get there, we see Mushroosopheclees laughing.  He’s killed the graveyard guardian.  Damn.  He sprays some horrible stuff at us, and the conscripts immediately start vomiting up their internal organs.

Um.  I think I’d rather fight the dragon.

Natalia tries doing Plant Dominance on Big Angry Mushroom, but she quickly learns that it doesn’t work on everyone.  It doesn’t do a damn thing to Mushroosophecles but piss him off.  His mouths are all yelling in different languages.  Jim tells me that Natalia does understand what the ones speaking Common and Druidic are saying: You dare seek to control Mushroosophecles?  I am not of this world!

Roan tries to hit him and misses.  Natalia does Flamestrike.  Mushroosophecles does appear to have some fire resistance, but since it’s not just natural fire in that spell, it does do some damage.  When it’s her turn, Natalia will also do Call Lightening.  (Unfortunately, Jim and I realized after I prepared my spell list that Call Lightening takes some time to prep.  So Jim allowed a little rewind in time, stating that while Spring-the-Player didn’t know this, Natalia-the-Druid would have and probably would have prepped it on the way to the graveyard.  He swears this isn’t a pass he’s giving to me as his girlfriend, but a pass he’s giving to me as a new player for not knowing her spells that well yet.)

At any rate, Call Lightening is cool.  It took out of chunk of Big Angry Mushroom’s back.  Beta and Tango did the rest.

The conscripts are cussing us out.  Some are dying; others are already dead.  There’s nothing we can do about it.  The ones that are still alive are cussing us out between vomiting their internal organs.  Roan snaps one’s neck, trying to show some mercy.  We run back into town.

Stilldale is a wreck.  Kobolds, orcs, and bugbears have decides to take advantage of the chaos in town and are attacking as well.  Jim says it suddenly occurs to Natalia why Vector wanted her to investigate the drug ring and the death of the myconids:  If there was a new, young dragon sniffing around your territory, wouldn’t you just send others to do your dirty work and kill him for you?

The black dragon is already in town.  As soon as Natalia gets there, he sprays that black stuff.  Natalia and her wolves all fail their will saves, and, just like they were with Vector, they’re shaken by this dragon.  That means -2 to any attack, damage, and saving throws.

Oh, yeah.  We’re gonna die.

Everyone else, though, seems okay.  Grugor rages and attacks.  Julium does his “Imperial Rex!” yell and also jumps in.  Roan tries but misses.  Raelan does something that looks like his attacks were sped up and casts fireball spells.  Around us, the townspeople are letting loose arrows that, quite frankly, aren’t doing a damned thing.

Natalia tries to run in and help.  Beta and Tango attack, but Beta misses, and the dragon sends Tango flying backwards, hurting her badly.

“You dare challenge Vuthalitrix?” the dragon hisses.

“Challenge you?” Raelan yells.  “I’m gonna make a rug out of you!”  He then spins his wand and thrust it into a ground.  The ground explodes into an S-shape underneath the dragon.

Remind me not to piss off a wizard.

This does piss the dragon off, though.  He rears up on his hind legs and spews more of that black stuff.  This knocks Beta out.  Tango is dangerously low on health.  Jim reminds me out-of-character that if Tango dies and resurrected, her pups won’t come back.

I’ve already figured this out.  Natalia orders Tango away, cursing herself for brining a pregnant wolf into this mix.  Natalia is also low on hit points now.  The only one who doesn’t seem to take any damage from anything this dragon throws is Raelan, who, incidentally, seems awfully smug about this fact.

Natalia runs to Beta, heals him up, and has him back off as well.  Too bad—the wolves are a good chunk of Natalia’s fighting abilities, but she doesn’t want to lose them.  I might have to seriously think about giving Beta and Tango some time off until Tango has their babies.

At this point, it seems like the fight is really between Raelan and the dragon.  Raelan seems to be the only one who seems to do much damage to this dragon.  “I’m going to devour you,” says Vuthalitrix.

“Your mother was an iguana,” Raelan shoots back.

Everyone keeps trying to fight the dragon.  Natalia heals Beta up some more on her turn and sends him back in.  He gets hit and loses a lot of points again, though.  Raelan runs in, catches his hands on fire, and touches the dragon, engulfing him in flames.  The dragon swings at Raelan, managing to actually rip his robe.  Then the dragon laughs.

“A stoneskin spell?”   Vuthalitrix says.  “I’m gonna eat you alive.”

Since the fire spells Raelan’s throwing at the dragon seem to be doing well, Natalia tries to do a Flaming Sphere, but she cannot overcome the dragon’s spell resistance and blows the spell.

Raelan tries doing the fiery hand thing again, but Jim rolled two 1s in a row, so he failed.   The dragon swipes his tail.  We hear it break Raelan’s arm, and he goes flying backwards.

Roan runs in and heals Beta up a bit.  The dragon turns around and does the black spit thing again.  Roan is the only one who makes her save now.  Because Natalia has been trying to keep her wolves from dying, her heals were used on the wolves rather than herself.  And she’s already low on hit points.

So Natalia is killed by the black spit.  What a way to go.  Almost as bad as those people who drowned in molassas.

Beta’s druid is down, so he’s going after the dragon, but he keeps missing.  Raelan gets up, shakes himself off—his arm is very clearly broken—and fires Magic Missles at the dragon.  Roan then resurrects Natalia with a spell called Last Breath.

The dragon is dangerously low on hit points himself.  He stumbles around, then gets up, and starts flying away.  Raeland then yells for everyone to watch why you don’t piss off a wizard—and fires a spell that knocks the dragon out of the sky.

Everyone starts cheering.  The dragon is dead.  The townspeople run over to the body and bring it back to Raelan.  “I did it!” he said.  “I killed the dragon!”  With that, the townspeople cut open the dragon’s body and hand the heart to Raelan.  To Natalia’s disgust, Raelan eats it.

Remember Allista, the psionic daughter of the Lord Renger?  She apparently is standing behind Natalia, so she “hears” Natalia’s thoughts and knows that Natalia left home before learning all the customs.  “It’s tradition,” she explains out of what seems nowhere.  “Whoever gives the killing blow eats the heart.  It gives you strength.  From what I understand, it’s not just a rumor, either.  But if you eat it when you haven’t given the killing blow to the dragon, it’s poison.”

“Well, good for Raelan, then,” says Natalia.  “That can only help him.  But it’s still disgusting.”

“My father ate one when he was younger.  He said it was the most delicious thing he had ever eaten,” Allista says.

The Lord Mayor Renger killed a dragon?  That old man?  The one who ran and hid.

She shrugs.  “He wasn’t always like that.”

Jim now announces that I have to roll on the Come Back Wrong table, to see how bad I’m messed up from dying.  I roll a 24%.  Jim looks at the table and starts laughing.  “You know how things just work out perfectly?”  he asks.

“Yes?”  I’m confused.

“Okay,” he says.  “Natalia is now reflecting on being dead.  And while you’re reflecting on this, you’re getting angry.  You realize that if the elves had been doing their jobs, you wouldn’t have had to die.  Furthermore, they’re letting the dragons kill the myconids instead of taking care of it like they were supposed to.  You’re now distrustful of elves.”

I laugh.  We all know how I already didn’t like the elves in Jim’s world.  “Seriously?  That’s what I rolled on the table?”

“The one where you become distrustful of another race?  Yes.  Is that not perfect?”

I have to agree.

Raelan tells everyone that we need to get some sleep and collect the dragon’s loot in the morning.

Bluesky the 20^th

The next morning, everyone heads toward the dragon’s lair.  To my surprise, we find the myconids there, including one of them that I thought I had died in our battle together.  Jim explains to me that I can see that he’s misshapen, and as a druid, Natalia knows that he’s physically growing to become the new king.  He’s got the demonic myconid caps hanging from the trees.  He sprays Natalia with spores.  She allows him to talk to her telepathically.

“The cave belongs to myconids!” he tells her.

“Uh, no,” she says back.

Julium steps up, announcing that we were the ones who killed the dragon, and that the treasure belongs to the people of Stilldale.  The King-to-Be Myconid thinks about it, then agrees—treasure belongs to the people, but the cave is for the myconids.  We’re not about to argue.

He will only let Natalia and Grugor in.  Not surprising, since we’re the “nature” people of the bunch.  We go in, grab the treasure and the dragon eggs that Grugor thinks Raelan will like.  We leave and divvy up the treasure.  Natalia is excited that she got a scroll Remedy Moderate Wounds.  This isn’t a spell that she’s ever known before, but it’s a druidic spell, her level, which means that she has now learned it from the scroll.  Jim says it’s better than some of the other healing spell Natalia currently has.  Yay!

Grugor feels drawn to a sword that, oddly, Roan and Julium seem put off by.  Jim tells me out-of-game something that Natalia will probably not come out in the game: The sword is a sentient weapon with chaotic-neutral alignment.  That would explain why Roan and Julium (lawful alignment) wouldn’t want it and Grugor (chaotic good alignment) would feel drawn to it.

Everyone goes back to town.  There’s a huge party.  Everyone has heard how Raelan pretty much is the one who defeated the dragon.  Suddenly, girls seem to be paying attention to him.  Natalia stays for a bit, but my druid is much like myself and can only take so much party before heading home.

So Natalia heads home.  Now, I haven’t had to roll for any encounters around the (half-built) tree house because Natalia cleared out most of the uglies a long time ago.  So when Jim announces that I have to throw a will save, I’m confused, but I oblige.

And fail it.

Jim announces that I get to my tree house and get a weird feeling that something is trying to control my mind, which, obviously, works because I failed my will save.

“I’ve been waiting for you,” a voice says.  Natalia looks around to find out who it is.

Sorval steps out from behind a tree.  “I’m going to kill Raelan—and you’re going to help me.”

Dum dum DUM.

Woot!  Now we have part 7 in “Homebrewed,” a weekly ongoing series documenting the D&D game that Jim’s running for me.  How ongoing it will be depends on how ongoing my character, Natalia, will be, as in this game, she suffered her first loss.  (Pssst…it’s not her virginity.)  In the last game, we wrapped up our first dungeon and returned the Lord Mayor Renger’s daughter, Allista, home safely to Stilldale.  To read the last installment, you can check out part 6 here.

Bluesky the 11^th

Hi!  Guess what I should be doing?  My taxes.  But that’s boring, so I’m writing about our D&D game instead.  The seventh game started unlike the last couple.  For the past couple weeks, Natalia was in the middle of doing something, something exciting.  But this week, she’s already done the cool stuff, which is saving Allista Renger, and in a way, it’s not even that cool because Allista is boring.  Almost as boring as doing my taxes would be.  So much for finding a new BFF.  But the Lord Mayor Renger is pleased, and he’s a good person to please.  In a non-Monica Lewinsky kinda way, mind you.

In fact, Natalia is so bored that all she does in Stilldale before she leaves is buy 100g worth of scroll supplies, since she figures she’ll have a little downtime.  Several games back, Raelan had a guy go into town to have treehouse supplies sent to Natalia’s, so that stuff should be at her place.  And so she heads home with Grugor to work on her super-awesome treehouse.  Raelan goes his own way.

Bluesky the 15^th

For several days, Grugor helps Natalia work on her treehouse, but this morning, he doesn’t show up.  We wander over to his cave.  He’s nowhere to be found.  Beta and Tango start tracking his scent because, hey, given the crap we’ve run into in these woods, I’m a little paranoid.  We do finally find Grugor in a dried-out creek bed with what looks like war paint streaked across his face.  Natalia is confused until Grugor explains that it’s a holiday called “Steelgrind” or something like that. 

“Steelgrind good for making war,” he says.  And it’s very clear he wants to be making some war.  He’s definitely is in the spirit of things.

Natalia suggests they go make war on whoever is killing those myconids in the last game.  Grugor considers it before deciding that he would like to spend the holiday among the orcs.  I guess those would be good people to hang around for a war holiday.  He agrees to help her after he comes back.

So Grugor leaves.  Natalia doesn’t really want to work on her treehouse without Grugor, so she decides that she’s going to dig around and see what she can find out about the myconids’ killers.  Once Grugor comes back, she’ll have some information to work with.

Besides, there’s no TV out here, so what else is there to do?

Natalia tries to consider who would know about myconids, save the other druids, since they, with the exception of Gury, are a bunch of pricks.  She settles on visiting Gudger, the ranger she visited long ago.  I think it was either in the first or second game.  So she meanders over there, knocks on the door, and starts the interrogation!

Okay, so it wasn’t that hardcore.  Nor could she just go over and demand answers.  Gudger was happy to see her because he and his crocodile, Boots, needed some healing after fighting a bunch of smugglers.  She heals Gudger up and finds out that he really doesn’t know much about myconids.  Myconids are scared of everyone else and that includes him.  He does think it’s odd, though, that Natalia has found an entire circle of them dead.  He says it sounds like they stood their ground to fight something, and myconids would much sooner run away.

What would make them stand their ground?  We decide we need the help of someone who knows battle strategies, has military expertise…someone boring…Julium!   Off to his cave.

His cave is also empty.  What’s with these guys?  Guys in real life don’t leave home all the time.  Oh, wait—no TV.  Oh, yeah.

Beta and Tango start tracking Julium’s scent.  Natalia turns into a wolf so she can move faster, and they track his scent all the way back to Stilldale.  God, we just can’t get away from there, can we?  Natalia’s wolves aren’t exactly welcome in the town, as they’re the size of small ponies, according to Jim’s description.  (I find that size to be a little bit unbelievable, but whatev.)  So Natalia leaves them at the edge of town, pops back into human form, and goes looking for Julium in town.

There is a celebration going on.  I was worried that we’d be treated like dirt again, but Jim says that people are perfectly pleasant, seeing as I did help save the Lord Mayor’s daughter and all.  So that’s nice.

Julium is sitting at a table with the Lord Mayor.  Roan is there as well.  Natalia and I are hesitant to interrupt, but the Lord Mayor spots her and waves her over.  The nearby clerics are not so pleased—Natalia isn’t popular with everyone (jealous, bitches!)—but the Lord Mayor hushes them up, saying that if the local witch wants to join them, she was welcome to do so.

It took me a minute to comprehend that he was referring to me, and druids are not the same thing as witches, but…eh, whatever.  Natalia is not one to fight people on specifics.  (Plus, Spring was very tired in this game after doing lots of cleaning and baking Jim cookies, and so she didn’t push for much.) 

Natalia asks Julium if she can talk to him.  He says he’s not busy now, so she starts explaining (clumsily, I might add—summarizing has never been my strong suit) about the dead myconids she has found.  Julium, unsurprisingly, knows lots of things about myconids.  He goes into a lengthy explanation of their battle strategies.  Apparently, they do have soldiers, if they’re needed.  He concludes that someone is warring with the myconids.   Normally, those who attack myconids do so for food or to make them slaves, but seeing that they left none alive and didn’t eat them, Julium concluded it must be for some resource, either for the myconid’s land or for their mushrooms.

“But if they wanted their mushrooms, why wouldn’t they just take the myconids prisoners?” Natalia asks.  Myconids are supposed to be the best mushroom farmers.  It doesn’t make sense to kill off the best help around just to take their stuff and lose it all.

“Maybe they want to make a different kind of mushroom, one that myconids don’t farm,” Julium says.

Natalia grins.  “Like magic mushrooms?”

Jim/Julium looks at me strangely.  “Magic?”

I sigh.  “I forgot that Julium has no sense of humor.  Drugs.  We did see some smugglers sneaking around town.  Raelan just assumed they were smuggling jewelry or something.”

Julium knows nothing about drug smuggling, but Roan, who is nearby and apparently listening to our conversation, pops in with, “Devies.  You’ll find lots of drug smugglers in Devies.  In fact, the government thinks that the elves are behind it as a way to overthrow the city.”

“Reeeeeeaaally,” I say.  It would be great if the elves were behind it.  It would be great if the elves were doing something evil.  Then I could open a can of whoop-ass on them and not feel bad about it.   Natalia and I are starting to strongly dislike elves.  Too bad—I used to really like them.  Thanks a lot, Jim, for robbing me of something I once loved.  You bastard!

Julium asks the Lord Mayor’s permission to accompany Natalia on her quest, theorizing that if there’s drug smuggling involved, it could be a problem for the town.  The Lord Mayor agrees.  We escort the Lord Mayor home, and then Julium asks to meet Natalia in private in the library.

Natalia is curious, so she agrees.  After the Lord Mayor goes to bed, Julium closes the door to the library and says, “What do you think of Allista?”

“She’s weird,” I say immediately.

Julium waves his hand around.  “Doesn’t something seem wrong here to you?”

Well, yeah.  Let’s see.  The world is evil.  Even nature is evil, and that makes no sense.  Regarding Stilldale, the Lord Mayor was very obviously under his wife’s influence for a great long time without anyone doing or saying anything about it, and now everyone acts like it didn’t even happen.  Oh, and again—that girl of the his is a weirdo.

Julium has noted all these things and more.  He is worried that the world is falling apart.  He had heard about the troll that we had encountered, and he says that trolls shouldn’t be that close to town.  Something is running all sorts of evil critters towards their neck of the woods.  He asks Natalia if he can trust her.  I can’t imagine anyone saying, “No, no you can’t trust me,” so I agree.  So he confides to Natalia that someone of royal blood needs to force the Empire back together.  Oh, did I forget that somewhere along the way, I learned that Julium has royal blood?

Too bad he can’t get off his royal ass and help me build my treehouse.  And he’s still kind of stiff.  But Natalia does like Julium and thinks he’s a good guy.   Personally, I think he’d make a very good leader.

Julium details his plan.  He wants to overthrow the guy leading in Devies and put the Lord Mayor in charge of there as well.  He has already agreed with the Lord Mayor that he’s going to marry Allista.  Now, that bit of news, Natalia and I didn’t see coming.

“OH.  You’re marrying Allista?” I asked.  Somehow, I always imagined Julium convincing Roan to break any vows of chastity.  Both of them need to get laid.  Too bad for you, Roan.  “Sorry I called your fiancée weird.  Aren’t you kinda concerned about having such a…strange wife?”

Julium shrugs.  “I can see the use of having a psionic as a wife.”

Ha!  Noob.  Obviously, Julium has never been married before.  And to a psionic?  You can’t even lie about not noticing her cellulite or thinking another girl is prettier because she’s gonna know what you’re thinking, foo’!

But that’s Julium’s problem.  Regardless of Julium’s looming marital disaster, Natalia agrees to help him.

And with that, we head to bed. 

Bluesky the 16^th

Over breakfast, Julium and Natalia debate over the best place to start.  Natalia had mentioned at some point seeing a guy looking under rocks a long time ago, but she was in too much of a hurry to get to Raelan’s to warn him that a high-level wizard was looking for him to care why some loser would be turning over rocks.  Julium, ever the thinker, wonders if it’s a drop-off location.  We agree to go back to where I saw the man looking under rocks and wait.  Perhaps it’s along a route.

We go back, Natalia changes back into a wolf, and immediately catches a scent.  This is definitely a route of some kind.  We wait until Natalia smells something odd.  She pops back into her human form and hisses to Julium, “Do you smell that?”

Julium cannot smell anything.

It grows stronger.  “It’s like dirt and weapon oil,” Natalia says.

A couple little men pop out nearby us, and one says, “Hello.”

Grrr.

“What are you doing?”  he asks.  I see now that the little men are gnomes.  He’s also the source of the weird smell.

 “Nothing,” I say.

“Looks like you’re waiting to ambush someone.”

“No, we’re not.”

He looks at Natalia suspiciously.  “This is an ambush if ever I saw one.  Who are you?”

Natalia looks at him, saying nothing, until she sees him reaching for his weapon.  “What are you doing?”

“Getting my weapon…”

This is making me cranky.  “Don’t do that.”

“Who are you?” he demands again.

“We’re just hanging out here, okay?  Who are YOU?  Where are YOU going?”  At this point, I’m getting ready to fight them just because they’re too damned nosey, but first, I’ll play their little game.

“We’re going to see Rosco,” he says.

Grrrr again.  That name doesn’t make me any more cheery.  The gnome finally bugs off, but as he’s leaving, I pop back into wolf form to see if he has any drug-smell on him.

Nope.  Darn.  I would have liked to attack him.  Nosey little fucker.

Jim says I have to roll for encounters, and eventually, I hit one.  I roll for percentiles, and it’s 97%.  Jesus.

And this is where it gets very, very ugly.

Jim says we see a troop of four ogres, three humans, and a dwarf.  They form two rings.  The ogres are on the outside, the humans and the dwarf on the inside.  They’re lugging carts with tarps pulled over them.  Beta and Tango are a ways across from me and Julium, and we decide to wait until the troop between us and the wolves before jumping them.

This might have proven to be one of my dumber ideas. 

I immediately jump these guys with one of my new spells, Flamestrike.  It does 24 points of damage.  BOO YAH.  However, three of the four inner guys did well on their saves and managed to duck under the tarps, taking only half that damage.  Not so boo yah.  Jim says they do this with evasion.  I’ve played enough Warcraft to know that sounds like a roguish ability.

After playing a squishy warlock and then a priest on Warcraft on a PvP server like Eredar, ask me how much I detest rogues sometime.  I’m pretty sure I could write an entire blog about that.

One of the ogres also makes his save.  Julium makes a beeline for the one rogue that failed his and kills him swiftly.  Beta and Tango go in but miss everyone they’re trying to bite.  The three thieves pulls out axes are start swinging at Julium, but luckily, only one hits.  Wait, luckily?  HA.  There’s something you would never say in real life.  There is nothing lucky about getting hit with an axe.  Two ogres nearby Natalia yank live trees out of the ground, offending her delicate druidic sensibilities.  And if that wasn’t enough, they decided to offend her physical sensibilities as well, as they assaulted her with gigantic tree trunks.  Natalia quickly turns into a crocodile, bites, and grapples the ogre nearest to her.  Beta misses him but Tango doesn’t.  We can’t seem to trip this mofo, though.  Ogres are big.

Julium decides to do a whirlwind attack.  Julium, it seems, has gotten all sorts of cool new abilities since Natalia last saw him.  He has a new feat or something—I think Jim said it was the spring attack feat?—so he provokes no attacks of opportunity as he twirls around in a, uh, manly-fashion.  Really, he didn’t look like he was an armored ballerina pirouetting around.  Really.

So he does whirlwind.  And he mostly just looks fancy.  I don’t think he hit anyone doing it.

The ogre that Natalia has in her crocodile-mouth breaks away.  Julium yells that he needs the wolves to break up the flank on him, has he has two baddies on either side of him.  Natalia sees that Julium is in a bad way, so she starts running to him.  However, because of the way we’re all positioned, there is no way to get to Julium without taking attacks of opportunity on myself, so I take them.

And get hit.  Bad.

By the time Natalia gets anywhere close to Julium, she needs to heal herself.    My wolves are getting hit bad too.  Beta and Tango try to get into help break up the flank on Julium.  However, Beta gets hit doing so.  Big time.  He’s down to 4 hit points out of 52.

Beta and Tango manage to take out a rogue.  Natalia is getting stressed.  She’s low on health, but she’s the only healer in the group, so she has to stay up.  Julium is down to 14 hit points out of however many crazy ass amount of points he has.  Beta is about to be out.  Natalia heals herself up, and already, we know we have a problem.

Beta is too far away and too close to keeling over.  These guys have been consistently doing well over 10 points of damage, so Julium is about to go down too.  I don’t want to lose my wolf.  But—and this was the hard truth that Natalia had to accept—in the grand scheme of things, it was more important that Julium remain alive than Beta.  Julium was going to lead an Empire, try to get the world back into shape, make it a better place for everyone.

Beta is just, I dunno, Natalia’s very best friend ever.  *sniff*

But the decision was made.  It was hard, but she had to make a choice about where she was going to go, who would get the next heal.  She moves closer to Julium.

Beta and Tango are both still going in for their attacks.  A rogue turns around and attacks Beta.  Before Jim can even finish telling me how many points of damage Beta would take, I say glumly, “Beta’s dead.”

Jim looks over at Beta’s hit points, pauses, and finally agrees.  Beta’s dead.  Until now, we had two blue dice representing Beta on the battle mat.  Jim now removes them.  Later, he’ll use those dice, and I’ll be horrified that he’s rolling with Beta, for god’s sake.  Have respect for the dead.

Natalia and I are both upset by this.  This isn’t hard for me to roleplay here.  First of all, I like my imaginary wolf, and second of all, all I have to do is remember when my cat Kili died.  Whom, by the way, I still miss very much to this day, even though his death was now five years ago.

So I understand Natalia’s pain all too well.  I make a pitiful last attempt at Julium, vowing that Beta’s death won’t be for nothing, and get a heal in to him.  Tango is infuriated with Beta’s death and kills an ogre, but not without really hurting herself in the process.  Tango also tries for another ogre and misses.  Julium runs to join her and kills it.

Finally, Natalia can’t take much more herself.  She gets knocked out.  Not dead, but pretty damn close.  Right when she’s about to go under, she sees Julium whirl around on the ogres and yell something in giant to them.

And then she passes out.

Jim says when she awakens, Julium is nearby her with her healing wand.  Turns out Julium has some skills with using magic devices and has uses Natalia’s wand on her.  He is there with two ogres.  They’re not fighting.  In fact, Julium introduces them and explain that he’s bribed them.   He whips the tarp off the wagon to show that it’s a heap of money.  They were supposed to be bringing the money to their boss, who, yes, is the drug dealer we’re looking for.  The deal is that they’d split the money with us and then blame us for taking all of it.

Natalia doesn’t care.  She and Tango walk over to Beta.  Julium keeps talking.  They think Natalia is bad luck to kill, being magical, he says.

One of the ogres feels a bit brash and butts in.  “We take ALL the money.  And you do nothing about it!”

Julium tries to step in, but the ogre stops him, making fun of him for his poor fighting skills.

“What you say about that?” the ogre says to Natalia.  “We take all of it!  You try to stop us, we kill you!”

Natalia is still out of it.  She considers it.  Money is useful.  But she, Tango, and Julium are very low on health, and these ogres know how to make it hurt.  She doesn’t want to lose anyone else.

“Just take it,” she mutters.

They laugh and run away.  I think this is the first time Julium has ever gotten pissed.  “What did you do that for?  He was hurt—he was bluffing!  We could have paid a cleric to bring back your wolf with that money!”

I shake my head.  “It’s not worth the risk of losing someone else.  We already have one dead body; I don’t want three more.”

Julium suddenly looks very sad and guilty.  Then he looks over to one of the thieves.  “Do you think you can waken one of them?”

They’re not necessarily dead, I realize.  So Natalia rouses one up with a minor healing spell.  Then Julium asks, “You’re a goodly person, are you not?”  Natalia nods, and he continues.  “Then you might not want to be here to see what I’m about to do.”

Natalia realizes that Julium is about to torture the thief for information.  Jim once told me that torturing someone is always an evil act.  Makes sense, both in real life and in D&D.  Letting this happen would put a black mark against Natalia’s name.  So far, Natalia has no marks against her name whatsoever, as she’s pretty good at doing the right thing.

I consider that.  I also consider the state that Natalia is in.  I remember when Kili died, how devastated I was, wandering from room to room, carrying his body and crying, but still going from one room to another as if there was a magical spot that bring him back to life.

There was no logic in that, no making sense of it.

“Natalia’s going to let him,” I tell Jim.  “She won’t watch, so she and Tango are going to walk away with Beta’s body, but she’s in too bad shape to care about stopping Julium.”

And so Natalia and Tango mourn Beta a short distance away while Julium tortures the thief for information.  He finds out that there are suppliers in the mountains that are killing myconids.  That seems to clinch our theory that drugs are involved.

Julium takes care of the rogue.  He says he’s going to go back to Stilldale.  “Alone?”  Natalia asks, looking up. “Don’t  you want me to heal you first?  You’ll die otherwise.”

He looks disappointed.  “I would deserve it.  I failed.”

“Failed?  How so?”  Natalia can’t even believe what she’s saying, but she keeps talking anyway.  “We wanted to know information on who was killing the myconids, and now we have it.  This…this part happens.”

Poor Beta, being lumped into the category of shit happens.

Julium doesn’t look at her.  “If I can’t even defend a girl and two dogs…”

“We were outnumbered,” she points out.

“I’m always going to be outnumbered,” Julium says.  For a moment, he looks almost angry.  Then he calms down.  “You should resurrect your wolf.  You have reincarnate, don’t you?”

“Yes, but I’ll have to wait until tomorrow.  And he probably won’t come back the same way,” I say.  Jim had already explained to me, before we even started this game, that reincarnation usually means that the person being reincarnated comes back in a different body.

He nods.  “Take care of your wolf, and then get your friend Raelan to help you bring him back as a wolf.  Then meet me back in Stilldale at noon on the 18^th.”

I nodded, picked Beta’s body up, and Tango and I took him home.

Bluesky the 17^th

As soon as I get my spells back, I cast reincarnate on Beta.  To my surprise, he comes back as a wolf.  I think Jim was as surprised as I was, but when he checked the table in the book, wolf was one of the options.  One difference, though: When I first created Beta, I told Jim that Beta was gray.  Because, you know, that’s just what color wolves are.  Not so in this world.  Tango is more typical for this world, which I believe Jim said was a reddish-brown.  Now Beta is the same color.

But we still know it’s Beta, although Natalia can’t shake the feeling that she’s failed her wolf, that something’s different about him that she can’t figure out yet.

There’s also something else that has Natalia’s been wondering about.  I ask Jim if she can roll a wilderness check.  Yup, it’s confirmed: Tango is pregnant.

Now I’m really torn.  I’ve already lost Beta once, and in that last fight, I nearly lost Tango, too.  And she’s carrying pups.  I’m worried that I’m putting the Beta and Tango in too much danger.  I decide to go see Raelan to see if perhaps he has some spell that can help them.

So Natalia turns into a wolf and runs off with Beta and Tango to Raelan’s.  Luckily, there are no encounters.  She pops back into human form once there and knocks on the door.

“I AM NOT TAKING APPRENTICES RIGHT NOW,” the door booms.  Natalia sighs.

Raelan opens the door.  “Hey, how’s it going?”

I point to Beta.  “Hi.  Beta died.”

“What are you talking about?  He’s right there.”  Raelan does a double-take.  “Oh.  He looks different.”

“I reincarnated him.”

“And he actually came back as a wolf?”

“Yeah, I got lucky.”  Natalia pauses.  “Also, Tango is pregnant.  And I was wondering if you had any spells because I’m starting to worry that maybe I’m putting them in too much danger.”

Raelan suggests that Natalia talk to Uliver.  Uliver, thankfully, did not teleport somewhere dangerous after he dropped Raelan off a couple games back.  He had teleported by accident into his own lab.  Natalia expresses an interest something defensive for her wolves.  Uliver says she needs to find some magic items.  Also, he suggests that maybe some training is in order.  You know, do something to increase their dodge to they’re harder to hit.

Raelan breaks in. “Oh, guess what!  I got my familiar!”  He calls to it, and a little koala bear shows up.  Jim says that it looks strange to Natalia, who has never seen one before.  “His name is Otto.”

Natalia, being a girl, has to pet Otto.  But she asks for permission first.  Personally, I wasn’t sure if familiars work the way daemons do in The Golden Compass where touching someone else’s daemon is very personal and a big no-no.  Guess it doesn’t quite work that way because Otto lets Raelan know that he’s fine with Natalia petting him.  After all, she is a druid.

I just hope it wasn’t some freaky thing where it is like in The Golden Compass and Raelan is trying to get girls to touch his, um, “familiar” without their knowing.

Distracting a girl with cute, fluffy animals is a great time to ask for favors, Raelan realizes.  Raelan asks Natalia if, at some point, he can get a scroll of reincarnate from her.  Obviously, other druids wouldn’t be too quick to help him out, since druids and wizards don’t usually seem to get along, but Natalia agrees without hesitation.  She’s a little more hesitant when she finds out that Raelan wants to use it to create a spell that will transfer unborn babies into another female’s womb.  He looks at Tango eagerly, announcing that she would be the perfect candidate to try it on.

Over my dead body, wizard.  But Natalia doesn’t say that.  She does see the use for it.  What if Tango gets hurt?  Her babies would be protected.  But Natalia doesn’t want to do that without knowing how Tango feels about it.  I figure I’m a druid; at some point, I should be able to figure out if Tango would be okay with something like that.

Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking.

Natalia agrees to the scroll, as well as Raelan asking her to be his bodyguard at the mage fair.  She’s surprised that he’s asked her.  “Are you kidding?” Raelan says when Natalia questions him.  “Nobody will expect it!  None of them have bothered to study druidic magic because they just assume theirs is better, so they have no idea what you can do.  You’re the wildcard.”

Natalia doesn’t feel very wild.  She just feels tired.  But she agrees.  A mage fair could be interesting.  And dangerous, considering Sorval’s hellbent on killing Raelan.  But we’ll take care of her before that.

With that, Natalia says she’s going to head over to Gudger’s.  Before she leaves, Raelan gives Natalia an amulet of natural weapon +1 and a belt of giant strength +2.

So we leave.  On our way there, we hear the unforgettable sound of loud crashing and stupid laughing.  Hill giant.  Good god, those guys need to find another fucking hobby.

Jim says that Natalia doesn’t have to do hide check because the hill giant isn’t paying attention to her.  And it’s no wonder.  The hill giant is fighting someone in long robes.  There’s a second guy nearby with a turban and curly-toed shoes.  He sounds suspiciously like a genie to me.  I’m no D&D expert, but I don’t think there are genies in this game. Then again, I didn’t think I’d run into half-ogres goofing off with their bongs, either.  There’s a third guy there as well, who is also dressed like a wizard and wearing a turban.

Jim describes one of these guys as looking like that really cute guy in Romeo and Juliet—you know, the one with Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio?  The guy that plays Romeo’s friend.  Hell if I can remember the name, though.  (It’s been a long time since I’ve seen the movie, much less read the book.)  So there’s hot man-meat in the mix.

Is there even a question that Natalia would jump in?  Okay, okay, okay, Natalia wouldn’t be as interested in said man-meat as Spring.  But it’s fun to pretend.

So we jump into the battle.  Tango manages to bite and trip the hill giant.  Out of nowhere, a dwarf that we had totally missed seeing pops out of the bushes.  “Hey, there!” he says.  Jim says he’s broad-shouldered, even for a dwarf, and that we realize he’s got a cloak or something made out of wolf tails.  I mentally cringe and make a note to keep Beta and Tango away from him.

“Welcome to the party!” he says.  At least he seems friendly enough.  But not to everyone because he turns around and plows his sword into the hill giant, who screams in pain.

One of the wizards had readied an action after Tango tripped the hill giant.  He finally rips loose a lightning bolt into the hill giant’s head.  The guy in long robes, who looks like an evil cleric, touches the hill giant.  His skin starts to rot.  I roll for Natalia.  20!  Roll for a critical.  20!  I don’t make the rolling critical, but I do crit, and Jim says I cut the giant’s throat.  He dies.

Now that’s the way to impress cute guys, Natalia-style.

Some of the guys look at me warily, though, but the robed guy starts jabbering.  He points to his amulet.  His god is related somehow to my god, so he wants me to be left alone.  They all agree.  Furthermore, they say they’ll split the loot with me, says the dwarf.

Or so we think.  “What the hell?” says the dwarf.  “He doesn’t have anything.  Just some dead myconids.”

Natalia’s interest peaks.  “Myconids?  Do you know where any are around here?”

Sadly, the dwarf has no idea where myconids are around here.  He then tells Natalia that they’re adventurers, looking for money.  He brags that he hasn’t earned a real living in a very long time.  Still, they do need money.  They prefer to assassinate people for it, but they’d like to assassinate bad people.  At least they have goals.  The dwarf asks Natalia if she knows where she can make some money.

She thinks.  “Try Devies.  There’s a bunch of wanted posters there, full of bad people.”  She points in the general direction, as the dwarf admits they’re lost, but like most men, refuses to admit it to his crew.

They go their way.  Natalia continues to meander.  I’m rolling for encounters and hit one.  Percentiles: 83%.  I’m already nervous.  Jim says I come to what looks like a natural rock formation.  It’s very wide and covered in moss.  Natalia starts to climb it.  But something’s wrong.  It feels…warm.

Warm?

“Oh, god, this isn’t a wall,” I tell Jim.  “It’s alive.”

He nods.  He says Natalia rubs a little of the moss off and realize it’s not rock underneath at all.  There’s skin.  Beta and Tango are backing away and whimpering.  Jim says they’re even peeing a little.

Natalia looks down to see that she’s standing on a green dragon.  Again, I’m no D&D expert, but even I know that running into a dragon is a big, fucking deal.  I was not prepared in the slightest to run into one this soon.  Maybe ever.

Jim then says that I have to roll for a will save.  I fail it.  He says I have to take -2 to all my rolls.  I’m shaken and scared to death of this thing.  It’s just as well because I know that I cannot handle a dragon, have no idea what Jim’s wanting me to do with a dragon, and am completely lost as to how to handle it.  The dragon looks down at Natalia.

“You took off some of my skin.”  His voice is deep and rich and like nothing Natalia’s heard before, Jim says.

“Sorry,” Natalia says.  “I’ll, uh, put it back.”  She start patting the unearthed moss on him.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Sorry.  Sorry,” I say.  Jim later will thank me for “role-playing” being in awe of the dragon so well.  He said he was glad I played Natalia as nervous because dragons are a big deal and she should be nervous.  Wanna know a secret?  There wasn’t much role-playing in that.  I had no clue what I was doing and just cringed at everything I said to him.  Nothing seemed right.  I was pretty sure I was gonna kill Natalia by my ignorance.

Luckily, Jim never intended for me to try fighting the dragon.  I don’t know what he would have done if I was totally stupid and attempted it.  I guess he would be helping me fill out a new character sheet because Natalia would be dead, that’s for sure.  Instead, the dragon turns out to be very inquisitive.  He wants to know everything about everyone.  First, he demands gems.  Natalia isn’t about to fight.   She still has the ionic stone from the Astral Plane on her, so she hands it over to him.

The dragon is pleased, but then wants to know how she got it.  Then he wants to know why she was there.  This, of course, leads into him asking about Allista and who she is, why the Gith want her.  Natalia doesn’t like giving him this information, but he seems to know when she’s being less than honest with him, anyway, and as he says, if he really wants to know about Allista, he can just attack the village and torture it out of people.

Better to do it this way, she reasons.  Smells like rationalizing to me.

The dragon keeps pressing Natalia to know what she’s doing.  He finally gets to the point where she tells him about the myconids.  The dragon is very pleased.  He knows exactly who is behind it.  But he’s not going to tell her without making a deal.  The deal?  He wants to kill Vuelis, the head of the druidic circle.  Remember the asshole elf?  Yeah.  Him.  The dragon would very much like him dead.

“Give me your word that you will drive him out of the place that protects him into my claws,” he says.

Natalia is scared to turn a dragon down, and hey, she doesn’t like Vuelis anyway.  Still, she is hesitant.  “I can’t just kill him because I don’t like him,” she says.

The dragon actually seems to consider this.  “He is evil.  Remember all those plant creatures that attacked you?  Who do you think orchestrated that?”

I hadn’t even thought of that.  “Really?”

“He’s very evil,” the dragon says.  And who would know better than an evil dragon?  “Promise me that you will investigate Vuelis on your own.  When you learn more, you will find that you have to kill him.”

I agree, so the dragon tells me that in order to find out what is happening to the myconids, Natalia needs to follow the river from Devies to a lake where a conifer is wrapped by deciduous tree.  Also, he says, he wants part of whatever bounty Natalia gets.

Natalia rarely makes a fuss over loot; she’s hardly going to start now when her life is on the line.

The dragon decides to let Natalia go.  His curiosity has been sated—for now.  He says that before she goes, he’s going to give her a gift.  Turns out the “gift” is what sounds suspiciously like bragging rights.  He tells me to tell others that I spoke to Vaectorfinyairuxo as an equal.

That’s one hell of a name. 

Natalia scrambles out of there as fast as she can.  She finally arrives at Gudger’s and tells him about the dragon.  “Oh, yeah, Vector,” he says.  “That’s what I call him—Vector.  He’s not bad, as far as evil dragons go.”

“You’ve run into him before?”

“Yeah, twice.”  He seems very casual about it.  Natalia eyes him respectfully, remembering how her wolves were pissing themselves a little.  In fact, I told Jim that Natalia was pretty sure she pissed herself a little, too.  “He’s very curious.  That’s the trick to him.  He likes to know everything that’s going on his woods, and there’s little he knows about.  If you don’t tell him something new, he’s likely to eat you.  If he’s not full, anyway.”

Natalia is very grateful he had just eaten when she met him.  Natalia had actually asked the dragon that at one point.  She would rather know she was going to be eaten going in.  Uh, no pun intended.

Natalia is stressed at this point.  She’s lost Beta, brought him back, he looks different and seems fine, but she knows bringing anyone back from the dead means that something won’t be right about him and hasn’t figured out what it is yet.  She feels bad that Julium feels bad about her losing Beta.  Julium wants to lead a battle, Raelan wants her to be a bodyguard, she doesn’t know when she’s going to see Grugor again, something is shredding the most defenseless creatures around, an evil dragon has told her that he will come looking for her to make sure she helps him out, and god, all she wants to do is build her treehouse, lay in the hammock that Grugor gave her while watching Beta and Tango play below, maybe even watch them with their pups.

She vents all this to Gudger.  Gudger is surprisingly quiet while she rants, then tells her that she’s a good person who can actually do things.  And because she’s that kind of person, that’s what makes her have to put things aside that most others would not.

Natalia admits to Gudger that it bothers her that everything is evil.  She knows nature isn’t necessarily good, but it should be neutral.  Nature here is not, and she thinks something is very wrong.  Gudger tells her a story of a god that went evil.  It seems somehow connected to the evil things that are coming from the wasteland nearby.  Then Gudger asks the million dollar question.  “What I want to know is this: What is so bad over there that it’s scaring things like ogres and hill giants into the woods toward the towns where they know they’re not welcome?”

“Julium mentioned that,” I muttered.  “Something about how everything was coming out from there.”

Gudger mentions that he’s still looking for a water weird that he knows, asks Natalia to let him know if she sees her.  Natalia has no idea what one looks like, but she’ll keep her eye out.  She wonders why Gudger wants to see her, but he seems very anxious about it—well, as anxious as Gudger gets.

Natalia decides it’s time to go home.  The past couple days have been hell on her.  Gudger promises to train her wolves.  This time, he’s going to do it for free.  He asks her to come back with Beta and Tango next week.  She agrees.

So, she has to meet with Julium the following day, figure out how to beef Beta and Tango up, kill a high-level sorcerer, go to a mage fair, find Grugor, take her wolves to get trained next week…all while trying to build a treehouse and solve the mysteries of Chenestes, the murdered myconid, Vuelis, and what bad thing is running other bad things into the woods.

Someone needs a PDA just to schedule all this shit.

Actually, if she would have just stayed home, she wouldn’t have shit to schedule.  Someone needs a TV.